And I Wondered Why It Burned
by PrinceMozartsRequiem
Summary: In which Shizuo realizes he's a train wreck, Izaya knows that they can see him and where Mikado desperately wants to show two young boys just what trust really is.AlternativeReality.All cast. Role-reversal.
1. I'm

edited 11/25/11

Shizuo didn't really dislike school.

This statement can be debated upon .It is correct that his high school life was a living hell all thanks to a deceitful boy named Izaya. Other than that, he enjoyed being around others yet he wanted to keep his distance. It was an incredibly difficult decision but Shizuo just didn't want to hurt anyone anymore . It is all too painful because all things can break so easily . He knows this all too well.

Shizuo knew this so well, that he kept everything he cared for at a distance .At home he stayed in his room,doing nothing in particular. Playing with the ends of his hair or simply reading a book. He was restless.

He was an active person and hated any sort of restraints. Oftentimes he reminded himself of a lion in a cage . Teeth gnarled and yet still asking for food . Outside,he walked around bridges dangerously leaning towards the edge. Sometimes ,he thought how would it feel like to fall from this magnitude. No one understood him ,he thought,and everyone was frightened of him. But it just made him angry because how can he expect people to understand him if he didn't even understand himself.

The young boy crouched down on the edge of the bridge,and slowly placed his fingers between his yellow mop of hair. He gripped it,and at that moment Shizuo remembered the day he had bleached it. His brother had a can of hair dye in one hand and shocking pink gloves on the other,whilst their mother looked on eagerly at the outcome. Their mother gave encouraging comments to them, she had said it suited her youngest son,that he looked so handsome. She had a positively stunning smile that day and he couldn't help but look away. He was ashamed.

So he placed his hands in his pockets so she couldn't see him fidgeting. ((Later on he would know, she knew everything, for mothers always knew what their children's insecurities were. He would also come to learn parents usually give their children their own fears and insecurities as well.))

He felt stupid, because the only reason he bleached his hair was to warn others to stay away from him. Yellow was the color of many yield signs on the streets ,they were also the color of the "danger" tape on crime scenes .They are there so people can stay away. You could say by dying his hair,he had created his own fence. But,actually it really wasn't a fence. It was more like barb wire. The more Shizuo held on to others,he hurt, and ultimately he cut.

Back to the present,he was still gripping his hair. Clenching his yellow strands harshly,Shizuo was pretty sure he ripped some of his hair off.

"Motherfucker," he whispered to no one but himself ,"Don't cry, don't cry."

He will never forgive himself.

Little pieces of his life might not make sense and that's alright. As long as he can become stronger,as long as he can become a good person(whatever the hell that's supposed to mean) it was all that mattered right?

These were the type of thoughts that kept him up at night.

* * *

><p>The school was larger than most,with pale gray walls that seemed to prick your skin when touched. The lunchroom(it should be called breakfast room for the time being) was in a joyous cacophony. All of the students sat with each other laughing and giggling. Others were quietly nodding at a comment someone had said. At the far back, there was a table being ostracized, it was dubbed as "Shizuo's Table". Speaking of Shizuo his whole undivided attention was toward his oatmeal in front of him. He had about five packs of sugar on the table slipping them into his oatmeal,alongside a half empty carton of milk.<p>

'Half empty' he thought carefully.

* * *

><p>Shizuo spent most of the day trying to stay out of trouble, honestly. But without even trying his whole day,his whole empire on which he built, was ruined.<p>

He was tired of this shit, Shizuo stood up in an uproar. Knocking down his class materials and books. The pen that was on his fingers was already split in two. Black stains on his hands. He liked that pen goddamit,he carelessly thought.

"Who the fuck threw that!"

Of course he knew the answer,so why did he even bother asking the question?

It was was always that bastard.

Izaya elicited a rambunctious laughter that resonated inside the classroom. It went through Shizuo and left in it's quake a hatred that seeped all the way to the pit of his stomach.

( For all the wrong reasons.)

"Shizu-chan, your such a sleepy head!I was just waking you up since the class is about to end. Aren 't I such a good friend?"

Good friends, my ass. Friends don't throw heavy history books at each other. Especially not in back of the head. Teeth were gnarled.

"Your no friend of mine dumbass. Get the fuck out of my face."

"Make me."

SNAP.

A chair was thrown across the room landing on the floor.

"I'm gonna fuckin' murder you!"

And everyone believed he would too.

Shizuos eyes were glowing a dangerous sunny yellow . Warm, yet when touched you would burn. His teeth were clenched and he started to fidget.

Footsteps were heard as everyone quickly fled the classroom ,backpacks were left and forgotten, even the teacher left to get help. How he hated this period.

* * *

><p>"I honestly don't know what to do with you Heiwajima."<p>

Shizuo had his hands in his pockets. He did this whenever he was nervous it was a habit he had since he was a child. His hands shook miserably and he felt incredibly embarrassed so he would shove them in his pockets ,since he didn't want anyone to see. Besides,it made him look cool he thought.

Inside his pocket he was a mess, his fingertips dancing in fright.

"I understand he angered you but you shouldn't break things." The Principle began .

His hands were placed on a mahogany desk, it looked like one of those cheesy offices in those teenage movies. A picture perfect,spotless room .A photograph placed on the left of the desk.

"At least Orihara...he..."

A grimace.

"-is _civil_ , while you on the other hand are not."

* * *

><p>"What a monster."<p>

"Looks like someone needs anger management."

"He smells like rotten milk."

"When you see yellow hair, of course you gotta run!"

Shizuo wasn't stupid and he hated when people thought him to be. He kicked some dirt absentmindedly throwing some on a couple of first year girls. Realizing this,Shizuo turned around to give some sort of an apology but as quickly as he turned his head the girls took this as an opportunity to run.

The bloody sunset was raging and Shizuo didn't look much at it. He just simply placed his hands in his pockets. He thought on other things, such as his homework assignments, and what his teachers had told him during the day, he thought of his mother and on what she cooked earlier at home. Among other things he constantly thought how stupid he felt.

He was desperately lonely.

Out of all these people surrounding him in the world he felt alone. Then his mind came to his family, and his acquaintances (like that annoying boy with the glasses, or that other tall guy in the class) and he felt like he had betrayed them in some manner. His mindset was in halt when he saw his elder brother walking toward him on the street.

"What are you doing here?"

Kasuka shrugged, placing a hand on the straps of his designer bag . "I don't know. My feet moved on their own."

The blond boy didn't know what to tell him. He wanted to tell his brother that he was so,so,so grateful for his company. He wanted to tell his brother that perhaps he was the closest thing to a friend he had. He wanted to tell his brother that he could have his yogurt in the fridge. Except not the strawberry one cause he called that one first and it was his, all his.

He didn't say none of these things and could only say "Stupid."

* * *

><p>Shizuo decided , at a young age that his mother was crazy. You had to be crazy to accept the fact that others called you the mother's monster. That you would always be looked down upon by the neighbors and by the community. On occasion Shizuo would throw a vending machine on the gossipers lawns just to spite them. Sometimes he wish he shouldn't had.<p>

Especially when he would see his mother cry.

She was a frail small women,and every time she would hiccup as she sobbed, he would hate himself a little more,a little more, a little better.

_"It's all my fault !So go on ahead and hit me,let me fucking have it!"_

It was past four. Past their school snacks and way past their homework. Kasuka would have finished all his university work for the time being and would be ready to begin a new video game he had bought just last week. In fact, it was what he was doing at this exact moment. Getting comfortable he placed his feet on the coach,control in his hands.

"Shizuo!" It was their mother.

"Yes?"

"Be a dear and go to the store, I forgot to get the eggs and milk earlier."

Kasuka didn't hear a response but could picture his younger brother's stoic face, nodding while placing his shoes on his feet.

He heard the door close.

* * *

><p>Far away from that lonely boys reality, there was another boy wreaking having. His body moved quickly with the agility of a feline. Izaya grabbed the nearest edge of a roof and landed on his feet. He watched the city and decided that this would be his 'spot' for the day .He placed his backpack and looked through all his knickknacks including his favorite notebook that he had gotten for his birthday last year. It was a snake skin design that was silver with a tint of a blue hue. He wrote about all the interesting things he found in the city and also kept a record of all the times he pissed this one boy in particular.<p>

He hated Shizuo Heiwajima. He couldn't stand him,he hated him. But that didn't mean he couldn't mess with him.

( For all the wrong reasons.)

Izaya tried to clear all those thoughts of the blond, he hated thinking about him. In time he regained his good mood and looked at all the people on the street. There was a family with children ,laughing merrily. On the other side was a homeless person begging for coins. Izaya grinned.'Look at that man, He feels ashamed looking like that. Who can blame him?He looks awful. Better yet! He could be jealous and spiteful of others more fortunate than he is.' The black haired boy mused as he moved his binoculars in several places. He stopped at one scene that stood out to him.

There was a young man, clutching his bag tightly as a much elder( and dirtier) man approached him from behind .Izaya quickly dived down. He needed money right now, and helping this man might be able to land him some easy cash. Right before the man was about to jab a knife at the young man's stomach Izaya pushed the other man to the ground.

There was a grunt and a gasp as the scene unfolded. Izaya grinned. Show time .

" Sir, this man was trying to hurt you!Call for help immediately!"

The young man was in shock, babbling incoherently and the bystanders quickly came to the boys aid. In due time an officer came to arrest the man.

Everything was set.

* * *

><p>This will be a triangle between ShizuoMikado/Izaya. Although...let me warn you I think it will be more platonic than anything.

Thank you.


	2. The

Edited 11/25/11

Izaya soon found out that the young man he rescued just a couple of minutes ago was named Mikado Ryuugamine.

Just a couple of minutes ago he made an unnecessary comment that the said name reminded him of an air conditioner.

A meeting that most would have thought no importance would come of it. Although you have told yourself that this meeting was a coincidence you know damn hell that it was _predestined._

It wasn't a coincidence that this man had forgotten his wallet at home, Mikado only noticed this when he had wanted to give his savior a token of his appreciation.

((You don't have to really. ))

A careless lie.

It wasn't a coincidence, especially when Mikado invited the young boy to tea at his apartment .-But the most interesting part of this predicament was that Mikado inhabited the same apartment complex Orihara Izaya's family lived in at the time. It was definitely peculiar when they came to realize they were next door neighbors.

_' How interesting.'_

* * *

><p>The home of Mikado was a small but cozy place .Izaya was currently sitting underneath a small table in the living room taking everything into consideration. The walls were light blue with white wallpaper at the top . The cabinets were made of wood and see-through glass that had porcelain dishes and cups alongside various herbs and spices. He turned to the kitchen and acknowledged that the counter gave a clear view to anything that was to happen in the kitchen. The young boy noted Mikado was fond of nature and had various plants and flowers miscellaneously placed . All in all, it reminded him of a museum of some sort. Nostalgic even.<p>

Izaya appeared to be calm, but his mind was bombarded with questions and theories. Did Mikado-kun live with anyone ?Did Mikado-kun just barely move? I've never seen him before and I wonder what he likes to read, look over there! What is that? It looks strange ,oh wait those are his slippers. They're so girly. He stopped thinking for a while once his eyes laid upon some magazines on the floor. Izaya lazily picked one up that had to do with electronics and computers. He had this exact same magazine in his own room and had highlighted all the things that caught his interest, but not before he memorized every line in them. He was an incredibly smart boy, which made him incredibly terrible, but that just made him incredibly dangerous .

When he was done speculating the room he placed his interest on his host.

Mikado had a white apron on his waist and had removed small tea-making paraphernalia from the kitchen pantry.

"Please make yourself at home," Mikado called from the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind ,I'll be making some tea and pastries for us. It's the only way I can thank you right now. I hope it's not too much trouble."

Izaya waved him off and stretched his arms.

"I noticed _that_ man following me for some time since I left the grocery...I just didn't know what to make of him. At first I thought it was all in my mind , but as I kept walking, I occasionally turned around to see if he was still following me. I was frightened and had no idea what would come of that predicament...that's when you arrived. Such a young and earnest boy ."

Mikado smiled and Izaya just stared thoughtfully as he was handed a small cup with a saucer. The elder boy poured the tea from a matching pot, it was of porcelain Izaya noticed with small intricate floral patterns. It looked Victorian and reminded him of that era and all the works he had researched on them. He couldn't help but stare at the long fingers holding a silver spoon expectantly.

"Sugar? "

" Two."

Mikado continued to speak as he placed a cake stand on top of the table. The cakes came in all sorts of colors and textures. Some with fruit and some with almonds, Izaya looked at them with mild interest.

"Many people wouldn't bother to help someone in need like I was...people are more interested in themselves...even though they do help it's always out of self interest. What a pity."

Izaya almost snorted as he sipped his tea but nodded in agreement.

"Is this black tea?"

"Yes, mixed with some milk. Is it not to your liking Orihara-san?"

Such polite speech..is he seriously like this all the time?

"Ne, ne! Call me Izaya-kun!Or Izaya-tan!"

"T-that's too informal!"

Izaya didn't know why but he was starting to become attached to this person in spite of himself.

"I'll call you Mikado-kun!" he exclaimed.

"I don't think that's acceptable." Mikado said. "I'm older than you. If anything I should be calling you that."

"How so?"

"The uniform you are currently wearing is from a nearby high school right? Its from ... Raira. I'm not in high school anymore."

Izaya was shocked, but nevertheless he didn't show it. He was taller than the young man and had expected him to be around his own age (17), and anyways this person had such a baby face. Izaya wondered if Mikado was constantly asked for identification in nightclubs and what not. Mikado looked like the type to walk around cautiously even at Tokyo Disney.

Izaya's smirk remained plastered on his countenance, sometimes he thought that 'that' was the only expression he was capable of making. At least it was better than having a scowl on his face. That was so unattractive.

"Uwahhh, so like," Izaya reached over the table excited. " You are an adult!"

"Yes, I'm 22 years old. I was surprised to hear you live here as well, I barely moved today. I had just finished unpacking and wanted to become acquainted with the city...but perhaps some other time."

He had added the last part rather nervously.

Izaya nodded and began eating the cookies and cakes that were in front of him. Mikado turned toward the kitchen planning on refilling the teapot.

"These are delicious Mikado-kun!Did you make these yourself?" Izaya grabbed five cakes that caught his eye and stuffed them into his back pack. Some for the road. Making sure the elder man's back was turned Izaya grabbed the sugar jar and swallowed four spoonfuls.

When Mikado turned around he seemed oblivious to it all as he laid more sugary concoctions on the table.

"Yes, I did. I'm glad you seem to like them so much. If I haven't troubled you yet I would like to see if you accept my invitation to dine with me? I-if you need to get home before your parents scold you it's alright."

Ha!Like his parents gave a damn.

"No,it's fine. I'll stay, besides I want to taste more of Mikado-kun's cooking!"

Mikado was an extremely cautious and mousy person, but he had to repay this boy somehow. He had an uneasy feeling whenever he looked at him,something about Izaya..was off. Incredibly off. And when the younger boy would smile, it wouldn't reach his eyes, those eyes showed not warmth, but vanity .He had a feeling... the feeling of wanting to cry and throw up at the same time. But the strange thing was,he didn't know which one of them wanted to. Izaya or himself.

Nevertheless he put all these thoughts behind him and continued to cook for the young boy and mixed the ingredients with spices stirring them with some chopsticks.

"Smells good Mikado-kun!~"

"I hope your not allergic."

"Not at all,are you a chef?"

"I have just grown accustomed to cook for myself most of the time. I'm actually a teacher," Mikado explained as he added in some shrimp to his mixture. " I plan on working in Raira Academy, I hope you'll be one of the students to call me Teacher!"

It was definitely not a coincidence.

_' How interesting.'_

* * *

><p>After a delicious dinner and polite bows, Izaya walked toward his apartment and dug in his backpack for the cakes he had stolen from Mikado. He was to give one to each of his sisters he told himself. Maybe to his mother if she was in the mood(or not dieting at the time).<p>

He opened the door to his shared living quarters to come upon his two elder sisters looking down on him with contempt.

"Little brother" they sing sang. "You are in troubllllllllle."

Izaya grinned.

"Cake?"

Well that shut them up. The two elder girls whispered to each other as they walked toward their shared room. They were so strange, but he followed behind them .As soon as he assumed he was out of the red he breathed a sigh of relief and continued going upstairs.

"Izaya, come here. Your father and me would like to speak to you.."

Damn.

You mean _you_ want to speak to me ,not my father.

"Coming." He coyly sang.

He frolicked toward his parents side and received strange looks from both of them on the couch.

" Izaya-san, we hope to come to an understanding with you. Please listen."

"Ok, ok ,ok!"

Izaya walked toward the couch gracefully and sat with his legs crossed.

"We received a call from your principle today," his mother began.

" That's amazing!" Izaya feigned surprise."I talked to him as well, he called me in because I was in a fight with this boy. Is that what you wanted to talk about?If so I don't want to talk about him right now, or any time ,really. I have a lot of homework to do, so-"

"Izaya-san...sit down."

" But, why?"

" Izaya, please don't play that 'but why ' game with us!"

"But, why?"

His father decided it was time for him to say something.

"What happened? Is this boy bullying you?We noticed you've been caught fighting lately."

'Caught' was the keyword. Izaya was constantly fighting in elementary, middle school, and in high school. It just so happened he had been going overboard as of lately, maybe he was loosing his touch? Izaya pushed these thoughts away. Some other time.

"No mother, this boy-" He started to put a pathetic face." I don't know why but he just hates me. I tried to be his friend..but he just pushes me away.."

Izaya looked genuinely concerned and for once in their lives the parents thought that they were finally going to become closer to their strange son.

But that moment was short lived as he began to laugh .The young boy stopped after a minute leaving the couple shocked and hurt. When he had gained his composure his smirk grew a hundred fold.

"Can I go to my room now?"

Seeing as the boy would not budge the parents gave up .

"At least tell us where you were today."

"I was at a neighbor's house."

Parents exchanged looks as Izaya climbed the stairs.

* * *

><p>Walking toward his room he heard giggles from his elder siblings and decided that he wasn't up for beginning a battle of wits with them. He didn't know why but his parents left him in a sour mood. They were both idiots and they were the goody-goody two shoes type of people. Sometimes he thought, he and his sisters were adopted and had been given to the same couple. He even tried researching and tried to (desperately) prove his certificate as fake.<p>

He confronted his mother once about it and she just laughed.

Izaya debated over whether he should give her the cake in his backpack and smirked.

"No cake for you!"

Mikado and his parents were the same he thought. Both were a bunch of fakers, he began to laugh silently.( but he still loved them, he did, he did.) He grabbed the cake and smashed it in a nearby wall continuing to giggle by himself. He continued doing so as he sprawled on his bed.

* * *

><p>Muffled music with acoustic guitars and light drum beats were being omitted from the balcony. He stood from his bed draped in a wine bed cover and opened the slide-in door.<p>

A voice began to accompany the music then, and only then , did Izaya began to notice that the song was in Chinese.

The curious boy looked around him trying to make ends meet as to where the music was coming from, that was when he turned to see his next door neighbor's balcony.

Mikado's balcony was decorated by by all types of tulips, carnations ,and roses (these were all Izaya could name at the moment and he reminded himself to look up information on flowers later), so much, that they seemed to be crawling around the place. There was a transparent table crowded in between the balcony and on top of it was a small radio that had a CD player slot.

The young adult placed a teacup to his lips.

" Mikado-kun."

In return he raised his hand and waved politely.

"This song is in Chinese." Izaya stated.

"Yes. "

Izaya had noticed Mikado never spoke unless spoken to, or when had to. He had spoken so much earlier because as a host one should entertain their guests. He put this information in the back of his mind with a new folder entitled 'Mikado-kun'.

"Do you understand Chinese? Wait, is it Mandarin or Cantonese? How cool!"

Mikado raised his voice in hopes of Izaya hearing him.

"Yes, it's my second language. It 's Mandarin by the way. "

The younger boy leaned toward Mikado's balcony.

"Are you half Chinese?"

Mikado nodded.

"Your eyes are blue I assumed you were mixed with a European or a Western country. Have you ever lived in China?"

This child was curious as a cat.

"I lived there for the last two years."

As soon as the boy was getting ready to ask another question Mikado heard a women's voice from Izaya's room.

"Izaya-san?"

It was his mother. She walked out toward the boy and turned around to face Mikado.

"Hello" She bowed politely as Mikado stood up to do the same. "I hope my son isn't bothering you."

"Not at all , Orihara-san. In fact," Mikado rose to collect his tea set. " He saved me today from a robber. Your son is an earnest and kind young boy."

"Izaya-san! You should have told me...and to think I thought you were up to no good!" Izaya's mother began to tear up as she held her son in an awkward embrace. Izaya began to flail around in embarrassment and looked to see Mikado's expression, only for him to have returned inside his apartment.

Inside Mikado's abode he began to laugh joyfully at the sight of the boy's expression. He must have been so embarrassed, he thought.

* * *

><p>Mikado woke up at 6:10 sharp. He made himself a quick breakfast and waited in front of his apartment building. Checking his cell phone every three minutes he breathed a sigh of relief as a car stopped right in front of him.<p>

"Mikado!" Masaomi waved frantically from his seat.

Mikado opened the door of his friends car and began to buckle in his seat belt.

"Kida-kun , I wished you wouldn't scream like that. I'm nervous enough as it is."

The light pop music in the car was being turned down as the driver flashed him a Cheshire grin.

"Look, don't sweat it. I told you, it's going to be just fine."

Mikado sighed.

"It's because you worked there for a while now, you have experience while I don't."

"That has nothing to do with it. Just watch out for two students if you get them. Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima."

" Izaya Orihara? He's my next door neighbor."

"Mikado quit joking."

"I'm not joking."

Masaomi did a double take.

"Holy shit ,Mikado! Do you have the best luck or what!" Mikado's blond friend laughed as he drove.

The two adults continued to talk in the car about the school's facility and it's employees. Masaomi also invited Mikado to eat with him around their lunch break and promised him that Anri would be there as well. Anri Sonohara was a dear friend. Even when he had left to China the three of them ( including their other friends) remained in contact via internet. Before they became adults they were inseparable, they would mostly be found at different parts of their old home town. In the same ice cream parlor, in that same corn field. Those were days they could never go back to.

"So, has Kasuka visited you lately?" Masaomi asked while he steered into the school parking lot.

"No," Mikado unbuckled his seat belt. " But ,I'll be sure to call him soon."

"Well, make sure ,ok? He's really worried about you right now."

_Ok,ok,ok._

* * *

><p>Shizuo stared out into the streets as his elder brother took him to school. They had stopped to get breakfast at a nearby diner and so far the day had been pretty well. Shizuo was just glad he had someone to eat with, food didn't taste so good alone.<p>

"I'll be a little late today, my teacher said my history grades suck."

His brother paid attention to the road in front of him but nodded to show he was listening.

" I hate history. It's stupid , why bother learning it at all? They're all dead anyway."

The real reason why he detested History so much was not because of the material but because of who was in that class.

Granted, the teacher didn't bother him much ((even though he still thought he was a douche)) it was Izaya. That stupid, little bitch was in that class. Just thinkin' about him made him want to rip something to shreds.

In that said History class, picture him surprised when the old man was replaced by a younger guy. His name was Ryuu-Ryuuzaki-sensei...he thought. The young man had also mentioned ((Before a humble bow)) that school tutoring was still offered and he encouraged others to stay three to five in the afternoon . Shizuo could have easily left with just going home and skipping it. After all, the other teacher wasn't here anymore. But he felt incredibly guilty. So he decided to go after school anyways, no way in hell was he going to owe anyone anything.

The teacher began calling row. Shizuo tuned him out but when he heard that stupid ,disgusting voice...he just snapped.

"Orihara Izaya?"

"Mikado-kun!Present!"

"Shut the fuck up you dumb ass!"

"Mikado-kun!" Izaya pouted. "He called me a bad word."

"Don't tattle on me you little snitch!I'll kill you!"

Mikado didn't know what to do and he began to noticeably fidget. He decided that he should take his medication now( he was going to need it) ..but...

"P-please don't fight!" Mikado walked toward the seats. "Let's try to settle this with words."

Everyone looked at the teacher and started to laugh. Izaya included. What a riot! Once the class settled down Mikado ((in hopes that he could change the subject)) began to explain his class syllabus in detail. Soon , the fight that was about to commence was soon forgotten and everyone began writing down notes. Except Shizuo who was confused as to why the teacher hadn't sent him to the principle's office yet.

* * *

><p>Nothing of importance happened that day with Shizuo. The same classes, the same lonely school lunches on the roof. Yet..something seemed out of place.<p>

After school no one showed up for tutoring, ((surprise, surprise)) and it was only him and the young teacher who greeted him with a smile.

He was grateful, since he couldn't really talk well in front of others. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. That same out of place feeling crept up behind him as he sat at a random chair.

* * *

><p>This was all too different for Shizuo .Here he was after school, it wasn't peculiar that he was after school(( since he was usually in detention, or in a fight with a local school gang who challenged him constantly)). Here he was seated in a desk sitting across ...Ryuu...((Ryuuzaki?)).<p>

Shizuo never knew history to be so interesting, honestly, he thought it was all dates and numbers, but what Ryuugamine(?) taught him was that history could be treated as stories. With a main character and some plot twists, and an exciting climax to boot. Regardless of the new information what Shizuo enjoyed the most was the young teacher's passion for study.

"What's wrong Heiwajima san?"

"Nothing."

"Is that so? Is O-" Mikado stopped himself before he would come to regret it." Is someone bothering you?"

"That stupid flea just pisses me off...by just breathing."

"Ahhh, I understand." The teacher decided to leave it for today, he would talk to the blond boy when he was ready. He shouldn't pry.

"Well its not just... that."

Mikado's eyes lit up.

"Sometimes I get so angry and I don't even know why it bothers me so much! " Shizuo gripped the ends of the desk and as he did so, some wood chips began to fall on the ground. He didn't know what he was saying. Why was he going to tell this person anything at all?Mikado blinked.

"I can't control myself. I destroy anything that's around me and I can't stop without someone getting hurt. I don't want to though..." Shizuo gulped. He looked at his history text book's bar code number and started to focus on the dark figures written in permanent marker.

"I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

Ryuugamine-sensei had placed his elbow on the table looking at Shizuo tentatively and at that moment for once he felt as if someone was actually listening to him .Shizuo's eyes connected toward the elder male, and he stood still.

This was the first time anyone had ever looked at him that way before.

Concern.

As if he were a friend.

"I have never wanted to become a threat."

Neither of them said anything for a minute or so. Shizuo just sat there as his frown was slowly turning into a small shy smile. Then Mikado began to speak.

"One time," he said,"when I was about seven, these boys in my class , I think his name was Huang Fu. I never did anything to him..actually I never did anything to anyone. But one day he just started to call me names. Horrible names..I didn't say anything because I couldn't. Really,I couldn't. I was mute when I was young."

As he said this Shizuo noticed the man appeared to be younger than his age and he noticed his hands tremble, tremble just like his were doing in his pocket right at the moment, or any moment. That same movement that he hated himself for.

" One day, they had the idea to beat me up after school. And every time they kicked me , they went closer to my face and whispered 'Want to scream?' or 'Does it hurt? Tell us so we can stop.' As much as I tried to talk I couldn't. What I'm trying to say Heiwajima san is-"

Mikado stopped and stared at Shizuo's behavior and wondered if he had just made a mistake.

Shizuo sat there tapping his feet up and down,wanting to go back in time –wanting to see this guy Huang F or whatever the hell his name was and rip HIS FUCKING BALLS OFF. Shizuo didn't notice when he had thrown the table he and his teacher were on out the window. He didn't notice when the window shards began to scatter outside and in the classroom, and he didn't notice when he had also thrown two chairs outside.

-Until a hand was placed on his shoulder, that was when everything came back to him. He turned around to see the young man crouched down beside him. Why were they on the floor? He didn't remember.

"Everything is going to be OK, Heiwajima-san just breath in and breath out. Everything is going to be ok."

_Ok, ok ,ok._

No one had ever told Shizuo that and at that moment his loneliness hit him,like he was a fish out of water. And he couldn't help himself, and his hands began to tremble and he just remembered that he had forgot to put his own hands in his pockets. His shame was out for the whole world to see. Everything that was bothering him, the looks, the way people treated him , his strength, his mother.

At that moment Shizuo really, really thought everything was going to be ok.

He didn't know why. He just did.

As Shizuo's breathing became steady Mikado began to sigh in relief. He was exhausted yet at the same time felt satisfied.

As he started to pick up the broken shards ((while the young boy went to retrieve the furniture out on the school field)) he felt glad that he had became a teacher.

* * *

><p>Thank you.<p> 


	3. Only

edited 11/25/11

It's pretty hard to think, when you're waiting for your best friend but all you can think about is his safety. It's also pretty hard to think because you feel sort of guilty for having such distrust on a boy who you haven't even met properly. Yet Masaomi could only look at his cellphone, pushing buttons randomly, glancing at the broken window at the second floor of Raira High. Waiting to give his friend a ride to his apartment since he was still in the process of getting himself a car .

A broom and the rustling of glass being collected were the only sounds emitting from said room. There were only two people in 3B a young man, and a boy ; two complete strangers up until just a few minutes ago. Just a few minutes ago was all it took to develop a small but fragile bond between the two .A gentle breeze swayed through them as the young teacher swept the remaining glass toward the small trash scoop.

"Heiwajima-san."

The blonde youth turned around and began to stare at the man who called his name. He did so with such zeal it seemed as if he were searching for something inside of Mikado , something that only he could see.

"It's four in the evening I wouldn't want you to bump into trouble on the way home .May I offer you a ride ?"

"You don't have to...there's lots of people staying after school from clubs. I can just walk with them."

Mikado placed the broom near his desk.

"Ah,so I assume you'll be walking with your friends?"

Shizuo didn't say anything as he placed the chairs upward on the desks. He turned, only showing his back.

"I changed my mind."

"Oh?"

If Ryuuzaki?((Ryuugamine?)) -sensei's offer still stood it would be the second time he had ever went home with someone …

"I hope you don't mind Kida-sensei. Are you acquainted with him?"

Shizuo contemplated who in the hell Kika, or Kida(?) was, he was terrible at names. He remembered the time he was only five years old and he still called his brother 'Hey you!' or 'Kenji '.

"Is he blond?"

"Yes."

"Loud?"

Mikado laughed and Shizuo couldn't help but want to smile. The end of his lips moved.

"That's the one!"

* * *

><p>It took a small amount of coaxing on Mikado's part but the other teacher gave in. Now, inside the car Masaomi turned off the radio(( thank god)) and Mikado took the passenger's seat. Shizuo placed his hands in his pockets staring at the window sitting stiffly in the back seat.<p>

That was when Masaomi began to converse.

"Yo, Mikado so how was the first day of school?"

"It was great.I had a lot of fun today. "

"See? I told ya ,you just need someone to push you into things. Your always holding yourself back. This is why you don't get enough from the ladies!"

Mikado blushed.

"The reason why I don't is because a certain someone scares them away."

"As if I would!I'm the one that pulls them in. I'm a chick magnet for crying out loud!"

They were close,the boy thought. Shizuo wanted someone like that,someone to laugh with, someone to scold. He felt jealous. Why couldn't he have someone like that? Even if it was an empty relationship he wouldn't mind. Maybe he didn't deserve one. These are the type of thoughts he preoccupied himself with.

"What about you Heiwajima-san?" Masaomi grinned to himself, he was being awfully brave today.

"How are you with the ladies?"

"That's none of your business!"

Masaomi's grin grew larger. 'Virgin' he thought.

The rest of the car ride was filled with light conversation and playful banter. When they arrived at Shizuo's house, Masaomi's lips parted and his pupil's dilated. 'Could it be?' He tapped Mikado's shoulder.

"Hey! That's Kasuka's house!"

Shizuo ((who was walking toward his house)) turned back at the car.

"What's it to ya! Wait, how the hell do you know my brother's name?"

Masaomi was getting out of the car, if he was about to be pummeled he wouldn't want his baby to get hurt. He just put in the down payment. Mikado scuffled and stood in front of Masaomi in hopes of decreasing Shizuo's anger.

"Heiwajima-san, do you perhaps have an elder brother named Kasuka? If so, he's a good friend of ours.."

"Shizuo?"

It was Shizuo's mother , she held on to a small elephant shaped water canteen. She was watering plants until she came to see what was making all of the noise in front of her patio.

"Mother?" Shizuo had visibly calmed down, his fighting stance no longer apparent.

"Hello, we're Shizuo-san's young and not to mention handsome teachers. We just gave him a ride home since it was getting a little late." There he goes again. Attempting to flirt in the most tedious of times. "My names Masaomi Kida, a pleasure to meet you." An elbow met his waist, it was Mikado's way of saying 'behave yourself.'

Mikado and Shizuo's mother both smiled nervously. When Masaomi and Shizuo saw thier interactions in front of them, they couldn't help but notice they looked like two sets of mirrors. Both moved their arms nervously, smiled, and averted their eyes at the same time. Following a low, respectful bow. Both stuttered in saying their introductions and both became flustered when the other began to make conversation.

* * *

><p>It was no surprise she had invited both to tea.<p>

The teachers explained their relationship with Kasuka over tea and snacks. The Heiwajima's kitchen was homely, and everything was neat, and in order. A bit of a surprise knowing who lived here

Masaomi and Mikado began to tell Mrs .Heiwajima on how they had met Kasuka in elementary school and continued their friendship along with a group of others all the way toward high school. Over the years the group had all stayed in contact through use of phone calls and the internet. Mikado had just come back from China and this was the first time that all of their friends were present in one town, thus explaining how this was a perfect opportunity to hold a little reunion party.

"I'm sorry, but Kasuka isn't here at the moment. He just left to the grocery store." She placed sugar cubes on the table. "He'll be back shortly , your more than welcome to stay if you'd like."

Shizuo stared at his milk jar and placed his hands in his pockets. But of course this didn't went unnoticed by his mother.

"Shizuo-kun , why don't you ask your teachers for some help with your homework?"

Mikado nodded. "I would be more than happy to help."

He carefully reached for the history book, as if in a way, he was asking Shizuo for permission. Shizuo nodded. "I only have history homework today..."

"Mikado, giving homework the first day ? No wonder your so unpopular with the ladies, unlike a certain someone." Masaomi twirled his hair with his index finger.

Shizuo decided that he was glad that Mikado and his mother were so much alike because neither laughed at Masaomi's jokes.

"Why don't we give teacher and student some privacy?"

Mrs. Heiwajima ushered Masaomi out of the kitchen promising tales filled with photographs and more tea , leaving Mikado and Shizuo at the kitchen table.

Mikado smiled.

"When we're done you can show me your room..if you like."

Shizuo's pencil dropped.

"Oh, let me get that for you-"

Too late , Shizuo grabbed it quickly.

"Why?"

"Well," Mikado rubbed the back of his head. "I wanted to play some games ...if that was alright with you."

Shizuo's face became bright and just like that, he opened his textbook.

The sooner he started his homework the sooner he'd have time for some privacy with his teacher.

* * *

><p>Shizuo's room could be condensed all into one word. Simple. There was only two pieces of furniture ,his bed and a bookshelf. The walls were white . It was clean,but the only place that looked as if it were used was his closet, which was slightly open at the moment. Clothes out of the opening as well as old toys and shoes.<p>

Shizuo motioned for Mikado to take a seat on his bed.

Silence.

"I-I see your quite the reader. May I look at them?"

He had gestured over at the brown bookshelf.

When Shizuo tuned to raise his head the other was already over at the bookcase, head tilted to read the spines. "You like fairy tales a lot. I have quite a few on the Grim Tales at my apartment. " He said," You also seem to like cooking as well."

He picked a book from the shelf.

"Oh! A pastry book!" Shizuo noticed a glow that seemed to surround the elder male. Mikado began to smile, book clenched in his hands.

"May we look at it together?"

Shizuo blushed and started to stutter.

"I -I guess."

Mikado sat next to Shizuo, knees suddenly touching and for some reason Shizuo remembered all those times he saw other people, just like this. Sharing secrets, talking, eating. His hands began to shake and he grew excited ,this was the first time he had ever done this .Now he too can look like all those other kids that rejected him.

" This is a beginner's book. Have you made any of these yet , Heiwajima-san?"

" Nah, I suck at that stuff...I only keep that book to stare at the pictures..."

Mikado began to laugh. Is he laughing at me? That bastard!

" I'm sorry Heiwajima-san , but, you just stare at these? You don't attempt to bake any of these? None at all catch your eye?"

"It's not...that...they don't. I just..can't cook."

"Have you tried?"

" …..Whenever I try to crack the eggs they break in my hand."

Shizuo lifted his hand and extended them softly.

"They just slip."

Like many other things in my life. I'm so fucking lame that I'm just loosing everything.

"Maybe we should make some together some day. I really enjoy making cakes for others..actually I made a couple of these desserts already."

Shizuo became stiff.

" Are you serious?"

It seemed the invitation flew right over the blond's head and the only thing he heard was the baking of cakes.

"How did they taste like? Do they look just like the pictures?"

Mikado couldn't get enough at the change of attitude from Shizuo, he was finally acting like a cheerful teenage boy. He had even gotten the boy to speak more, allowing him to find out some interesting things about him that no one would have known. For instance, Shizuo was a fan of sweets, scratch that, an AVID fan of sweets. He took one Saturday of every month and spent his allowance at different cake shops around town. He had even shown Mikado a book in which he rated each of the shops he visited.

Soon, both of them began to grow comfortable with one another, the atmosphere was soothing.

"You were trying to say something earlier...but I got angry. Again."

Mikado turned to face Shizuo.

"It's fine it wasn't anything important."

A loud slam was heard. Mikado jumped.

"It's important to me!"

The boy registered on what he had just said and began to blush, he gulped and turned to the wall.

"S-sorry sometimes..I just..."

"It's alright."

There he goes again. Reasoning with him that things would turn out just fine , just like his mother always did. Shizuo I'm sure you'll do just fine on the test, Shizuo you'll be sure to make lots of friends this year. Shizuo, I'm sorry that your father died, but I'm sure he's always looking up at you in heaven. He's so proud of you like mommy is...

_'Even if the neighbors don't love me, even if no one else loves me..'_

Regardless if all of these things were empty he held them close.

" Heiwajima-san-"

"It's Shizuo."

Shizuo decided he would be a little braver. He decided..that he was going to take a risk.

"Ah, Shizuo-san?"

A blush. But on whom?

" That's fine."

Mikado started to become flustered waving his hands ,like he was washing some windows.

" I -I feel so happy for some reason...I mean, we're becoming friends pretty quickly!"

Shizuo nodded ,leaving them in comfortable silence. Nothing was strained. Nothing hurt and everything was perfect.

* * *

><p>"It's been a while since we were together like this."<p>

Kasuka nodded sipping on his tea. Many wouldn't think they hadn't seen each other in years( since the other was so calm and poised)..but there goes Kasuka for you. Masaomi chuckled.

"We sat like this as well right?"

'Mikado is so bubbly today, let me poke him.' Masaomi jabbed his finger at Mikado's shoulder.

"The only people we need to make our group complete is Aoba-kun, Sonohara-chan , and the twins. Mairu-kun and Kururi-kun."

" Y'know Aoba-kun was always too busy trying to suck your dick."

Tea was spat.

"Don't say things like that so casually!"

Kasuka spoke. "I agree."

"Kasuka-kun!" An incredulous cry from Mikado.

" See? Even Kasuka's with me on this one. I wouldn't be surprised if Aoba kissed the ground you walked on when your head was turned."

"Now you're just exaggerating."

Kasuka and Masaomi both exchanged knowing looks but changed the subject.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." Kasuka's eyes shown mischievously , he kept a cool air. Both men knew that look...nothing good would come from this.

"Remember when Mairu-kun and Kururi-kun made us play truth or dare at our senior years bonfire?"

Masaomi started to laugh uncontrollably while Mikado started to fidget.

"Y-you swore you would never bring that up Kasuka-kun! Y-you...y-you."

As soon as Masaomi gained some composure he decided to tease Mikado a little bit more. "How can I forget? That's when they dared you two to kiss. Didn't they take photos?"

Kasuka nodded.

"I have some on my photo albums."

"P-please don't go get them! I have some at home anyway..."

"Awwww! I bet you have them all framed up with those crappy valentine themed ones."

"Masaomi!" He only used his first name when he was scolding him.

" Stop that Masaomi, " Kasuka sighed. "He wouldn't have them in valentines frames. Mikado-kun has better taste than that."

"Kasuka-kun!"

The three friends continued to catch up on the old times they shared. The nostalgia was too much to bear at times, so they focused on the present instead.

"So is your health any better Mikado-kun?"

When Kasuka asked this question everyone became tense, for the response was what they feared.

"I'm alright. I'm doing much better.

"Are you sure?"

" Yes."

'No', was what Masaomi and Kasuka thought but didn't tell him.

"Let's meet again this Friday!" Mikado cheerfully (but politely ) shouted.

"Yeah, Yeah!" Masaomi chimed in. "We'll gather everyone this Friday ,and go have another bonfire."

Kasuka started to write down what they were expected to bring and agreed to run it by the others.

After they had said their goodbyes to Shizuo and his mother, Kasuka walked his guests out.

He patted Masaomi in the back , thanking him for the visit. When he reached Mikado they embraced and he pulled the shorter man closer. "I'm glad your back."

* * *

><p>When Mikado walked up the stairs he sighed. It wasn't the kind of sigh that meant "boring" it was the kind of sigh that meant "tired". There was a feeling in his chest that felt like a bubble, he was so excited to be back in Japan. He was in a new city, with old faces...but that wasn't new. This place felt like China, ((he lived in a city there too)) yet he missed it. Yet everything didn't seem real to him. He met a boy with uncanny strength, he saw the monstrous flare in his eyes when he tore things apart, but he also saw the compassion and...a feeling he couldn't put into words at this exact moment.<p>

He fumbled for his keys.

In fact nothing ever felt real for this young man, but he accepts them just as is. Maybe that explains how he can adjust to all these strange and destructive people in his life.

-but it didn't explain a young raven haired teen on his coach.

" Welcome home Mikado-kun!"

" I'm back?" He said this out of habit. Then the interrogation began. "How did you get in my apartment?"

" I walked in through the balcony."

"But the door to that was locked too..."

" I picked it with a knife."

"Orihara-kun, it's a crime to do that you know."

" Not when your underage."

Mikado sighed, giving in.

"Make yourself at home."

He placed some bags on the kitchen table.

" You're going to let me just go like this? It's dangerous you know! Why did you ever let me in here in the first place Mikado-sensei?"

It seemed this boy was lying. Mikado knew this since the day he met the boy. Under this boys face was a facade, an innocent face revealing the devil. He decided, it was wise to be careful with this boy.

"The first time I let you in my house was to repay your favor."

The grin on the young boy grew larger as he stretched his hands.

"Now what is it this time that makes me invited in your home?"

"Curiosity."

Izaya gave the elder man time for himself to get ready, to change, and perhaps to prepare himself. After all who wouldn't want to look their best in front of him?After he graced them with his presence. Mikado came out a little later with his slippers on.

"Want anything to drink?"

" Your tea was too sweet yesterday, and your cakes...I hate sweets."

" T-then why didn't you tell me?"

" I wanted to try them. I still hated them. I gave the other cakes to my sisters. I threw all of them back up though, so there's no need to worry."

Mikado was emotionless.

" You said they were delicious."

" I lied."

Silence.

" The rice with shrimp? That was simply wonderful! Now, don't take it personal Mikado-kun. I just hate sweets. My sisters thought they were delicious though, their compliments. Did I hurt your feelings?"

He didn't say it out of concern, he said it in a mocking tone.

" No, it's fine. I'll make sure to make other things that you might enjoy in your next visit."

"You're so considerate Mikado-kun. You're so nice to me that you make me want to stab something!"

Silence.

Mikado was starting to become nervous, this kid, was too much. This kid.. was dangerously off.

"Was there something you wanted to talk to me about Orihara-kun?"

The teen grabbed his backpack and placed it on his back.

" Bingo! Neh, Mikado-kun. Come with me somewhere. I want to show you something. A treasure! "

"At this time of night?" Eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

The boy turned serious, the most serious in the two days he had met him. He seemed five years older than he really was.

"It's my secret and I want to show it to you."

Mikado could breath again.

" In return you can ask me any question you like."

Mikado stood up to grab a coat. He didn't have much of a choice did he?

" Will you tell me the truth?"

Izaya smiled sweetly.

"I never said that."

* * *

><p>The night was like a splatter of dark hues, it looked like a painting. Splattered with white and silver and gold. Izaya wondered, what would it be like if he could actually feel the sky. He wondered if it would feel like sex, or would it feel like cracking an egg. But there was no time to think about these things. Mikado was with him. Why is it that whenever he was with him he thought of the most important things?<p>

"Orihara-kun where are we going? Isn't this the sewer?"

The water was spewing from the pipe and the smell was absolutely horrid. Mikado placed a sleeve on his nose. Izaya walked a little further until he found what he wanted to show the teacher.

It was a dead body, to be exact a whole skeleton. The hands still had some dead flesh, and it had a gray look to the pieces of old skin . It smelled awful.

"Orihara-kun..."

"Look, there's more!" A little further down was a little small bag, he opened the bag and Mikado gagged.

"W-what's in there?"

"Cats, dead cats."

Mikado didn't know why was he here. He didn't know why he wasn't throwing up. He didn't know why he was in Ikebukuro, where he could hardly see the sky because of the pollution and because he always tried to live in a city when he really belonged in a field.

" Is this...your treasure? Your secret?"

Izaya had never looked prouder.

" I didn't kill it, I just found it one day and visit it every once in a while." Izaya opened a can of coffee.

" I like to come here and think, give it company."

"And the cats?"

" I found them like that. Here too! Why? Are you grossed out?"

" ...You should tell the police. What if someone continues to kill people..and animals. They dump them here and get off free?"

" That's ok because I love them."

Mikado looked at him like he just threw up.

" Y-you know the person that killed them?"

" No, I just..I just love all humans! They're so interesting, the way they act, the expressions they make. They're so perfect."

If one would hear this young boy at any given day one would say he really was in love,expressing his said love.

'But this isn't love' Mikado thought._ 'It couldn't be.'_

" Except Shizuo. He's a disgusting piece of shit."

" I think.. that sort of love should be for one person."

They stood on top of the bridge, above the skeleton and the dead bodies of animals. Mikado walked quickly to get there and would prefer to stay there. He started to walk on the edge while Izaya watched him quietly.

" I can't love just one person...that would be too selfish of me, don't you think?"

Mikado didn't speak for he was too busy staring down at the river going toward the sewer pipes. He saw bottle caps, and plastic bags, he even saw cereal boxes along the stream. The height was grand, so grand that if you fell from there you would clearly die. Mikado didn't know it at the time but this was the exact same spot Shizuo came to think as well. Another bond they shared, yet didn't know they had.

" So what did you think of the skeleton? Where you scared? Disgusted?"

This is it , Izaya thought. This is when I can determine the type of person he is.

" I...didn't feel anything. I was surprised...I had seen bodies on television and movies. Those were fake and I." He stopped and his eyes became unsteady. "...actually. This doesn't seem real to me."

He started to feel dizzy.

"None of this feels real to me at all."

It was a quick moment , a second but Mikado was slowly falling down. To an outsider it seemed fast, but to Izaya it was all in slow motion. He grabbed on Mikado's leg and started to pant heavily, pulling him up.

For some reason , Mikado found this position familiar. Both persons trembling, both persons panting of exhaustion, and Izaya's expression was the same as his was.

It was the same as Shizuo's.

It was at that moment that Mikado realized what was off about Izaya. It was at that moment that he figured out that look Shizuo had that he just couldn't put into words. It was at that moment that Mikado found something that Izaya and Shizuo had in common.

Those eyes, that held on to him, pleading. Boring onto his skull, those trembling hands that held his knee at the moment.

Izaya lifted his head when both were safely secure on the ground. Sure enough it was that same expression Shizuo had on his face when he had just destroyed the classroom.

**It was loneliness.**

[It was at that moment that Mikado realized that these two young boys were desperately lonely. ]

He stood up and helped the younger boy up (who was laughing so much he was crying).

" Mikado-kun you're such a tease!"

Mikado frowned. He didn't know why he felt so weak.. he had taken his medicine after all.

He then decided, he would help these two boys. And maybe, just maybe he could cure them of their loneliness.

No matter how mentally ill one was, or how socially awkward the other one was.

He would try.

* * *

><p>Thank you.<p> 


	4. one

11/25/2011

Late September , when he was usually working on classwork and thinking about how apples are the perfect symbol for the said month was when it had started. In fact , maybe it started a little earlier than that but now Izaya just doesn't know anymore. He wanted it to be precise because it was important to him on how he would write it all down in his laptop later. He was doing a biography of sorts ((No, it wasn't a diary)), and it had to be precise.

If it wasn't he would just die.

It was a bit windy, but it wasn't day. It was at night and Mikado couldn't get the image of the morbidity he had seen a couple of minutes ago. The smell was something he couldn't get used to no matter how hard he tried, but that really wasn't what had left that deep of an impression on him. The place where the eyes were supposed to be were nothing but vacant holes, Mikado wondered what eye color they were, before that person had died. His hands were trembling and he couldn't forget how close to dying he was just a few seconds ago.

But then again, he was always close to dying. Everyone was. He thought sadly.

He turned to the young boy who had saved him , who was perched on the ledge of the bridge at the moment. Izaya's legs swaying back and forth as he enjoyed a can of black coffee. It was dark brown.

"Are you a womanizer Mikado- kun?"

Well, that was out of the blue.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You're a womanizer aren't you, no...wait. That's not it." Izaya stood up, dramatically raising a finger toward the sky. "Your what I call a ' personizer' ."

"'Personizer'?" How did Izaya even get the word 'womanizer'? Mikado's mind turned to his friend Kida Masaomi. He shook his head.

" Yup, you are a 'personizer' . You charm people into your life, you make people do things for you without any problems regardless if you are aware of it or not. I'm the same , I'm just conscious of my capabilities while you on the other hand are not."

The older man shook his head.

" I don't think so. I'm just plain, ordinary. You... you are the only 'personizer' here. In fact.." Mikado looked toward the sky. " Your probably the only 'personizer' I've met."

Izaya turned his head , smirking as he did so. He faced Mikado and chuckled.

"And just like that you reel me in. _Personizer_."

Mikado didn't know what to make of this label, so he just fiddled with his apartment keys. He coughed a little. He didn't know whether to accept it as a compliment or as an insult.

"Thank you." He finally decided.

Izaya jumped gracefully down the ledge ((like a cat, Mikado thought )) and skipped the opposite direction.

" Want to go see the body again?"

" N-no thank you.. it's turning late. How about we just walk home?"

Izaya smirked.

" Fine, fine. But I hope you'll keep this a secret…I mean. I'm not doubting you or anything Mikado-kun. I'm just making sure is all." He had his knife out , playing with the tip of his blade. Mikado gulped.

" You can count on me Oriharhara-kun…and if anything is bothering you…you can come to me as well. With confidence!" This was Mikado's way of becoming closer to Izaya. Maybe the boy just needed someone to talk to. Perhaps this could give Izaya more experience talking to others, perhaps this was why he was so abnormal. Because he lacked communication with others.

Mikado knows this well because he once was like that.

" Actually," Mikado began. " You remind me of an underclassman. Me and him are close friends.."

" But that's impossible! There can only be one of me."

" Actually, he's very much like you. Perhaps I should introduce you two someday." Izaya changed the subject.

" Nee, nee Mikado-kun. You said I could talk to you about anything right?" This was going to be fun.

The elder man's eyes lit up. He knew that if he put in the effort things would go down smoothly!

" Y-yes!" Mikado's fist's were clenched in front of him, a determined look on his face.

" Alright, do you like it when girls swallow or spit your cum? Or do you like giving them facials?"

The small bag Mikado was carrying was on the floor. What did he just get himself in to?

"Uhm…Well! That..is…" Mikado shut his eyes. "Why are you even asking about those sorts of things anyways?" His face was red, he was pretty sure of it.

Izaya shrugged.

"I was just curious. Me, I'm the sort of guy that likes all three of them from time to time."

"Y-you mean you have had sex before?"

"Pffft. What are you? A nun? This is the 21st century, my dear."

The traffic light turned red.

" Don't call me that. A-and aren't you a bit too young for that? I mean… it's all about maturity and –"

" Sex is only mature on the outside. It's actually quite childish if you think about it. For many, It's merely an act that is in practice because people want to 'show' their love. They want love to have a physical form. It's no difference than winning a trophy and having your name and a title."

Both of them walked side by side as the lights changed.

"What a bunch of fools humans are. They think sex has anything to do with love! It doesn't….ah, Sex without the act of procreating is filled with contradictions don't you think?"

Mikado had to agree with him at some points but kept his mouth shut for the most part.

" Are you using protection?"

"Of course…is that all you have to say?"

" Yes."

" I am certain you are still a virgin."

Mikado didn't know why Izaya was so keen on showing him up. It appeared that this boy wanted to be viewed as…an adult?

" I'm not."

For some reason Izaya didn't feel so well.

" Really? Ohhh."

* * *

><p>The pair passed several shops and saw many "open" signs turn into "closed" signs. There was a couple holding hands alongside a man enjoying a cup of coffee. Mikado made note of how late it was when he flipped open his phone.<p>

"Orihara-kun, don't you think your parents might be worried about you being out this late? You can use my cellphone to call them if you'd like."

Izaya reached into his own pockets to reveal a red I-phone between his hands. 'Latest model' Mikado thought.

"No need. They don't even realize I'm gone."

The elder man sighed.

"How are your parents like?"

"They are nice, normal people. Those that attend birthday parties the same way they visit my teachers for 'back to school night'."

"Then...ah.."

A laugh. The boy understood. How can such normal people raise a son such as he?

"I don't know." They continued walking " I'm a problem child right now." He said this as if he were proud. " I have two elder sisters ,and my parents think it's because of their influence that I act this way. Or maybe they weren't around enough. I think to myself, this is my parents theory? Because they weren't around I decided to frolic with a knife and stay up late?"

He laughed a little. "

" My family life holds no traumatic events, I even babysit my smaller cousins from time to time. Back in Elementary and Middle school I used to win trophies and medals. I was always first in class , I still am though. I was even student council president. But when I entered High School..."

Mikado braced himself for the tragic event that had probably changed the young boy's life, the event that made him follow the life of a sociopath. Ok, so maybe he was getting ahead of himself.

" I woke up one day feeling different. Nothing else, nothing less .I guess I grew up, ne ?" Izaya smirked showing off his teeth.

"Y-you mean...this is Orihara-kun's personality?" Mikado placed a finger to his head. "I see. Well, people do say the more you age the more you become. Meaning when you age you'll become more like yourself...if that makes sense."

"If that is so,I like myself very much."

Was that a lie or was that the truth? I can't tell anymore, but that's ok. Half the time I'm not even sure of myself either.

Mikado pursed his lips and tilted his head slightly. "Where does Orihara-san get that confidence from?"

Izaya placed one of his hands towards him. As if asking for the other male's hand.

"I believe if you overestimate yourself you'll soon learn if you were wrong . If you underestimate yourself well," the wind was howling. " You'll never learn anything at all."

Mikado gaped at the young man in front of him and could only say.

"Yes."

* * *

><p>The two stopped along the way inside a Family Mart loading on chips and snacks. Izaya crisscrossed each others elbows and latched on to him. Much like a child pulling their parent to a toy they wanted, Izaya pointed at coffee and sour candies . After Mikado gave in ((and brushed him off delicately)) they started walking further toward the apartments. It was a little less than ten minutes away.<p>

The two began another conversation, this time it was about clothes. The teacher commented on how he always saw Izaya with a red shirt instead of the school's mandatory collar shirt. Izaya responded with a smirk claiming it didn't suit him. He claimed people should always wear whatever looked best on them, and that the elder should start wearing suits with bright colored ties. Maybe it would lighten him up, and maybe he should smile a lot me. He was cuter that way.

" Well, you smile too much." Mikado back talked.

-and Izaya did something strange ,with a look that was one part strained and one part angry.

Izaya was frowning.

"Why should I frown? There is nothing to be afraid of or unhappy about. I'm a good boy and the world is always hugging me. The humans too."

Mikado could only stare as the young boy rambled to himself. Izaya's stomach hurt a bit, and all these voices started speaking to him all at once. Those voices were his own thoughts and they sounded like water, or maybe eggs cracking.

What do I want?

Izaya stopped. He slowly turned around to face Mikado with a passionate look, his eyes a deep red seemed to glimmer underneath the street light.

" Mikado, just look at me, ok? Just watch."

Mikado understood Izaya better that night.

* * *

><p>Once at the apartment ,Izaya plopped himself on Mikado's couch, making himself at home. He cuddled between the sofa's many pillows,stretching as he did so. Mikado told the younger to wait there ,he was going to change. He walked to his room until something happened.<p>

Mikado clenched his head painfully and fell towards the floor. He started to wheeze and cough.

He couldn't breath .

There was a loud 'thump' that could be heard all throughout the apartment.

"Mikado-kun?" Izaya called from the living room.

He left the magazine he was reading at the table and walked through the small hallway leading to the bedroom.

Mikado was having some sort of fit on the floor and the only thing on Izaya's mind was 'What do I do?'

He darted his head back and forth.

In the corner of the room, alongside a lamp decorated with floral patters was a machine. It was a light brown color with several stitches and buttons ,there was a breathing mask as well. It was a medical ventilator.

Putting two and two together Izaya grabbed the machine and placed it near the shaking body. The young teen grabbed the clear mask and placed it on Mikado's flushed face.

Several minutes passed and Mikado's breathing became steady with a rhythm. Sighing ,Izaya placed his head on Mikado's chest((he had wanted to hear the man's heart beat)) it was beating quite fast 'like a marching band' he thought. He placed a hand on his own chest as well.

That was when he noticed his heart.

It was beating just as hard as Mikado's was.

* * *

><p>After the incident Mikado called Masaomi right after. Izaya pretended not to listen as he flipped through the channels on the television.<p>

" ...No you don't have to come right now...Masaomi..it's 10:15. Tomorrow we have classes to teach. It was nothing, really, Orihara-kun helped me while he was visiting me..."

The doorbell rung.

" Ah, there is someone at the door..."

The young boy stood up and walked toward the door, noticing Mikado mouthing the words 'thank you.'

He didn't expect to see his eldest sisters looking up at him. He assumed they were out looking for him,but before he could say anything they charged toward Mikado, hugging him and giving him kisses.

After a knife appeared, nervous glances and shouting, ((shouting, shouting, squeals)) the four of them sat down ((while Masaomi was still on the line)) and explained certain things to Izaya that he had no clue about.

* * *

><p>It seemed as though the three were High School pals , and earlier that day Mairu and Kururi were called by a certain loud blond man. He had told them that Mikado was living quite close to them and both went to Mikado's apartment to see if it was true. Sadly, the blue eyed man was out at the moment and this was the third time the twins had tried ringing the door bell.<p>

Mairu adjusted her glasses and spoke animatedly across the table.

"To think you were right here, it's like that saying' So close yet so far'!"

Kururi nodded solemnly

" Yes...(Surprising ,very surprising)."

This proceeded by more hugs and invasions of personal space.

"I had no idea Orihara-kun was related to you in such a close way..on second thought. I should have known. The three of you are eccentric enough.."

Kururi smiled and placed her hand on top of Mikado's.

"Happy..(to see you, very much.)"

" I'm happy to see both of you too, Kururi-san."

Mairu bit the cookie she had on her hand.

" So Mikado-kun, are you ready for the bonfire on Friday?"

Izaya's ears perked up. Bonfire?

"Ah, I still haven't planned yet..is Aoba-kun coming?"

Kuriri blushed and nodded happily. 'She still likes him' thought Mikado .

"That's great news! I haven't had the time to call him, I switched cell phone numbers when I arrived here in Japan. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I completely forgot about Kida-kun!"

He held his cellphone to his ear and explained to Masaomi what had happened, asking for forgiveness.

Izaya sat beside Mikado and happened to hear perfectly well what the other said on the phone.

" It's ok , man. Look at you, having two chicks at your apartment! Way to go Mikado!" Mikado flushed and reprimanded him for his shameless remark. " Anyway, I gotta go. But be careful ok? I wouldn't want you to get hurt...again...my Mikado..." The other man's voice sounded pained and just like that he added a bright farewell and hung up.

'My Mikado .' It struck Izaya that Masaomi had said that. Claimed him. He thought about it for a while but all it left him was this sick feeling in his stomach.

* * *

><p>Half way across the city, Masaomi was brushing his teeth. He looked at the mirror and contemplated on calling his girlfriend (( he didn't know what else to call her.)) They were having 'problems' and he wasn't sure if he and Saki were even friends .Around the time he was brooding, Mikado had called him. His closest friend. After the call ended a sudden dread filled him. Fearing the illness that had a hold on his friend since child hood. He can only hope.<p>

He had to keep hope alive.

He grabbed a drink of water, too tired to walk toward his room, so he slept on the coach. He looked at the ceiling and wondered why was it that, whenever he felt depressed he would remember when he was a young child living in that small town he used to call home.

That night he would have a dream, except it really wasn't a dream. It was a memory.

* * *

><p>When Masaomi was a child, like any other he wondered about princesses and kings and knights and even about pipers. He was always a happy child with loving , warm parents. He was the center of attention at any event he pertained to, be it birthday parties or school events. Always chosen first and always the other children even fought to stay on his team. Regardless of these things he felt out of place. He didn't belong in this small town. Such were the thoughts of a child. A very strange child.<p>

Masaomi drank some lemonade ,put it on the counter. He counted the seconds because it was all he could do to refrain his head from exploding due to the 'boredom of doom.' He fancied the idea of getting on his bike for a ride down to the field. (The one with the swamp at the edge.) If only it wasn't presumably haunted he would immediately pack a lunch and go.

The townspeople had many tales that they passed down to the young ones. It was that sort of town where everyone knew each other, the sort of town that greeted each other daily. One of the tales was disturbingly morbid. It was about a young women named Kyoko. Kyoko was a young girl just like any other , dreaming of one day to live in a foreign land with her prince charming. One day she met a boy and fell in love ,they wed shortly after.

Tragedy struck the young couple and Kyoko's husband was killed on a tragic horse ride accident. The women wept and in her despair killed herself by drowning in a pond down by a field. To this day many of the townsfolk have heard her wails whenever they passed by that road. It is said if she catches you she'll take you with her into her watery grave. She didn't want to be alone.

Masaomi shuddered, he knew it was all a lie…..it just had to be. He was about to go inside when suddenly a moving van stopped in front of his house.

Those were the new neighbors his mother had told him about. He ran toward the front gate. Perhaps they had a kid he could play with. He was ecstatic when a small figure began to walk carefully out of a silver car. The strange thing was that he had a cane.

Masaomi greeted him.

"Heyyy!Welcome to the neighborhood!"

The boy waved at him and smiled.

Masaomi took this as a friendly invitation, the boy seemed nice. Ordinary. Too ordinary.

" My names Kida Masaomi! I'm the king of the playground y'know? Your gonna have lots of fun here. You should tell your parents to let you play with me while their busy packing and stuff. Oh look, there's my mom!"

Masaomi's mother walked out of the house with freshly baked cookies and milk.

"Why, hello there! Are your parents inside the house right now?"

A dark haired women walked toward Mikado in a hurry.

"Mikado-kun! Please, don't run off like that...Oh, hello. It's a pleasure to meet you." Mikado's mother bowed slowly with a smile.

"It seems you're new to the neighborhood. Here I baked these for your family. I hope you enjoy your new home here . Where did you move from?"

Mikado's mother accepted the platter.

" We came from a small town not to far from here. We came here because I had a good job opportunity."

" Ahhh-, I understand . It's been hard nowadays. But don't worry. This town is peaceful and gang free. My, your son is really a shy one isn't he? He should play with my Masaomi he's loud enough for the both of them!" Mrs. Kida started to laugh but she stopped when she noticed the look on Mrs. Ryuugamine's face.

"I'm sorry... but I don't think Mikado-kun is going to be playing with anyone for a while."

" What makes you say that?"

"He was born blind and mute."

Mrs. Kida's face first became shocked, then as the seconds went by she looked hurt. As if she was the one responsible for what had led to the young boy's current situation.

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be, he just needs to get adjusted to his surroundings. He'll be able to walk around by himself in no time."

Mikado smiled, and while he did so Masaomi stared at him. He had never seen a blind person before, he thought. He looked into the shorter boys eyes expecting them to be white or foggy, even pitch black like the myth his school yards chums had told Kida about blind people. They weren't. They were the color of his blue truck he had bought at the summer festival two years ago, they were the color of the Crayolas in his box. Which color was it? He thought it was called 'Cornflower'. Mrs. Ryuugamine noticed Masaomi's fixation on her son and smiled sadly.

" Your wondering about why his eye color is blue, right? Because of his blindness his eye has a lack of pigments giving him Central Heterochromia in both of his eyes ." She explained carefully not noticing the lost look in Masaomi's eyes. He supposed she was really talking to his mother who stood there looking at Mrs. Ryuugamine in deep interest. "His eye color might have been a brown or a darker color. Can you see it? It's just because of the outer spreading of the blue that it looks like that."

And Mikado could only hold his hands together because he felt like he was some sort of attraction. Even though he had never seen one he knew what it was. Entertainment.

At school he was placed in the Special Education class. He liked it there. He heard the teacher's voice, it was slow and calm, he felt no ill intentions. All around him he heard sharp noises that he had never heard of, that he couldn't really explain . He touched a thin piece of material and he swayed it back and forth enjoying the soft swish sound it made. So that was how a paper sounded like.

He grabbed a long stick, no it wasn't a stick. It had something soft at the end. It was a pencil.

He felt that he could do anything.

Today was good. He thought.

* * *

><p>Masaomi's voice was bright and felt warm. It felt like lemonade and ice. Masaomi felt like the mud he splashed around in when it rained. He wanted to be with him forever.<p>

Unfortunately, Mikado couldn't be with his new friend since they both had different classes. They did have recess at the same time. His classmates greeted him warmly, but he heard hesitance, sometimes even fright in their voices.

"Hey, this is Kasuka-kun!"

"Hi."

Mikado didn't know it at that time but he was standing in front of the two boys that would become his closest friends.

The trio walked home every day after school ,sometimes they stopped by the store near the school to buy some vanilla wafers and mochi from Mr Simon . He was a big burly man, and Mikado could feel the greatness and kindness in his voice. Kasuka always left in the middle of a fork in the road, his house was the other way ,he had said. Masaomi would leave Mikado at his home only to come back minutes later. In fact , the blond boy would always appear with a new idea and a new conversation, and truthfully he felt like he had something that no one else had, that he had a treasure that no one else knew of.

* * *

><p>Sometimes it was hard.<p>

Children at school were the worst. Some pushed Mikado, others talked to him in a taunting manner. Mikado tried to ignore them but it just made his life harder.

"Hey ,I'm talking to you !Or have you gone deaf too?" Laughs, always laughing.

Often times they would put into use mean tricks. Pushing him on the ground, placing tacks on his seat. Of course the culprit wasn't anyone in his special class but the people outside it. Sometimes they would pinch him and he would try his best not to cry. Some even called him ugly. But it didn't bother him because he didn't even know what that was. -because he had never seen what ugly was, he had never even see himself! They might have been telling the truth, he thought.

He was a stranger even to himself.

When he would sit down it stung, and many times he would cry. After that he always placed his hands on the seat before he sat, feeling for a tack. After school, Masaomi and Kasuka would see him coming out of his classroom ,rubbing his eyes.

Crying with eyes that couldn't see.

Masaomi always fought back. Always. He proclaimed that anyone who messed with Mikado had a problem with him, Kida Masaomi . Sometimes that helped, sometimes it didn't and sometimes it just made it all the worse.

* * *

><p>One day Kasuka suggested they teach Mikado what 'colors' were. Mikado was very much interested on what they were and if there was any possible way that he could feel them for himself. Of course he couldn't voice these opinions but he had nodded vigorously when asked.<p>

They were eating lunch at the time and Kasuka took an ice cube from his juice and placed it on Mikado's hand.

"Ice is Blue."

So Blue is cold.

Outside Kida went in front of the school field and plucked a flower from the ground along with some grass. He grabbed Mikado's hand and placed the grass into them.

"Grass is green. Plants are green."

Green feels sort of wet, but smelled fresh and clean.

"What else could we show him?"

" Red is angry."

"Yeah, like when your face feels all hot and you just can't stand it!"

Masaomi was excited showing his friend new things. He felt like he was needed, he felt like he had a place in the world. But as a child we usually say things we don't mean, that we really don't understand.((We usually understand the things we say much later and it hits us like a rock and we slap ourselves in the head saying "Oh god, I really shouldn't have said that.')) This was going to be one of those moments.

" Hey , Mikado when you sleep do you have nightmares and dreams? That sort of stuff?"

Mikado nodded.

" In your dreams can you see stuff? Like can your eyes work now? Do you see color and can you talk?"

Before Mikado's expression could change and before he could nod or shake his head, Kasuka took Masaomi's elbow and promised to come back quickly. He told him to stay put. Mikado did.

Kasuka was a quiet child. He never had much of a passionate expression, so when Masaomi saw him he was stunned. Kasuka's eyes spoke for him that day and they had become dangerously dark eyes, he was angry.

" Don't ever, ever say that to him again."

Not wanting to make the boy even angrier he decided to make a card for Mikado. With glitter and blue construction paper. That color, what was it again? Corn flower. But he stopped, and he got up and threw the scissors toward the nearest book shelf.

A teacher came to calm a blubbering Masaomi down , she patted his back as he said,

"What's the point if he can't even see it?"

(( Later on Masaomi apologized profusely to an elder Mikado. Mikado wished he could have apologized sooner but accepted it anyway.))

* * *

><p>Kasuka seemed to care for Mikado quite fondly. But sometimes it hurt him as well. His expressionless face contorted to something akin to depression. He felt like he was no help at all sometimes .Especially when the school had extended recess . In one of the occasions the teachers presented them with colors and notebooks to do some landscape paintings. Mikado stood out to the side and just sat there listening to the wind between his ears and listened to the crayons on paper.<p>

Kasuka and Mikado both sat together on the field ( since Masaomi had a cold that day). Kasuka was already beginning to sketch his work when he turned to the other and asked-

"Would you like to paint the flowers with me?"

But Mikado just cried. It wasn't fair.

* * *

><p>"One see with one's brain, not the eyes. Eyes only provide input. It is very possible that Mikado-kun could regain his sight back. We see no damage internally to his eyes besides the Heterochromia. His lungs are a bit damaged but other than that he can try making sounds at a time ."<p>

The doctor placed the chart down.

" What you should be more concerned is with your illness. What if he is infected ?"

Mikado's mother held on to her son tightly. She changed the subject with a question.

"So you are saying that this is a mental issue?"

"I'm afraid so. Mikado is the only one able to regain his sight back. But let's put that aside shall we? Here are his prescriptions for the next week, after that I will commence your weekly check up…"

He wants to see. He wants to so badly, but it doesn't happen.

He then tried to cry and scream his loudest. But no sound came out. But what would he know about any of those things anyway? He had never done so in his life.

* * *

><p>Masaomi woke up sweating that morning.<p>

* * *

><p>When Shizuo walked to his classes he usually went so at his own pace. He liked to stare at the scenery and he liked to stare at the people. What he really liked to do was stare at lonely people.<p>

Sometimes he thought' hey, their just like me.', and he sees them do the strangest things. He remembered this one time, there was this one girl trying to tap her pen on a book. The ink splattered into her hand leaving the blouse filled with black finger prints. He didn't want to admit it, but it gave him comfort. Other people were like him.

Today was different.

He practically ran toward his next class. Why? He didn't know.

But maybe it had to do with the teacher.

Mikado's hair looks like some sort of a dark blue in the sunlight, Shizuo thought. He wondered if his hair also changed color. Absentmindedly, he touched the ends of his hair.

"Today, I'd like to assign you a group project that will be worth forty percent of your grade. You, along with a partner will create a poster board and a small diorama on whatever moment of history that you would like." He looked up and smiled at Shizuo. The blond's cheeks flushed. " Shizuo-kun would you care to help me pass the assignment to the others?"

The teacher had a stack of papers on his hand.

The boy stood up and grunted. That was a 'yes', Mikado hoped. He handed him the papers while he assigned the groups carefully.

When Shizuo passed the slips he didn't even look as he passed one to Izaya. It seemed as if he threw it at him , not even wanting to get close. Izaya thought about if he should stick his foot out to trip the taller boy, but decided against it. He was a bit tired from yesterday. He didn't get enough sleep.

" Alright class, here are the teams."

Few in the class braced themselves, some had their fingers crossed hoping that they would pair up with their desired person.

" Orihara Izaya with Kishitani Shinra."

A boy with glasses waved to Izaya fanatically it seemed he was happy with the situation. On the other hand,Izaya stared at Mikado then at Shinra assuming they were both in cahoots together determined to annoy him.

" Celty Sturluson and Shizuo Heiwajima."

Shizuo looked at the young girl in front of him, their eyes met . Shizuo nodded while she smiled, they had never talked to each other. He only knew her as ' that girl who can't talk' and she knew him as ' the boy who is dangerously strong' .

That would soon change.

* * *

><p>Friday came by quickly.<p>

The sky was a bright blue. They looked like marshmallows , Shizuo thought.

He was in that expensive car his brother liked so much. Driving somewhere. Shizuo wondered if it was the beach ((since he brought swim wear and a cooler filled with snacks)), and wondered why would his brother invite him. Kasuka had said there would be some of his friends coming along at the beach as well.

" It's a bonfire." Kasuka stated. He parked the car in front of a well kept apartment , right next to another expensive car. There were people in it.

The window rolled down to reveal that one teacher who gave him a ride that one time...Masa...Masayuki? Wait..no..Masaomi? What the hell was he doing here?

" Yo, Kasuka!" He greeted. " Hey there Shizuo-kun!" Shizuo growled, just cause he was an adult didn't give him a right to call him by his first name. Someone stood in front of the apartment complex and shut the gate with a key .It was Mikado.

" Why, hello Kasuka-kun, Shizuo kun." He greeted warmly approaching the two brothers.

" I'm glad both of you could make it. Shizuo-kun , let's have fun, ok?"

He patted the mop of blonde hair and rubbed it affectionately , smiling at the younger boy. The eldest looked at them curiously, most would have been punched towards the air, or at least leaving with a few broken bones . But none of that happened to Mikado . All he got was a boy biting his bottom lip, nodding furiously.

Shizuo had never been to the beach with a crowd before, and he had never been with a friend either. He didn't know what was it that friends did at the beach, he thought that if he didn't focus he would do everything incorrectly. He didn't want to mess things up. Not when his only friend was around.

Kasuka smiled softly at the man outside their car. He pointed at the container he was holding.

"What's that, Mikado-kun?"

"Oh? This? It's something I baked.. they're pastries..desserts. I made them for Shizuo. He told me the last time I went over to your house that he loved sweets. I hope it isn't any trouble."

Shizuo looked at the container and didn't know what to say, he was sure that his entire face was red right now. Yet, he had a feeling in his chest. It felt like something was about to burst out of him, it was a feeling, a feeling that he couldn't put into words.

" Stupid," He turned away. "Of course, I'll accept them."

Mikado smiled, and -

" Shizu-chan is so rude! "

He knew that voice anywhere.

In the other car, in the second window, there he was. Izaya. Waving slowly at the other boy. Grinning.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

" Shizu-chan , I'm going to the bonfire of course! Don't I deserve to have fun as well?"

" No. Go die."

Kasuka turned on the car.

" Bye, we'll see you there."

Nice save, Mikado thought as the car quickly left alongside a screaming and angry Shizuo. He turned around and went inside the other vehicle. After a while Masaomi started the engine ((along with the music Mikado seemed to dislike so much)) and glared at Izaya.

" Don't provoke him."

"What are you talking about? He was the one that just decided to be mean all of a sudden. Why would you want a monster like him anyways?"

Mikado stayed quite for a moment .

" You are not getting any caprisun."

Izaya gasped and pouted deeper into his car seat. His sister's were seated right next to him whispering things to each other and turned to face their brother.

" Why are you always fighting with that boy , little brother?" Mairu poked his cheek as he swatted her hand away.

" Mean ((You are mean.))" Kururi added.

" I am not mean, and because he's fun to mess around with. He takes everything too seriously. He has no sense of humor."

A voice came from the front of the car.

"Hey, sorry but you guys are going to be a bit squished. We have another guy coming with us. We're about to pick him right now, and there he is..that bastard. Why do I have to get him? Couldn't Kasuka pick him up? Oh, yeah. It's because of you."

Masaomi glared at Izaya through the top mirror in small stilts.

Izaya smirked.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Masaomi extended his head outside the window. " I'm about to leave you!"

A young man stepped outside a house in a temperamental fashion. He had several coolers in his hands, alongside a huge umbrella. He gave Masaomi the finger.

" Aoba you little fucker!"

"Masaomi!"

"Kida, I'm about to slam this cooler up your-" The coolers and umbrella were now on the floor and forgotten. The expression on the man's face was the look you get when you love something. The look that you give kittens while they play with yarn. Adoration.

" Mikado-sempai!"

" What the hell..." Masaomi unplugged a finger from his hear. " Was that a squeal of a friggen Banshee?"

Aoba started flailing his arms and raced toward the car.

" I-I had no idea you were in Japan! Oh...Oh." He started to hyper ventilate. Mikado's eyes became wide and he immediately walked out of the car.

"Aoba-kun! Aoba-kun! Snap out of it! Oh, gosh someone help!"

Half an hour later Aoba sat in the back of the car right next to Kuriri ((who had her head on his shoulder )) as he spoke excitedly to his Sempai and asking him certain questions about his flight. The talked for a while alongside Kuriri and Mairu, and sometimes Masaomi ((who desperately needed to keep his eyes on the road.))

" I swear Kasuka is going to get a speed ticket one of these days."

After a while Mikado handed a juice box to Izaya.

"Here."

Izaya smirked,((who was listening tentatively to the adult's conversations in the car)) and grabbed it. He decided to see how deep of feelings Aoba had for his teacher, and decided to try them out. He reached further ,allowing Mikado and his fingers to touch. This behavior didn't went unnoticed by Aoba, who narrowed his eyes.

" I thought you weren't going to give me any."

Mikado looked outside and opened the window. It was warm.

* * *

><p>Thank you.<p> 


	5. Who

11/25/11

It was morning when it had happened.

Mrs. Kida was making breakfast when none other than her friend Hiromi (Mrs. Ryuugamine) came bolting through her door with child in hand. Both guests were crying in front of her, but not out of sadness. For joy. The tears came out in Goliath proportions and the housewife in her apron offered tissues and pats on the back. What could have possibly brought this up?

Ryuugamine Mikado at the age of seven could see.

After subduing her emotions, Hiromi explained over a pile of pancakes what had happened. She was doing the laundry when her son had started running towards her. He pointed to his eyes and seemed frazzled. She didn't know what to make of it and continued to set more clothes with pins. This only made him hold on to his mother's long dress and begin pulling the hems. She was a little confused,and a little worried but she really just had no clue on what was going on with her son.

" Mikado..what is it?"

Mikado pointed to his eyes again.

" I don't understand...do they hurt?"

Mikado seemed frustrated and stared at his mother. As if in a bolt of lightning had struck her, his mother widened her eyes. Usually when her son would cling to her, he never looked at her face; he always looked away and nodded when asked questions(( but never in her direction)).

The basket of laundry fell on the floor.

"Mikado-kun...can you _see_?Oh, my gosh! Mikado-kun!"

Mikado nodded as his mother held him and started to sniffle a bit.

* * *

><p>Mrs. Kida had tears forming at the corner of her eyes as she began to dab it with a piece of tissue paper. She had a smile on her face and beamed at her friend.<p>

" I-I'm so happy...Mikado-kun's life will be so much easier now!" Mrs. Kida's tears started to pour out of her and she began to call out Masaomi . " Masaomi! Masaomi! Come quickly! Honestly, that boy always sleeps in late on Sundays."

"What is it Mom?" The boy had on his pajamas and bed hair. "Oh ,Mikado what's up?" At the sight of his friend, Masaomi immediately brightened and bounced toward the seat closest to him.

"Masaomi...Mikado-kun can see now!"

"What!" Masaomi's eyes were big as saucers. When did this happen? It all seemed so sudden, and why wasn't he there when this took place?He looked at Mikado with disbelief and noticed his eyes did seem different, they had a glimmer in them that wasn't there before.

"Can you talk now too?"

Mikado looked at the floor and shook his head. He seemed frightened(( and a little ashamed)). He noticed that the floor had small little designs and cracks in them, he wondered why no one looked at them since they were fascinating. Actually ,he thought that maybe they were all used to the beauty that was around them. That maybe they took their sight for granted. And that was sad.

" I guess...he has never seen other humans before...to anyone that would be frightening wouldn't it? Everything is new to him."

It felt like a dream.

Mikado now understood more clearly the colors that were explained to him that one time in recess, he understood everything much better. 'So this is how the world looks like.' he thought. He looked outside the window and saw the green fields sway through the soft breeze. ' It's pretty.'

Masaomi smiled at him and scooted closer.

"I'm Masaomi! Do you remember me?" Small hands were placed on the blond boy's face and soon placed on his hair as he was petted softly by the other.

Both women chuckled.

"He 's probably curious about your blond hair. I wonder what he'll do when he sees your father."

"Did someone call me?"

An elder blond man sat at the table greeting the two guests. He had a newspaper on his hands and sat down with a hearty chuckle. He smiled at everyone and ruffled Masaomi's hair.

"Dear, Mikado gained the gift of sight! Can you believe it?"

The man seemed to widen his eyes(( just like the others had)) , and stared at Mikado for a while. He proceeded to pat the child on his head.

" Atta, boy Mikado-kun. We all knew you can do it! Now we can teach you how to play catch with Masaomi!"

He didn't know what 'catch' was , or more than half of what the others were saying and the things around him. The only thing he did know was that the warmth around him seemed to glow, and the feelings he had for everyone around this table were genuine. Mikado knew that he never wished to be in that darkness again.

* * *

><p>Hiromi felt like her son was reborn. She had to teach him from the start on how to do certain things on his own. Like how to bathe and how to eat correctly with chopsticks and knives and forks. She was relieved, that the boy didn't even once complain about housework and even asked to do them for her. She wondered if he liked to do so because the longest he couldn't do anything for himself. Maybe this was a way he thought to repay everyone for their kindness? If so, she was glad to have him as a son.<p>

Usually, Masaomi would knock on the window near the kitchen. Why he never knocked on the front door was a mystery to her but she accepted it as one of his quirks. She decided that if anyone should protect her child, it should be Masaomi.

" Masaomi, take good care of him alright?"

Masaomi turned around as he held Mikado's hand.

" I promise!"

_What a thing to say._

"That's a bike, and that's a sponge, and that's my favorite toy car and—"

Masaomi turned around to see his friend crying ,blinking repeatedly and straining his eyes outward.

" Mikado-kun! Mikado-kun! Do I need to get an adult?"

Mikado was terrified of blinking. He thought the moment he did so, he would return to the way he was before. That he would return to the nothingness that he saw before. It didn't bother him much when he had no sight, but that was only when he didn't know what he was missing. He even started to develop a severe case of insomnia for a few days, and worried his mother sick of what would become of him.

She didn't know what to do and she decided to invite Masaomi for a sleepover. Perhaps what her son needed was companionship and a nice long talk with someone his age to ease his worries. On a Friday, Masaomi arrived at their windowsill with his sleeping attire and a bag with some of his favorite toys.

The sleepover began like any normal one, games , snacks and late night television. The two boys decided to sleep on the couch((since it was right in front of the television and right near the kitchen)) but when it was time to go to bed, Mikado had began to cry. Tears spilled down his checks and even though no sound came out it bothered Masaomi to no end. He hated to see others cry and started to pat Mikado's head.

" C-come on Mikado, " Masaomi whispered through the darkness. "Only girls cry."

He didn't succeed in making Mikado stop crying, but he did succeed in realizing the true reason why his friend was acting so strange. He felt an incredible sadness not suitable for a child his age and he sat up straight facing Mikado.

"Hey, Mikado...nothing is going to happen to you...I'll protect you, ok? Your mom told me to. And if I can't your mom will, and If she can't Kasuka's there. I bet you that he's protecting you from far away and we can't even tell! I mean, remember that time that guy was beating you up after school? Fung something? That Chinese exchange student? I wasn't there after school cause I had to go to an dentist appointment but who was there?"

Silence.

" Kasuka , that's who! He came right after and chased those guys with his little brother, well that's what I heard anyway, but ...what I mean is... That you don't have to be scared of the darkness, I mean, we'll always be here. And..and.."

Masaomi didn't know what he was saying anymore.

" I can only hope you'll listen to me."

It was silent for a moment, and in a couple of minutes Mikado had fallen asleep next to Masaomi's side. The blond child was rubbing his watery eyes and glad he was able to sleep. He just needed a glass of water and tiptoed into the kitchen for it.

Mikado's mother was on the table, looking at him while she drank her coffee and said.

" Thanks for keeping the hope alive. We're going to need it."

He would soon find out what she would mean. He turned around ,walking sleepily toward the sofa as Mikado's mother began taking her capsule medication.

* * *

><p>When Mikado saw Kasuka for the first time, he was timid at first but quickly became closer to him. In fact it was way quicker , and adjusted to him faster than he did with Masaomi. Kasuka was quiet and gentle , everything Mikado liked and admired. Kasuka was also music savvy, and had different records from all around the world, he also had many interesting picture books, in short, Kasuka was everything that the arts had to offer.<p>

When asked when the trio could have a play date at his house, Kasuka always said 'no', when asked roughly by Masaomi he said that he had a little brother and he was very shy with strangers. He would wait until he was a bit older and then, they could come anytime they liked.

One day, Mikado pointed toward Kasuka's back pack that contained painting utensils at the moment.

"Do you want me to show you how to paint?"

Mikado nodded.

" What would you like to paint?"

Mikado pointed toward some flowers on the field.

At that gesture, Kasuka stood up and gave Mikado a hug and didn't let go for a long while.

* * *

><p>Mikado no longer needed to be constantly cared for and he seemed joyed at the prospect of doing things for himself. He was also placed out of the special needs class, since his handicap was his only issue, not his mind. The children around him accepted him much easier than before, and was even asked to take part in some of the games. Of course some of the children still bullied him, but that was life. He was happy.<p>

Unfortunately, it seemed as if the price to pay for getting his sight back was his mother's health. She was always tired and sick, and spent days on end without cleaning her home. It became so bad that Mrs. Kida offered to be her cleaning lady for a while.

(( Mrs. Kida seemed to know something and she always looked like she was about to cry whenever she was with Mikado.))

At school he learned how to read and write, and by the age of eight he was already proficient. He loved words, and he loved to appreciate a good book, so Japanese became his favorite subject quite quickly. His second favorite subject was History. Mikado had become infatuated with the commanders and tacticians , how they used their minds to make decisions, how everyone relied on them and asked them for guidance.

The mute boy sought a way to communicate besides sign language, so he began to voice his thoughts through paper.

'Mrs. Kida why am I sleeping over at your house today?'

" Your mother is sleeping at the hospital today, she was ill. She'll be better tomorrow."

* * *

><p>It was lunch time and the trio ate their lunch quietly(( actually only two of them, the loud blond boy was too busy cat calling girls)). Mikado took out a small notepad from his white shirt's breast pocket and began to write.<p>

'Kida-kun where is my mother?'

Masaomi stopped waving and turned unusually serious, he faced the other direction.

"I don't know..my mom said I wasn't supposed to tell you."

" Masaomi..." Kasuka spoke quietly. He turned to Mikado and looked at him with a bored expression, although Mikado knew, that his expressions could be told by merely looking at his friend's eyes. Kasuka squeezed Mikado's hand under the lunch table. "Mikado, she is in the hospital. We already told you."

' Can I visit her?'

Masaomi got in between them, tearing their hands away in the process.

" I'll ask my mom when we get back ,ok? Hey, look at Keiko !I'm gonna ask her to be my girlfriend! Just watch me! Yoo-hoo! Baby cakes! I have a song just for you!Let's get -PHYSICAL, PHYSICAL!"

Mikado and Kasuka both placed their heads on the table's surface in annoyance. Not again. They both groaned.

* * *

><p>The first day he visited his mother at the hospital Mikado dressed to impress. He was wearing knickerbockers and a small suit jacket alongside some nice brown shoes, the young boy wanted to look nice for his mommy.<p>

It was unusual, since he wasn't greeted by his mother, but by a stern looking doctor. The man was young((he looked to be around his early twenties)) and Mikado remembered him as the person who constantly took his blood tests.

" My name is Awakusu Shiki," The adult faced Mikado while the young boy looked at his shoes. "I'm the doctor in charge of your mother's health. If you don't mind, I'd like to give you a small check up. Your mother has already given me the confirmation."

Mikado followed the doctor to a small room. The room was surprisingly colorful, and had a hint of infancy to it. The pediatrics room smelled of clear rubbing alcohol, but the most interesting thing in the room was a young dark haired girl sitting on one of the available chairs. She had a bland expression and didn't seem to be interested in the room nor in Mikado.

" Anri-chan," Shiki called. " Please wait for a moment outside."

The young girl obediently walked out, closing the door with a small 'click'.

Weeks became months, and in due time his mother earned a permanent place in the hospital. Mikado was currently living with Masaomi's family and his visits to the hospital became more frequent. Whatever his mother had was hereditary ,Shiki explained to him. He told him that they had to be careful and make sure Mikado's was under control . Curiosity got the best of the young boy, and asked what the mystery illness was called; Shiki changed the conversation and called Anri to play with him.

The stern doctor and the dark haired girl soon became an important part of Mikado's life quickly. Even though Shiki 's face was stern Mikado knew better. Being blind as a child gave him a very insightful sixth sense about things. Shiki's voice gave it away that underneath his rough exterior was a person that was very respectful. He was fair, but strict.((Even though Mikado heard something rougher in his voice, he merely pushed those thoughts away.)) Anri was much quieter, but when she would talk she sounded so lonely and scared. A lonely but kind person. The two of them became close friends quickly, and even went out and played in the lobby or even to the corner store buying snacks and games.

* * *

><p>Mikado never told Shiki, but he saw the elder man as a father.<p>

* * *

><p>Sometimes Mikado stayed after just to watch him. Shiki in his desk writing and reading papers. He would stand by the door way and always clench his fists near the doorknob. He wondered what would happen if one day he walked across the room and told Shiki to play with him, or even worse, tell him what was on his mind . Like how he got beat up at school today, or that the other kids picked on him, and why was his mother sick, and how he didn't want her to end up like father did.<p>

He didn't want to die.

In the small crack of the door to Shiki's office the world seemed so small, that crack made him feel like God, peaking onto the earth through the clouds. Mikado had never seen god, and for some reason wondered what was his name. When he couldn't figure it out , he then wondered if the world could be this small, the size of an office room.

* * *

><p>On a Wednesday Kasuka, asked Mikado to go with him to a school audition for a play.<p>

" Mikado-kun, I would like for you to accompany me..." Kasuka looked at him with the same expression he always had. Bland. However, his eyes were watery at the moment. " I feel...that if you're by my side I can do anything."

Masaomi snickered at them.

" What are you guys doing? Confessing your _love_ or something?"

Mikado smiled but Kasuka crossed his hands and turned away. He was red.

* * *

><p>When Mikado arrived on Thursday to the Hospital, Shiki was waiting for him at the lobby with a wrapped gift.<p>

" Where were you on Wednesday? You weren't spying on me that day, where you too busy?"

Mikado had never been so embarrassed. He didn't know what to do and he turned his head anywhere, everywhere but Shiki!

The elder man placed a hand on the boy's chin , titling his head up.

"Mikado-kun, look at me."

The child had started to cry.

" Boy's shouldn't cry..." Shiki sighed, and placed a hand on Mikado's hair, ruffling it affectionately. The man started to gain a light blush on his cheeks and coughed. " I missed your company yesterday. It's really no trouble for me if you want to watch me work. Next time, I'll have a seat for you."

It just so happened that Shiki viewed Mikado as a son as well.

Their bond grew and grew, and on the afternoons their time consisted of visiting Mikado's mother, and sitting together quietly as the blinds on the windows filled the room in an ethereal glow. It was the days Mikado could never go back to.

"Mikado-kun, on weekends I teach a class of Aikido. It's a type of martial arts. A boy your age would enjoy it. Care to try?"

The boy agreed and on the upcoming Saturday was in a car with his idol. Shiki didn't drive with music and kept looking at his phone.

Mikado noticed that Shiki had three phones, he didn't know why adults would need three and reasoned that maybe it was because Shiki was rich. After all Shiki was a doctor. Maybe he had a phone for each of his emergencies?

When Mikado arrived at the gym , he attempted to dress in his Hakama. He had a hard time tying it, and before he could try another strategy , Shiki came up to him and fastened it. As he did so, the elder man explained to him what Aikido was, kneeling, to give the talk a much more personal approach.

"In Aikido we teach how to defend oneself while also protecting their attacker from injury. To save your own life, you need to think about the well being of others. You must be kind to everyone Mikado, because everyone is fighting a battle. Even though we cannot see it."

Mikado looked at Shiki's eyes and thought about it for a while. The elder man stood his ground and waited for whatever the young boy was about to do.

Mikado hugged him.

Shiki understood Mikado better that day.

Much better, especially after he and Mikado arrived at the Hospital that day in a rush. Shiki even crossed red street lights, his cellphones all ringing at the same time. As soon as they arrived at the hospital, Shiki began barking orders. Mikado had never seen Shiki so strict ,commanding everyone in arms reach, he had a face mask and utensils ready. He then saw that his mother was on a mat being rushed to the emergency room.

Later on that day, he didn't need to write what he felt on paper because you could clearly see it on his face. The tears were enough. He was crying for his dead mother.

* * *

><p>Mikado was now 10 years old, and he was currently living with a stern uncle who lived at the edge of town. He would have to bear it until his grandparent's house were renovated before he could move in with them. His Uncle worked as a construction worker around town and was a very stereo typical macho man. When he saw how sheltered and feminine Mikado was raised he sought to change that. He called it 'toughening him up', what Mikado called it was 'torture'. Sometimes when he didn't meet his uncle's expectations he hit him, other times he sent him upstairs with no supper. His uncle did have good intentions, he thought by doing so his nephew would have the strength to speak-but all it did was close him up further.<p>

Growing up Masaomi had wished Mikado's uncle dead so often. He imagined him getting run over by a car, he imagined one day he came over with a match and set his house on fire while Mikado cheered him on . He imagined some guy coming out of the television to beat the crap out of him. It was practically a hobby.

Once when he passed by, he saw Mikado cowering near the stove crying while his uncle had the belt in hand. He told his mother what he saw and sadly she said she couldn't do anything about it. She even sent her husband to try to talk to the man but all he received was a slammed door in his face. Nothing was said to his grandparents, since Mikado came personally and asked them not to. He didn't want to worry his sweet grandparents and honestly, he said, it wasn't that bad.

" Why are you always getting bruised, Mikado?" Shiki asked as he applied bandages on the side of Mikado's arms. His arms had purple splotches mixed with blue, and he hissed when touched. Anri was at the door eavesdropping and worried quietly as Shiki tended to Mikado's wounds. Mikado looked at the floor.

"You're not going to tell me?"

Mikado took out his notepad and wrote furiously, he flipped the pages and continued to write and once he was finished he placed it in front of Shiki's hands.

Shiki began to read it out loud , but as he read it he stopped and dropped the notebook at the floor. He looked at the young boy in front of him and slowly walked closer to him and enveloped him in a soft embrace. He patted his head, and said-

" You're a good boy Mikado-kun. If only I had the courage to also follow my advice."

Anri felt like she intruded in something private, but when she was about to take her leave from the door she noticed the notebook on the ground. She read the words but did not understand. On the note it had said,

_In Aikido we teach how to defend oneself while also protecting their attacker from injury. To save your own life, you need to think about the well being of others. You must be kind to everyone Mikado, because everyone is fighting a battle. Even though we cannot see it._

After a few minutes later, Shiki called Mikado out and asked to see his caretaker. When his Uncle stepped out of Shiki's office he looked a little jumpy and alarmed.

" Wh-who the hell are you making friends with, Mikado?" He asked as if he just saw a ghost.

He started to treat Mikado much nicer after that.

* * *

><p>It was a warm sunny day , so Masaomi thought it to be a perfect day for bike riding and insect catching . He brought some lunch ((enough for three)) and went to Mikado's house. Kasuka was already waiting for them at the fields. Once he arrived, he had to fight the urge to go toward the windowsill and knock. He remembered he couldn't do that no more. So, he reluctantly walked toward the front and knocked on the door twice. No one answered. He knocked on it two more times and yet again no one answered. Strange. They were usually here at this time. When he was about to leave he heard small footsteps scurrying around the house. Mikado was in trouble. He just knew it. Masaomi gulped and he opened the door((it wasn't locked)) and walked around the house searching for Mikado.<p>

He saw Mikado's uncle hitting his friend at the top of the stairs, a broken plate next to the boy. This was the last straw.

"Hey! Leave him alone!"

The elder man turned his head around and stared at Masaomi.

"What are you doing in here? Get out before I call your parents for trespassing!"

" Leave him alone! Leave him alone or I'll-"

Masaomi pictured Mikado's mother smiling at him.

"You'll what?"

Masaomi clenched his fists.

Masaomi, take good care of him, alright?

" I'll make you."

The man looked offended and screamed at him.

" Who do you think you are you little brat!"

Masaomi climbed further toward the top of the stairs and stood on the same ground as the taller man. Mikado mouthed words, probably telling Masaomi to leave or to drop it. He was ignored.

" Leave him alone! You're always hitting him for stupid crap! If you don't want him here then just let my family take care of him. You're only doing this because of the inheritance money his mom has, aren't you?"

"What does a brat like you know? Your not an adult. You should stick your nose out of other people's business. Your little friend here is a little pansy. You know what his problem is? His problem is how everyone babies him!He has to learn how to talk! If he doesn't learn then, I'll just beat it out of him, so help me!"

I promise.

"And your a hypocrite and a bully and a douche bag!" With this, Masaomi plunged on top of the elder man, accidentally causing him to fall from the top of the stairs. He tumbled down and with a 'thump' he laid on the floor motionless.

It was quiet for a split second, and when your young obviously in this situation there would be confusion. So Masaomi did what he could only do, he grabbed Mikado's hand and ran out the house. They ran out the door not even bothering to close it, they ran across the town ,never looking back at the people giving them questioning looks. They ran until they were tired and when Masaomi let go of Mikado's hand. They both were out of breath, breathing heavily looking at each other.

Masaomi knew that he had fucked up big time. He would go to jail for murder and his parents would be ashamed. He looked at the pond in front of him feeling a sense of dread fill his chest.

They were in front of the pond claiming to be that one young woman's grave. Kyoko. He stepped back a bit.

"Mikado I -"

A loud wailing was heard.

Oh shit. It's not real, it's not real.

Mikado's eyes were bloodshot, and he sniffled.

"Mikado don't make a sound." Masaomi whispered this ,he didn't know why. It's not like he could talk anyway.

He was scared. Then he heard small noises ,small little noises that sounded like someone weeping. He turned to Mikado's direction.

It occurred to him that Mikado was trying to form words.

The first words to sputter out of Mikado's mouth were-

"M-mmmasaomi- Masaomi -M-M-Masaomi..."

And Masaomi held him, like Mikado held him. And they had a good cry but they cried even harder because they didn't understand why they were crying in the first place.

In a way Mikado was Masaomi's first love. Nothing good had come of it , but it happened. They both grabbed on to each other as they walked quietly back to town, but not before Masaomi heard a small woman's voice.

" Keep hope alive."

He thought that he understood now, that maybe Kyoko wasn't actually Kyoko. Maybe it was all made up, and it just so happened that the only thing here was the dead's accumulated despair. Maybe what they wished for was for hope right after they died. Like Kyoko who lost all of her's right before she drowned herself . Masaomi promised to visit this same spot the next day to give her his thanks.

When they walked along the dirt rode they noticed a small figure holding something in it's hands. Up close they clarified that it was Kasuka , he was waiting for them with juice boxes.

He had on a straw hat that was too big for him ,and had a net in his backpack. For catching insects obviously.

" Welcome back ." He said.

That night Masaomi and Mikado returned to their homes like nothing had happened. No incarcerations took place, and no one cried. Mikado's Uncle just knocked out for a little while and accepted it as ' stupid kids playing'. But honestly, he was just a little scared of Masaomi, he had never known that a little kid was capable of doing something like that, and he was also scared of that doctor.

His warning still ringing in the man's ears.

" If I find out that you hurt Mikado again, I'll kill you."

" Listen, here. I don't care who it is, but no one threatens m-"

" Have you ever heard of the Awakusu-Kai?"

Mikado's uncle straightened in his seat. The Yakuza? He didn't like where this was going.

Shiki stood up and glared at the man.

" If you don't be careful they might just pay you a visit."

"Are you threatening me?"

Shiki looked at him lazily, but soon turned into a glare that rivaled the man's own.

" No, I'm warning you."

* * *

><p>A week later Mikado was sent to his grandparent's house. They lived in the middle of town and it was where the shops were jumbled all in one place. His grandparents were kind people and they never became angry with him. The only downside to the move was that they were dirt poor. With this in mind , at age fourteen he decided to get a part time job at a bakery. Shiki was the one to refer Mikado, and assured him it was a safe and easy job. He didn't know how to repay this man's kindness, to the young boy, Shiki was a ray of hope.<p>

Shiki and Anri were still there, and a very active part in his life. The doctor had even given Mikado's grandparents financial help, though they always politely declined. He bought them a new stove, a new refrigerator, a new washer and dryer. Mikado always wondered where Shiki got all that money, but as he grew older he now had an idea how. Shiki didn't tell him, but Mikado heard many rumors about the man.

Besides his profession as a doctor, he was also an active member of the Yakuza. He never once asked Shiki about it, and why should he? He had faith in Shiki.

Around this time, things became different and consistent all at the same time.

He was in his final year of Junior High and Masaomi no longer visited him. Sometime's they saw each other at school, but other than that he claimed that he was too busy. He always had an excuse. Mikado knew that that wasn't it.

Kasuka did visit him, and ate lunch together in between classes. At that time, Kasuka had became a popular student, he had a flock of fans all thanks to the school plays always choosing him as the main lead. He was also the president of the Drama club. If there was one thing that stayed the same, it was Kasuka , Mikado thought.

One thing that changed was that Anri joined their group. Shiki decided it would be best if he placed Anri in a public school, that she needed to socialize more. She was welcomed warmly to their group and became somewhat of a personal confident in Kasuka as well...if only Masaomi were here, Mikado thought.

The roof was empty ,so the trio decided to eat lunch there. Mikado sat in between his two friends Anri, and Kasuka, then, they began to talk. It was the same thing they asked each other every day. How was class? What did they bring today for lunch? The like.

Mikado opened his milk box, when out of no where a pair of chopsticks were raised to his lips.

"Say, 'ah'." Kasuka spoke. It was a piece of octopus sausage .

Mikado ate.

Anri smiled at the display of affection between the two boys and started to speak.

"I was wondering, if you knew him?"

The boys raised their heads and looked down as Anri pointed toward a blonde boy laughing along a group of other students.

Mikado smiled proudly." He's our friend Kida- kun. Why? Are you interested in him Sonohara-kun?"

" Oh, no reason..."

Kasuka looked at her.

" Is it because of the rumors?"

Rumors?

" What rumors?" Mikado turned to face the two teens.

" There's a rumor," Kasuka began as he undid his tie. He needed some air. "-that Masaomi-kun, is the leader of the Yellow gang. Yes, that yellow gang. The gang that has caused many riots in town recently."

" Kida-kun? But..he's harmless."

Anri's grip on her bento tightened.

"Mikado-kun...are you..seeing him right now? I mean...look at the people surrounding him."

Masaomi was dressed fashionably((as fashionable as a delinquent can get)) surrounding him where problem children, hair dyed, piercings. Dangerous looking.

* * *

><p>" Long time no see, Mikado-kun!"<p>

Mrs. Kida held on to Mikado's hands and welcomed him into the living room. He sat down on a random piece of furniture and smiled as the kind women offered him some tea.

" I'm glad your doing well, Mrs. Kida. My grandmother would like to give you her thanks for the wonderful pie you baked us the other day. It was delicious."

The woman's eyes shone at the compliment and placed a hand on top of Mikado's.

"How about you,dear? Are you alright?"

Mikado fidgeted a bit and looked at her.

"It seems that ...I have the same thing my mother has."

The clock that stood near them seemed to tick faster.

" Oh...O-Oh,no..." Mrs Kida's eyes started to swell up. " I...I didn't want that for you Mikado-kun, I didn't want for you to hurt like my Hiromi-chan did..." She grabbed a tissue from the table.

" I'm sorry.." Was all Mikado could say.

"Have you told Masaomi yet?"

" Kida-kun ? I haven't talked to him in a while..."

A puzzled expression.

" That's strange, he said he was having a sleepover with you today."

Mikado's lips twitched.

"Ah, silly me! I completely forgot about that! Yes, he told me about it in lunch,ah,-what a wonderful tea set-"

Masaomi...What are you doing? What's going on? Aren't we friends?

On the following Tuesday, someone was awaiting Mikado's departure from class.

It was Masaomi. The crowd of students surrounding the hall seemed to have vanished quickly at the sight of him, giving him passage.

" Hey ,Mikado-kun! Long time no see! Missed me?" Masaomi extended his arms out.

"Kida -kun!" Mikado eagerly walked toward the taller boy and gave him a hug. " How are things?"

Masaomi smiled and twirled dramatically. " Nothing much. I just came to walk you home today. I haven't seen your Gramps and Granny in a while."

The two talked about nothing for a short while, earning stares from the rest of the students. Mikado chose to ignore it, he was just happy he regained his friend after a long absence.

" I saw you with your friends the other day!" Mikado walked side by side Masaomi. They both walked through that same field in which they used to play together with Kasuka. "You guys were in front of that liquor store ,that one in front of the pawn shop. It was pretty late, so I wondered what you guys were up to."

Masaomi's demeanor changed and looked at Mikado . " What were you doing out so late? It's dangerous."

" I had to pick up something for my Grandmother..., hey. Kida-kun...what's wrong? Are you leaving?" Masaomi turned to face Mikado again and raised an arm to pat the shorter boy. " Yeah, I gotta split. I have plans with a friend today. I can't be late...and hey, Mikado?"

"Y-yes?"

Masaomi scooted near Mikado's face, and when he did so, the blue eyed boy realized something was wrong with his friend. He kept telling himself nothing was off, but this was just a confirmation.

" Stay just the way you are, ok?...If anyone messes with you just say the words, got it? I'll take care of them for you."

"Masaomi..you're not ok, are you?" Mikado pushed Masaomi away gently.

" You're doing something you shouldn't be doing...is that it? Are you really in a gang Masaomi? Your mother is worried about you, your father too!"

By this point Masaomi turned around, ignored his friend, and walked the opposite direction. He didn't want to hear Mikado, if he did, he would drop everything and listen to him without a single thought. Mikado was his weakness, just like he was his only rope to normalcy.

Mikado was a type of person that was quite, bashful, and extremely sympathetic. He devotes himself to others. But every now and then, something mysterious would occur in his persona—somethings so sharp and unexpected would come out of him. When Masaomi was in his teens he would try to analyze to the smallest bit of 'why' ? Why would he do that? He found it to be useless.

In real time, Mikado could only clench his fists and shout out-

" Why do you always run away! You're nothing but a coward!"

* * *

><p>Masaomi was lost. He didn't know why he picked fights for no reason. He didn't know why he beat them up so badly that his victims spent weeks in the hospital recovering. He didn't even know when this small group of followers turned into more than six and more like forty. He now had a gang((Yellow Scarfs)), the nickname of 'Shogun', and a heavy weight on his shoulders.<p>

He stood in front of his 'turf' with his lackeys daring anyone to even cross paths with him. Recently, there was a slight problem with his gang though. In this small town, there were now three gangs in existence. The Yellow Scarves , the Blue Squares and the Green Jets . Something had to be done, and today there was to be a meeting between two groups as to what to do. Of course this was all a disguise for a setup, which involved terminating the other group.

Obviously , the meeting ended with fist fighting and setting things on fire. But not before a bloodied, much smaller boy came screaming after him. It was a younger boy, who just so happened to be named Aoba. The leader of the Blue Squares. Sure, Masaomi thought, we'll go after the young kid. He's probably a flake. How wrong he was, in fact he didn't even know who the hell was he up against. Aoba was everything you shouldn't ever double cross , ever.

" Masaomi Kida! You just started a war! I'll get you! I'll get you , you son of a bitch!" Aoba scrambled on the ground as his face was getting kicked into the ground, and did Masaomi hear a bone crack just now? "Just you wait you bleached blond! I'll kill you!I'll kill you! I'll ruin your whole entire life!"

Masaomi had nothing much to say except a snarl and started to spit on the younger boys face.

"You're lost."

It was on.

* * *

><p>The following day more acts of vandalism and delinquency occurred around the school, and near certain shops. The houses of the Yellow Scarves were attacked, and even their family members were targeted .It was one thing fighting each other, it was another making it so damn personal. Things were getting out of hand. But Masaomi just grinned. He was excited, playing fire with fire. Aoba was that kid's name right? Maybe he could attack one of his friends after school? He wondered what should his next battle phase was going to be , but then he stopped. And gaped.<p>

Aoba was sitting next to Mikado on a bench, eating lunch animatedly. Mikado laughed lightly and bit into his sandwich. They looked like such good friends.

" Sempai, open wide!" Aoba raised his chopsticks and placed them near Mikado's lips.

Then Masaomi stopped thinking.

'This kid was only getting near Mikado because he wants to use him against me!' was what Masaomi thought. If only he knew that really wasn't the reason.

You see, Aoba used to be a nobody. A boy that hid his true self underneath an innocent exterior, he lived behind his sugar coated words, he lived for himself. At home , he was often abused by his elder brother, but when he entered middle school it started to get a lot worse. His brother also chose to pick on him at school, away from their parent's supervision. Needless to say Aoba dreaded his whole entire life. His self esteem was in the pits and when he had tried to tell his parents the only advice they gave him was ' Breath in and breath out.'

They just didn't realize the extremity of the situation he thought. If they knew how many times his elder brother would make him bleed, would make him cry, would make him feel like he was the most pathetic being on earth maybe they would do something about it.

Or maybe they just didn't care.

The first time, Aoba met Mikado was when he was sitting in a classroom by himself. Looking at the bruises on his arms and looking at the rain. It was his favorite type of weather and it reminded him of how beautiful some things could be. He was touching his arm lightly when a hanker chief was brought into his eyes.

" ..Are you alright?"

Aoba had never seen this meek boy before.

" Yes." he lied.

A moment of silence filled the two and Mikado began to speak.

" I can hear your brother beating you up in the restrooms..."

Aoba tightened his eyes.

" And sometimes I can hear you cry..."

This guy was here to make fun of me, heh.

" It makes me feel very sad."

Wait, what?

The elder boy began to wrap his handkerchief on the younger boy's hand . He tightened it and wrapped it just like Shiki had taught him.

" I..I'm not telling you what to do or anything..but..if he's hurting you I think you should talk it out. You should respond to his aggression with the best thing you can think of. He has no right to treat you like this."

"Why?"

The two boys stared at each other.

" Because...I am your upperclassman. And I am supposed to look after you."

Aoba ,from the bottom of his heart was thankful to his wonderful upperclassman. It was all thanks to his encouragement that he decided to set his brother's room on fire. Oh, the irony.

After that his brother was sent to rehabilitation, it just so happened that Aoba carefully made it seem that his brother was the one to set his own room on fire.

((I don't know what came over him father, mother.))

(( He even threatened to commit suicide!))

Now, Aoba had the whole house to himself, and seeing as his elder brother was the leader of his own gang, he thought of taking it as his own. This would be sure to piss Izumi off, the look on his face would be so delicious.

That was how he became a feared person throughout that small town. That was how he fell in love with a naive but kind upperclassman.

Mikado didn't know he had the protection of the Yellow Scarves and the Blue Squares. He didn't know that between the members he was an object worth protecting. Mikado thought the bullying had stopped since he had become an upperclassman because he was respected , but he was wrong. Very wrong.

Kasuka didn't fail to notice, and neither did Anri, but they both knew Mikado knew better than that and tried his best not to think so negatively. But it was impossible because how would anyone take it, if the reason you aren't treated badly was because everyone was too afraid to approach you? That you didn't have the power to help yourself because you were too weak, and the latter protected you because they were too strong.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Masaomi."<p>

Aoba was in front of the school with his hands in his jacket. It was 5pm , after school. Clubs were canceled because of the stormy weather. What a shame. Behind the feminine boy was his lackeys hovering above him with grins on their faces.

" What's up Aoba?" If this brat was using his first name, then he was too damn it.

Masaomi had his followers as well, both of the groups were drenched to the bone but none of them seemed to mind. It will all end anyways.

"I called you here today because I want a battle. I want a battle over my existence. Whoever of us wins gets to continue being here as a gang, but the loser has to split up for good. Their turf will become your turf. No weapons allowed. Deal?"

Masaomi looked at the shorter boy with cold eyes.

"Deal."

Fists were clenched, battle cries were heard, pipes were thrown away. It was a battle that raged on for more than two hours with none of the groups ready to give up. There were two young boys in the middle, no one coming near their leaders as the two fought each other unmercifully , kicking, biting and spitting. The fight looked so desperate, this wasn't a battle of men, it was a battle of children.

" Masaomi-kun? Aoba-kun?"

Mikado was underneath an umbrella as he looked toward them in shock. The two boys were stunned looking up at their friend with bruises and cuts.

"Mika...do?"

" S-sempai..."

They had never seen him so angry.

" What are you guys doing?Are you stupid!"

Masaomi regained his composure and glared. He had never seen that cold expression on Mikado's face and decided that it didn't suit him. I caused that look in his face...

" Get outta here Mikado, you're gonna get hurt. We're having a battle."

"What are you two even fighting for?"

This should have been an easy question, but before Masaomi could answer him Aoba said-

" I don't know."

Then Masaomi realized that Aoba and him were much alike because both of them were lost, and desperate, and vacant. Then Masaomi realized that that just pissed him off even more.

Before he could voice his opinion a metal bat was raised to the side of his skull.

Blood was pouring out of Masaomi's head as he clenched it tight. He screamed .

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. His hands frantically searching for his metal pipe or a rock or anything- anything. Let me find anything! I don't want to die. I don't want to die. Fuck, did that asshole Aoba brought in an ambush or something? I should have known he would have lied! That fucker!

Masaomi tried to see past the blood on his eyelashes and squinted. The attackers didn't have on yellow, nor did they have on blue. In fact they didn't have any color at all, Aoba was trembling, which meant that he didn't know about these guys either...but who could they be?

" We're the Green Jets, and both of your gangs are going to be extinct by the end of this day."

Soon the Blue Squares were split, some outside the area, some scattered. Aoba took this as an opportunity to run, he had forgotten all about his Sempai and the beat in his heart was the only thing he could hear. The Green Jets didn't even launch a warning as they beat anyone near them into a bloody pulp. Even Mikado was dragged into it.

Mikado held his head between his hands, and curled himself into a little ball. Hoping that the blows would cause less damage, it really didn't help in the least.

What would happen next would haunt me all the way through my teen years. I was just a kid, a silly stupid brat. I was too scared to move as the rain engulfed me, the pavement, the whole city. I wished that the rain would turn into hail and cause destruction and pain to the whole town. But why did I wish that? Why was I so angry? And a loser? And a coward?

The group of guys that beat the crap out of Mikado soon grew tired of it, and decided to humiliate him in the worst way possible. Masaomi's head was on Mikado's lap and he could clearly see when they started to masturbate in front of them. He turned away looking at anywhere but Mikado's face, looking up at the sky because he was lost and scared.

"On the count of three,ok?"

The leader spoke as he beat his shaft in fast tempo.

" Hey, Shogun. Look at what we're gonna do to your friend. Aren't you going to get up and stop us? Or are you in pain?"

Masaomi didn't answer.

"You're a coward."

Masaomi agreed.

"At the same time alright?"

"1, 2-3!"

What Masomi always remembered was how calm Mikado looked, yet at the same pained. He was always a little emotionally absent . With schizophrenics they called it flat effect. So when Masaomi saw his friends face covered in semen he thought that he felt worse about it than Mikado did. But that's what he thought, that wasn't the truth.

A sudden rage consumed him, he felt angry at Mikado for not fighting back, he felt angry at Mikado because he arrived here in secret. He felt angry at himself for not fighting back when his friend was beat up and humiliated. He felt angry for the assholes that came and did this, but what he felt really angry about was how he still wanted to run away.

His thoughts came onto a halt as the gang of guys surrounding them dropped down on the floor blood gushing from their heads.

Aoba stood out of breath in front of the school gates , his lackeys running along with him helping the yellow gang members up. They had come to help.

" I'm not here to help you Kida-sempai. I'm here to help Ryuugamine-sempai. I owe him one for saving me."

Aoba's clothes were torn, and his face was bruised and bleeding. Masaomi wondered if the other gang attacked the Blue Squares too, he guessed they fought them off. Mikado stood up, and amidst the fighting he ran through the crowd running, and never turning back.

"Mikado!" Masaomi shrieked. In pain, he grabbed his side and ran feebly toward Mikado.

"Hey, guys! Where are you going! Guys! Ryuugamine-sempai!SEMPAI!" Aoba screamed after them, his yells turning into echos as Masaomi became further and further away from the school.

The two boys ran past the old shop owned by Mr. Simon , who they visited less and less, they passed by Mikado's old house who now had weeds growing in front of it, they passed the fork in the road that they never walked on anymore, they passed by the pond where that women had supposedly drowned herself , and at that pond where Mikado had said his first words. Keep hope alive? What hope!What was all that bullshit about. Hope doesn't exist! There's no way Masaomi could ever have a place to belong, there was no way the dread of knowing his best friend had a high chance of dying before the age of thirty would just go away by just having 'hope'. Masaomi only stopped when he saw the gate of the cemetery . Steel cold bars.

Why am I here?

He walked along the aisles of graves all aligned, he read each of the names impaled through the tombstones. It sunk through him that they were dead and he was alive. He thought that he should value what he had, that he shouldn't be stupid anymore and pick fights for no reason. No one was against him, no one hated him. The only person that caused problems and that hated him was himself.

The only reason he felt out of place was because he chose it to be.

He found Mikado in front of his mother's tombstone kneeling in front of it, looking at it as the rain fell on him.

" Mother... I'm tired. I know that the last time I visited you was last week, I hope you'll forgive me for coming so frequently. I never have anything important to say in my visits...well ,it's not that...it's not that at all...you know, you never did say good bye. I never...I never thought you'd leave me alone."

The rain hit his face, and his clothes were drenched to the bone. It showed Masaomi how frail, and small Mikado was, and how skinny he was. Why hadn't Masaomi ever noticed how sick his friend looked?

" I don't want to die," Mikado whispered. " I don't want to die, I'm only fourteen."

He gripped the dirt beneath him, and clenched it tightly.

After a while he stood up.

"Let's go Masaomi."

Masaomi was seated near a rock,and clenching his broken arm. Blood was pouring down his face and started to breath heavily. His eyes were dilated.

"Where?"

Then Mikado smiled so purely, like if he wasn't bruised and bleeding, like he wasn't just assaulted and humiliated. Like he just didn't show that he was still hurting inside because of his mother's death and his stupid illness.

Masaomi thought that it seemed as though there was no one in the world so sad. Mikado was that small piece of melancholic hope that dared you not to cry.

"Home."

The clouds seemed to disperse, leaving only a shining sun, a fresh clean earth, and a big,heavy weight on both of the teens shoulders. Their problems didn't go away but it didn't seem so bad anymore. Leaning on each other, they walked ,limping to the front of the grave yard.

When they walked toward the graveyard entrance they saw a figure .It's weight on the gate. On closer inspection they found Kasuka there ,leaning his frame on the bars. He looked at them and smiled standing underneath an umbrella protecting him from the rain. There was another unopened umbrella beside him.

" Welcome back." He said, as he opened the other umbrella.

* * *

><p>Thank you.<p> 


	6. Knows

When the group had arrived at the beach it was nearing nightfall, the sky was divided into three shades of colors all with mixed opacity. There wasn't any wind but it was cool and for the most part quiet. Many of the visitors had started to pack up allowing the nocturnal crowd to start setting up their own atmosphere. Masaomi parked near Kasuka, even though he had insisted to park near the front ((It's closer to the beach! I don't wanna walk all of that Kasuka!))((Stop being lazy.)) Kasuka prevailed in parking underneath a palm tree. Why did he park under that certain tree? He had liked the color.

Soon the two cars were being unloaded, and out of Kasuka's car emerged a women with short black hair. Izaya looked at her for a while, and thought she might be the elder Heiwajima's lover of some sort. The mischievous boy ignored his stomach ache and grabbed the remaining coolers out of the trunk whilst his sisters carried the much lighter things, like clothes and blankets.

"Yo, Mikado! Grab the other side of the grill!" Masaomi had one side of the machine in a tight grip, and as soon as Mikado ran to grab the other side he panicked. " Mikado! Watch it! It's gonna fall!"

It would have fallen too if Shizuo hadn't been there to catch it. He carelessly had it in his hands, as if he were carrying a handful of groceries instead of a two ton grill.

" Thank you Shizuo-kun!" Mikado smiled brightly at the younger boy, and it earned him a flushed face.

" N-no problem."

" Hey, kid. Are you getting a sun burn or something? Your really red.." Masaomi seemed concerned , but instead huffed at the younger boy's reaction( he glared and turned away).

" Mikado, you always attract the strange ones."

Mikado laughed.

" Masaomi, you're the last person who should even say that. You're far from normal!"

Behind Mikado's shoulder Aoba appeared, he rested on the elder man's back and smirked.

" He's not even in the same chart as 'normal' he's a space alien or something."

" I know you aren't talking with your retarded looking eyebrows. It looks like your always mad or something."

Aoba placed his hands on his hips. He snarled as he eyed Masaomi's white hoodie.

" Haven't I always told you that white is definitely not your color?" And with that, he placed an arm over Mikado's shoulder. "Sempai, let's go. Let's set up the food. We have so much catching up to do! I have to tell you about my job!"

The two set up the table, adjusting the handles on both sides. When finished everyone helped unpack the food and setting it on the table. Shizuo and Masaomi both carried the more heavier things such as the poles, the wood, and the grill. It's no surprise when neither Izaya, Kuriri, or Mairu showed up to help. Aoba rolled his eyes in exasperation, you could tell the three were related. He remembered the twins always mysteriously disappearing when class duties had to be done. The only ones in the room cleaning would be him and his Sempai ( who insisted on helping him even though they were in separate classroom and grades.)

" Ah, you guys are done? Aww, I wish I could have helped." The two Orihara sisters emerged from the public changing rooms to reveal their swimsuits, it silhouetted their bodies well and earned them some stares from passerby.

Masaomi cat called.

" You girls can sit riiiiighhhhtt next to me." The blond pushed Mikado off the seat he was in to prove his point. Mikado glared, alongside an ecstatic Aoba proclaiming vengeance on his sempai's dishonor.

Anri laughed and began to fiddle through her bag looking for her own bathing suit when a shadow appeared. She looked upwards to find that dark haired boy, Izaya was it?

" Hello, may I help you?"

Izaya grinned.

" Hello, I am Izaya Orihara. It's a pleasure to meet you. I thought it was a little rude of me to not greet my elders, so I'm doing it before it's even later."

" There is no problem Orihara-san, I hope you enjoy the night ." She returned back to straighten out her bag, but the boy stood his ground.

"I heard Mikado-kun called you Anri-chan, so Anri-chan. How do you know my teachers? "

" We were friends since childhood." She responded curtly and to the point, Izaya didn't know why she was so irritated when he was around her. He thought on whether they met somewhere before, a thousand thoughts ran through his head in a millisecond. Then he froze, his face was expressionless, then he smirked.

" What's your profession?"

" I'm a doctor."

The tip of his blade was daring to come out of his opened hoodie, it exposed his chest and gave a good view of his swimsuit. He thought it over but decided it was a coincidence, this women wouldn't be connected to Shiki could she? He decided to lay low for a while, he looked at Mikado, then at the sky. Just being around the other made his life so interesting.

" Oi, what the fuck!" A post sign was thrown in his direction, missing by a couple of inches. " What in the world are you wearing you stupid flea?"

Shizuo was in some swimming trunks looking quit indignant, crossed arms and all.

" I'm wearing a swimsuit." Izaya cooed.

" That shit is indecent! Who the hell wears a speedo!"

" Only the beautiful and the young Shizuo, which you on the other hand are not."

" You wanna say that again dickless!"

Before the fight could get anymore heated Kasuka stood in between them with a camera, an emotionless expression on his face.

" Be quiet ," he said. "Something great will happen, and I want to take pictures without interruption."

Shizuo remained still for his brother, and Izaya listened to his request out of interest. What was so important? The camera looked to be quite pricey .

Out of the public changing rooms arrived Anri, her Bikini was quite revealing, and she did have a huge rack Izaya mused, he turned away when he got bored after sometime but decided to turn back when he saw Shizuo collapsing on the floor and an Aoba dying from blood loss.

Mikado walked behind Anri wearing a white collared shirt. Only two buttons were in use, covering his midsection. The elder wore a modest swimsuit, the kind athletes wore on their swims ( it looked like those tight spandex boxers) . Izaya stared for a while before slowly , and carefully placing a hand on his cellphone inside his jacket.

" Mikado-kun! look over there! What's that behind you?"

" Eh?"

Snap.

He now had a new wallpaper.

"Mikado-chan," Kasuka droned. " Look over here. I want to take you and Anri a picture. Now you can have something new to put in those tacky frames you like so much."

Mikado pouted. " They aren't tacky!"

" Keep telling yourself that!" Masaomi yelled across from the grill.

Everyone laughed.

* * *

><p>Shizuo was nervous.<p>

He kept looking at the people around him, they were laughing, eating and joking with one another. At one point he tried to imitate them but he decided not to . He was lost in this whole friendship thing. He had no idea what he should do in this situation. His elder brother sat next to him, adding batteries to his camera.

" Shizuo, it's alright." Kasuka adjusted the lens of his camera. " You're doing just fine."

" Am I? " He looked toward the flea and noticed him having deep conversations with people around the beach. Particularly to a small group of girls who giggled at whatever smart remark came off his lips.

Why was it so easy to him? It pissed Shizuo off, a part of himself wanted to be like him in some sort of strange way. But when he thought about it he realized he didn't want to be anything like him. None at all! Because he had realized the difference between how Mikado talked to others, and the way Izaya talked to others. One was genuine and one was fabricated.

Sometimes those can interlope ,right?

" Shizuo Kun," before him stood the man that had tore him out his shell, offering him a plate of meat with a couple of vegetables. " I made you a plate. Eat up!"

When Mikado handed one to Izaya he politely declined. Shizuo thought for a while that he had never seen the flea eat, not that he cared. It was just a bit unsettling.

An exasperated groan filled the air.

Masaomi had his hands clenched to his hair, like he was trying to solve a math problem that had left eraser marks on his paper. He kicked some sand.

"How can we be at a bonfire without no fire? "

Aoba sighed and placed a finger to his head.

" Masaomi, you cave man. You should try to take some responsibility, you lost the matches anyway."

" Someone give me a stick and a rock, I can finish this in no time at all!"

Everyone looked at Masaomi for a short while before Kasuka broke the silence. What a surprise.

" Are you stupid?"

Izaya began to laugh loudly and threw a lighter to Masaomi's face. " I brought one just in case anyone forgot."

Anri started to cut her meat delicately with her fork, as if the animal that it came from was still alive. " Let's hope that was the only reason."

* * *

><p>Izaya slowly draws his gaze away from the burning fire, walking toward the edge of the beach where the rocks and the starfish meet. He crouched down and began pocking at the seaweed, picking it up and dropping it, picking it up and dropping it. The sea ,it's home, will forever be out of it's reach. He chuckled and threw it carelessly aside, the same way he threw his mother's favorite tea set on the floor or the way he sat on his father's favorite pair of slippers.<p>

He didn't care.

"You haven't eaten anything Orihara."

Aoba's hair looked darker when the sun was setting, it was some sort of dark blue. Even thought the statement was directed at him , the other mans eyes weren't looking at him, they were looking at Mikado. Always.

"I didn't know you were so worried about me Aoba-kun."

Not even a quick glance.

"I'm not, but Sempai is."

Malice.

"You like him don't you? Pretty funny, since he doesn't even notice your pathetic intentions."

"That's not any of your business."

Ah! A reaction. Attention!

"-and you didn't deny it. Afraid of rejection? Afraid that he doesn't swing that way?"

"I'm not denying anything, unlike you.."

Step back.

"By which you mean.."

"You have an eating disorder. I can tell."

Silence.

For once, Izaya didn't speak. He just stood there smirking, except it really wasn't that. It had lacked sarcasm and it lacked soul. Aoba stood there, a remnant of the blue squares, the leader peeking through.

" Once in middle school, I used to starve myself , and sometimes I ate a lot so I could purge afterwords. I was going through some problems with my brother, and the only way I felt happy was if I was throwing up. I wouldn't think about anything when I was hunched over the toilet...after a while I stopped. That was when I met Sempai. I was in a classroom, crying over something when he tried to console me, understand me. I didn't know why I stopped, I guess, that was the first time anyone bothered to listen to me. Unlike my parents who never even tried to understand the situation I was in..."

Izaya continued to stare at him, except he was frowning.

" After that I started to behave like a normal kid my age having fun with friends..until one day...I became careless. Things happened and I killed someone. That sparked my disorder again, but I overcame it. Look," Aoba let out a heavy breath through his nose. " I really don't care about you or your stupid problems, what I do care about is what you put my sempai through. He's worried about you."

True to his word, they saw Mikado glancing back at them quickly as not to cause suspicion by the others.

"Stop giving him problems."

The boy doesn't move, he doesn't even acknowledge that Aoba spoke. Then he turns, a fierce defiant look.

" What if I don't want to?"

* * *

><p>"Is..something bothering you, Shizuo-kun?"<p>

"No, " Shizuo had his hands in his pockets and kicked the seashells around. He was getting a bit irritated at Masaomi's stupid singing, so he decided to walk around the beach. He wouldn't want to ruin everyone's fun. Besides, he liked doing his own thing much better. Alone.

He turned to the shorter man, who had decided to sit on the soft sand.

Mikado stared at him for a moment , carrying a small cup in his hands.

"Would you care to join me?"

An invitation. He sat.

" I..this is... the first time I was ever invited to a night out..with others. In fact, this is my first at everything. I never went out to a bonfire."

"I take it you are not the type of person to like going out,is that it?"

The blond began to let the sand slip through his fingers. Why was talking to others so hard?

"I..wouldn't know. I don't have any friends. So I wouldn't know if I did like it."

"Eh?" A tilt of a head. " But I'm your friend..."

"Mikado, am I..doing anything wrong?" The boy turned around to face the other man. "Is this how I 'm supposed to act like with friends? Is this how I am supposed to act like around others?"

"I can't answer you Shizuo-kun because I don't think anyone has the answer for that...but.." The waves began to recede back and forth bringing up the seaweed a little bit closer to shore.

"I like you just the way you are Shizuo-kun. Just be yourself, that's enough isn't it? You don't have to please everyone... that won't get you no where."

Shizuo noticed the atmosphere was a but tense, and he wondered how did he know that? He remembered a time when he knew that his mother would break her leg in the garden. He always had some sort of 'intuition' as his mother called it for danger. The warnings were going off at this very moment.

Mikado began to stir the sweet ice inside his plastic cup.

"Whenever I talk to people my heart trembles with fear and wonder, I'm scared of others because I don't want to hurt them, and I don't want them to hurt me. And the wonder feeling is for the most part because, somewhere, inside me, I really do want to talk to them. That there is hope in me, that they can be a person I can laugh with, someone I can stay with for most of my life..." The stirring stopped and he began to fidget nervously.

" Eh, what I mean is -uh, I'm very sorry for making you hear these sorts of things! A-and.. that maybe. Is that how you feel too? "

Shizuo smiled, a small smile. He pointed toward his chin.

" You have something here."

Both of them began to laugh , their troubles soon forgotten as they looked at the ocean. The moon was so beautiful, the only light that doesn't burn.

"I know!" Mikado began. "Let's play a game of some sort. You can ask me any question and we take turns. Sort of like truth or dare...except without no danger..." He added this to reassure himself.

Shizuo nodded and thought,' I've never played that game before , I'll guess I'll just wing it...'

" What sort of questions?"

"Any question you can think of, it can be something really personal to what I had for dinner yesterday! But the catch is ,that you have to be truthful and like I will be answering your questions, you can't back away from mine. "

Mikado knew that if you bottle in things for so long it leaves you exhausted. Perhaps after this Shizuo can learn how to communicate with others properly not being weighed down by is own troubles.

"What will happen if I don't answer you question?"

"Ahhh, " Mikado twisted his face and placed a finger to his forehead. "I guess there will be a punishment."

Shizuo smiled shyly and grunted as a sign of approval to start the game.

Mikado grabbed a rock and handed one to the younger.

"I guess w-we'll choose by how far we throw the rock, sound good?"

Both of them stood, raised their arms and hurled the rock to the ocean. Shizuo's went far and wide while Mikado's sunk like the titanic. He sighed in defeat.

"Ah, Shizuo-kun you go first! Ask me any question!"

Shizuo seemed to be in deep thought, after all since he never had any friends he didn't know what should he ask. He was serious because to him, he always read that friendship was serious, in those grim tales that he collected and reread so much. After some time, he looked pained, but just for a moment and looked up at the dark haired man again.

" What is the one thing you regret in your life?"

The question was bold, the question was painful, and the question cut like a knife.

Mikado stared at the ocean, how the waves were receding back and forth, the shells looking like little petals, but when Shizuo kept staring at him, he realized he wasn't looking at the ocean, he was staring at something beyond that.

He thought that, even with Mikado standing right next to him, he felt like they were millions of miles away.

" The day I stepped foot in this one house," Mikado's voice was flat, and cold. " was what I regret ...the most."

The young boy knew that what ever he had just said pained him, a part of him scolded himself, who was he to pry in the life of others? A part of him was glad, someone besides his family was opening up to him. And maybe, he can open up too?

Mikado seemed to recover quickly , back to that weary, but calm face he always had.

" My turn! I'll ask you the same. What do you regret the most?"

Shizuo tensed.

This could heal you, you fucking 'dumbass. Don't fuck this up! Why are you hesitating?

What are you afraid to lose?

Are you happy being alive?

" I regret the day I killed someone."

Normally, after the question was answered one asked another , but instead Shizuo started to talk. Mikado just looked at Shizuo, neither analyzing nor judging, just there.

" Since I was a kid, I was always alone. I think, I'm sorta glad my old man's dead. Cause he didn't live to be ashamed of me."

How can someone so kind, thought Mikado, think like this about themselves? Mikado didn't answer his question because he already knew the answer.

" I'm a monster. " Shizuo took his hands out of his pockets, and Mikado could see, could feel the pain as the young boy's hands shook mercilessly. He knew that this boy was going to have a mental breakdown. It was going to happen now, but after this, hopefully, so could his recovery.

For a rebuild to take place there needs to be deconstruction.

"I mean, all I can do is hurt others. It's all cause of my anger , my anger controls me. I think my mother and my brother Kasuka are the only ones that actually give a damn about me...and I can't even make them happy at all. I can only break things..."

" My mother decided to put me on meds for my anger since I was seven and not only didn't they work, it only made me more pissed off. There was no way in hell I would let those fucking pills calm me down, if I want anything to calm me down it should be me I thought! Kasuka, he..I know he gave up a lot because of me. The only thing I remember when I was a kindergarten was that he was always playing with me, he didn't even complain about it once. I think that I always end up hurting the ones I love, the ones I care about, like, like, her."

He paused.

"She was just a sweet lady, she just barely opened up a shop with her sister near the house where I used to live. It was a small bakery that sold lots of sweet bread and cakes... I can still remember their taste. Whenever I was pissed off I would always go and try her pastries. After a while I told myself they made me calm because of how good they tasted. But that wasn't it. When she gave them to me I can sense her kindness. What made her food taste so good wasn't the ingredients, it was her love ."

" She was just like you Ryuugamine-sensei."

He was talking to his instructor now.

" She was just like you Mikado-san."

Shizuo corrected himself, but as he did s,o he began to sniffle and his heart broke. A couple of minutes passed and the boy decided to speak up again.

" One day I was going there when I saw some guys roughing up her shop. When I saw them slap her, I lost it. I just couldn't take it, I didn't want to see that. So I beat the shit out of them. I don't remember anything else, but, when I am angry I can't think of anything else around me. It's like I'm on fire and I'm doing anything to be put out. And when you put the water on me I gasp and then I look around at what the hell I've done, and there's blood. There's blood in my hands and that's when I realized I accidentally killed the lady I was supposed to protect. When I was going berserk a shelf fell on her, it hit her head cracking her skull in the process... I think that I.." A pause. "No I don't think it..I know it. I know I will never forget how her insides looked like for as long as I live. "

It was quite for a while, the only thing you could hear was soft sobbing. Shizuo felt something soft on his face, it was a handkerchief.

Mikado began to wipe the boy's face gently.

" You and me are a lot alike." he says at last, and Shizuo looks at him. " I think your really brave Shizuo-kun , it's really brave to talk about this to someone, and I'm also glad you trust me enough."

Shizuo wiped his eyes .

"We're friends aren't we?"

Both of them smile at each other, because they think that for some reason their trials deserve to be laughed at. At that moment nothing hurt them.

Shizuo began to think out loud. " Why is it that people hold on to things that hurt them? If it hurts why not let go?"

Mikado's smile turns a little sad, or maybe more. Depending on how well you know the 'real' him it could be both. He pictured his mother, the semen on his face on that rainy night with Masaomi, and that house. That house as he clenched to that box of bread.

"I think that the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that don't change; when everybody else does."

* * *

><p>The moon was shining in all it's splendor, the bonfire at it's peak. As everyone started to relax near the fire, Aoba threw a seashell in Masaomi's direction. He tried to dodge it, but it landed on his chest with a heavy 'thump'.<p>

" Dammit, you little bitch!"

Aoba snickered as he laid his head on Mikado's lap.

" That's not fair Aoba, using Mikado as a shield."

Aoba yawned.

" All is fair in love and war. What happened to 'SpiderMasaomi?'"

Izaya laughed, giving the elders questioning looks. Kasuka began to speak before the question was even asked.

" When we were kids Masaomi would never use the front door, he would always arrive through the window sill. Hence his nick name ' SpiderMasaomi'. Once, when we visited Mikado-kun's house Masaomi was walking to open the window. When he opened the latch Mikado-kun's grandmother socked him in the face thinking it was a thief. She sent him flying."

Anri began to giggle along with the Orihara twins. Izaya grinned.

" Wow, why didn't you try being a P.E teacher?"

* * *

><p>The hours passed by quickly , it was time to leave. Shizuo was buckling up his seat beat feeling tired yet satisfied, the day had been wonderful minus that little nuisance. He was about to drift off to sleep when suddenly a light knock came to his window.<p>

It was Mikado.

" Mikado-kun?"

" Ne, Shizuo-kun, I was wondering if tomorrow, since it's Saturday... mind going out to a cake shop with me? We talked about it that one time I was over your house..if you're not busy..would you like to go with me?"

"O-of course!" Shizuo says quickly, and Mikado just smiles and laughs. Kasuka started up the car giving them a peace sign while Anri smiled and waved, her eyes meeting with Izaya's dark ones.

" Neeeee, Mikado -kun." Izaya chided gently. " I'm jealous! You have been giving Shizuo-chan so much attention lately! " He stomped his foot. " I'm going to cry if you don't take responsibility for it!"

Mikado laughed and played along.

" Ahh, I'm sorry Izaya-san." He enveloped his small arms around the boy. " I'll make it up to you some how."

Izaya grabbed on to him more, tighter, softer , needier and whispered " I hope you will."

* * *

><p>It was a Saturday and Shizuo was fidgeting and trembling since he had breakfast. He showered quickly, and he scrubbed so hard his skin was red<p>

he crumbled the soap bar in his hands, leaving it nothing more than small dust. He was nervous was all. Today was the day of Mikado and his da- , pardon me, 'hanging out'. He didn't know what to wear, and he really wasn't a fashionable sort of guy. When he thought the words 'fashionable' and 'guy' he automatically thought of his elder brother and sped to his room.

He knocked."Oi, Kasuka"

It was a front.

His elder brother hadn't woken up yet, and it was already 12:45, his brother looked at him quizzically and his eyes seemed lost.

"Hn?"

"I ..kinda wanted to borrow some of your cloths...I need help..in a outfit..or something.

The elder brother looked at his younger brother , so monotone, and yet so heartfelt.

"Are you going on a date?"

"What! NO! I'm...going..out with..a f-friend."

Kasuka smiled and opened the door to his room a little wider.

"Come in."

* * *

><p>When Shizuo was sitting in the living room he kept looking back at the clock in the kitchen. It was placed between the microwave and the refrigerator. Every two minutes he sighed , and since he felt he couldn't control himself to be in one spot for too long he began to pace around the room. His thoughts keeping him preoccupied ' What if this is too dressy? What if this looks completely wrong on me? On Kasuka they might have looked good but that's because he's Kasuka..'<p>

The doorbell rung, and immediately Shizuo went frigid. Was it Mikado? The sides of his mouth s tarted to go upwards. On second thought he should just call it off, -no! Shizuo was many things but a coward he wasn't. He would go through this no matter what!

He walked toward the door and tried his hardest to hide that goofy grin off his face.

" Wel-"

He felt three pairs of arms encircle his legs with an iron grip.

He blinked and saw his small relatives , Tsukishima, Delic, and Tsugaru . They were Shizuo's cousins from his father's side all of them inheriting their natural blond hair to their own father who was a foreigner. And just like that his smile turned into a light frown, he lowered his head and grunted.

That was his sort of greeting.

He dis-latched them from his legs ushering them inside to the living room. He began serving them hot milk as refreshments. What were they doing here anyways?

" Oi, What are you guys doing here? Where is your mom?"

Tsugaru, the most responsible and eldest of the three answered.

" She was called in suddenly to work.. she told us to go with Auntie today..is that a problem?" The boy adjusted his blue coat leaving it on the sofa near him.

Shizuo frowned. His mother had just left for shopping with Kasuka and he knew how long would it take for them to finish. Last time he went along with them on their shopping sprees he had sores on his feet for a week.

He had no choice. He had to take the children out with him, he couldn't just leave them alone. But could he really take the children on his dat- day out ? Mikado didn't seem the type to mind...

" Oi!" Delic , the middle child who was wearing a hot pink long sleeve sounded irritated. " We're waiting!"

" Don't be such a brat Delic. I was thinking of going out today."

Knowing this piece of information the youngest, Tsukishima drowned himself in his red scarf, his glasses pressing on the red fabric.

" I'm sorry.."

"O-oi, you don't gotta apologize. Besides your mother was at fault! She should have called!" Shizuo growled and rubbed his head. " Or something..."

At that second, the doorbell just had to ring didn't it?

" Coming!" Shizuo knew it had to Mikado.

Indeed it was.

To Shizuo, he never knew Mikado to be fashionable. But then he thought, of course he had to be he was a friend to his brother after all. Maybe he took lessons from him after all. Light blue really did look good on Mikado, and the white also made such a nice combination. What was that shade of blue again? Periwinkle? Or was it cornflower?

" Hello, Shizuo-kun!," Mikado's blue eyes were grinning. " Ready for our date?"

Shizuo turned to a hundred different shades of red with dashes of pink all in a complete second , steam was coming from his ears. He was beyond speechless.

He really was so easy to rile up.

" I was just teasing! Are you ready to leave yet , Shizuo-kun?" The elder man fanned the air in good humor only stopping when he noticed three small pairs of eyes staring at him from the hall. " Oh, my."

Shizuo walked alongside Mikado to the living room, introducing him to his cousins.

" This is my teacher and friend. Ryuugamine Mikado," He had actually remembered his name, he thought excitedly. " We're gonna go out with him today...don't be rude you hear! If I see you giving him a hard time I'll pound you!"

Tsugaru seemed unimpressed ( Mrs. Heiwajima always did say he resembled Kasuka)) and bowed deeply.

" My name is Tsugaru and I'm the eldest out of my brothers. It's very nice to meet you."

Mikado bowed deeply as well, and seemed to have a tint of blush on his cheeks.

"It's very nice to meet you too Tsugaru-san! Ah, you're Yukata is so..cute. "

Tsuguru smiled and before he could introduce his youngest brother the middle one stood up instead. He positioned himself haughtily, with a huge grin. His hand on his waist.

" My name is Delic! And I have ten girlfriends!" He held out both of his hands, showing off just how many girlfriends he had just in case anyone wanted see.

Shizuo groaned. He really should talk to his Aunt to do something about the middle child. He was turning out to be such a playboy.

" Delic, stop lying stupid!" The blonde teen lightly swatted the back of the middle child's head.

"Ow! I'm not lying you big oaf! You're just jealous because you never kissed anybody! Who'd wanna kiss you with your ugly face!Ogre!"

"N-now, Now. Uhm, it's very nice to meet you Delic-san." Mikado didn't want anyone to start fighting, much less Shizuo loosing his temper so early in the morning.

" What is it with this 'san' stuff? Aren't you bigger than us? Aren't you supposed to call us 'chan' or 'kun'? I dislike it when people are so timid!" Delic crossed his arms.

" DELIC! SHUT THE-"

" Ah, of course! I'm sorry! Delic-kun it is! I hope me and you can become good friends.."

Emerging from his elder brother's back, the youngest came out of hiding. He was a bespectacled boy who wore a red scarf. He looked up at the man, timidly.

"M-my name is T-Tsukishima..." He was playing with the hems of his sweater.

Mikado smiled a knowing smile and bent down to his knees. He bowed when he did so.

" Hello Tsukishima-kun , It's a pleasure to meet you."

Tsukishima blushed and nodded slowly, not sure of what to do or say.

* * *

><p>When the house was locked and the gate chained the group headed off to their destination. Their prior plan was to just go to the cake shop near the edge of town, but Mikado had suggested they should do something more fun since the children where with them. After a while Shizuo mentioned the arcade he saw when visiting the place a while back. It was a unanimous decision and they walked to the subway station with excitement.<p>

Delic kept walking ahead of them causing light mischief and often playing games of 'not stepping on the cracks' while Tsugaru and Tsukishima held on to Mikado's hands. They became attached to him in such a short time that even Shizuo became a little jealous. Not on Mikado, but on his cousins. He crossed his arms and glared at their tiny mop of blonde hair. Oh well, he thought. He'd be lying if he said he didn't like their company.

Shizuo was nervous, he had never went to the arcade before , since he never had any friends to play with. He became frightened that he would look like a fool in front of his Belle. His hands started to shake and before he could put them in his pockets a small hand found a way on his.

It was Tsukishima's and he looked a little worried.

" Oi when are we gonna get there?" Delic was swaying his feet back and fort on the train seat. Tsugaru sat next to him, calm and looking at the scenery.

" I think in about ten minutes.. why? Do you need to go use the restroom?" Mikado asked from his own seat. He had Tsukishima in his lap, who was taking a small nap.

" Nah, I peed at home."

Shizuo glared. " Quit being so fucking gross."

" Quit being so stupid."

Shizuo's glared intensified and it took all his strength to not knock that boy out the window. He gripped the handles on his seat and bended them .

" Tsugaru!" Shizuo commanded. " Punch Delic in the stomach for me!"

"OW!"

Mikado laughed. " All of you remind me when I was in school. Masaomi-kun and Aoba-kun would always create some sort of trouble everywhere they went ."

Shizuo sighed. " I...I'm sorry this happened."

" No. Don't be! I love talking to children, I used to teach elementary for a while."

Shizuo pictured Mikado's elementary school students all busy being taught by him, given snacks, and taking nap times with him. Oh boy, he thought. I bet he was never left alone.

He pictures the man smiling gently , standing in between his students, but then he realized he wasn't imagining a scenario, he was seeing a memory. Now that he had time to think about it properly Shizuo noticed Mikado was always around people. He always saw him surrounded by some student, staff or faculty member. Mikado was a people person, and his common every day appearance gave him the impression he was easy to talk to. So harmless. Then Shizuo wonders why a man like him would be here instead of somewhere that had a vast sky , the kind where you can see the stars instead of airplanes.

* * *

><p>The arcade was busy for a Saturday, the noises all jumbled up with children's laughter . The gang began to try all sorts of games , since Shizuo never went to an arcade Delic took it upon himself to teach him everything he knew.<p>

" OK, check this out Shizu-kun. Look," The young boy took a plastic hammer. " You need to hit the miles like this! And the more you hit the more points you'll get. Now you try."

Shizuo grabbed the hammer and as soon as he hit the poor machine it broke in two.

" A-ah, Shizuo -kun that game was so o-old, let's look for another one that is new." Mikado began pulling the elder boy away from the disaster as children all flocked to the machine snatching away the tickets and coins.

It was going to be an interesting day.

* * *

><p>"Tsukushima-kun are you ok in there?"<p>

Mikado's voice was laced with concern as he was standing in front of the male's restroom. His back on a stall. There was a flush.

" Ok, let's wash our hands now." The pair washed their hands together, lathering up their hands in suddenly as they were both drying their hands the younger grabbed a hold of him.

" Tsukishima-kun , what happened?"

" Shizuo-kun ..." The boy began , " Is a nice person."

Mikado smiled.

" He is."

* * *

><p>It was mid afternoon when the whole group decided that enough was enough and they had gotten a bit hungry. So of course, when asked what the blondes wanted to eat they all simultaneously answered at the same time.<p>

"Hamburgers." The Heiwajima's deadpanned.

It was a nice family restaurant, with nice furniture and spacy room.

" Hey y'know what? This sort of looks like we're a family. " He points to Shizuo. " You're the fat daddy, Mikado-kun is the pretty mommy, Tsugaru is the mean big brother, and Tsukishima is the crybaby younger sister."

Shizuo took his tongue out and threw a fry at the boy. " Oh yeah, and what are you retard?"

" The perverted uncle."

Tsukishima smiles and tugs at Mikado's sleeve.  
>"What is is Tsu-kun?" He smiles at the boy so tenderly, it was as if he really was his mother.<p>

" I want to go play, " He said in a quite but audible voice. The boys all joined in and stood up from their chairs running to the back of the room where the family games were stationed at.

" No running!" Shizuo yelled , causing everyone in their close proximity to flinch. He sighed and stared at the man across from him.

" I'm sorry their a handful."

" No, it's fine! I'm glad their so energetic and healthy!"

" You don't need to worry about them. They're too energetic if you ask me. That reminds me, why are you only eating that?"

" This?"

" Yeah, that."

It was a salad with a cup of ice tea.

" Is there something wrong with it?" Mikado began to inspect his food just in case. He was cut off by a hand in the air.

" No, not at all. I'm just..I never met someone that would eat a burger rather than a salad.. and you can't be on a diet."

" It's for my health, the doctor said I'm not allowed to eat so much meat."

Shizuo sits straighter. " You're sick? Since when?"

" I've always been like this Shizuo-kun," he says gently. " Please don't concern yourself over me. "

Shizuo's eyes narrowed a good degree, because the person in front of him looked exactly like his own mother's reaction, the reaction when she saw her husband on his deathbed. He gives up that conversation and began another.

"Mikado..can you tell me about that day?"

"That day?"

It rewinds to the time they played that game by the ocean.

"That day you said you regretted..."

Mikado's smile remained on his face, his upbeat nature never fading. Although his eyes told something much darker, they looked like rotten apples. Shizuo wasn't sure why he thought that. He didn't know. He just did. The man raised the cup to his lips and said-

"I think the world of adults is horrible, don't you think?"

That cut the conversation flat because when Shizuo glanced at Mikado's eyes it said ' Don't you even, Don't you dare, Don't push me.'

That was when Shizuo learned that even the kindest of people can be cruel.

* * *

><p>The afternoons passed, as did the evenings and mornings. The 'Nows' and 'Laters' and the 'Tomorrows' turned into memories; they turned into photographs and laughter, they turned into 'Time wasted' or rather to some 'Time well spent'. It was now but almost a whole year .<p>

One night Masaomi was having tea in Mikado's apartment. Actually , only the latter was having tea.

" I'm sorry," Masaomi waved his hand around,like swatting a fly. " I never got the hang of tea, give me some soda instead."

Eyes narrowed.

" Soda is bad for you."

" So? Just because you don't drink it doesn't mean I can't."

Mikado shoves him a bottle of juice and Masaomi thinks he's nothing but a prude. So he says it.

" You're a prude."

" Yes, yes, and your a blond."

" You hung around Aoba too much on Friday, he's a terrible influence on you my friend."

Mikado looks at him, lips puckered.

" And you aren't?"

" Hey, I'm harmless , You know that right?" He has an amused undertone, that same tone he speaks with in private with his girlfriend. " Anyways, what you're doing is dangerous. Who would have thought you'd be trying to council two of Raira High's top whack jobs. What have you learned about them so far?"

Mikado was serious now, his lips flat. A hand on his chin.

" In a first glance Orihara-kun looks perfectly fine. But when you notice his pattern of behavior you notice that it seems all articulated. He's so off balance. As for Shizuo-kun, he's.. just a boy. That's all he is, a lonely self loathing child. Both of them are so alike yet so different."

" So they repel each other." Masaomi added.

" The reason why they repel each other is simple . Orihara-kun feels he is inferior to Shizuo-kun because he has that super strength of his. He doesn't view him as human, and is jealous because of that. That's why he distances himself around others, he rejects what makes him human because he doesn't-"

" He doesn't what?"

" He doesn't want to die." he answers stiffly, swallowing his other answer down which was ' Don't make me say it.'

" They sort of remind me of.." Mikado stared out the window. " ...you and Aoba."

The table in which they were seated under flew backwards, the tea on the floor, spilled, the flowers trampled. Masaomi was standing ,enraged.

" Don't compare me to that-that- Don't compare me to Aoba!"

It was as if the gentle man ignored him, picking up the shards of his tea seat . It was broken on the ground, beyond repair. But Masaomi knew him better, what he really was doing was forgiving him. He always was.

" Why can't you let me take care of you? Quit your job at school! I thought that when you came back from China you'd let me take care of you, but instead you buy an apartment , as if, as if you expect to live that damn long!"

"Shut up." Mikado says, coldly and so uncharacteristic of him.

" No you shut the fuck up and listen to me Mikado! I - I love you!"

"Masaomi you will never love me in that way. You're just forcing yourself to think so...You need to accept that since you are the type of person to run away from things. "

He picked the remaining shards and threw them in the trash bin.

"So I'm a coward? Jeez, thanks."

"And there is nothing wrong with that. You're alive aren't you? What's wrong with wanting to escape things that hurt you..to be a coward..takes a different type of courage."

" I'm having problem with Saki, " he breathes. " I want to leave her, she's suffocating me."

" But the town we used to live in suffocated you also right? Who is the one really bringing the trouble? "

Neglect.

" Mikado, Mikado, I'm serious. Get your lover to help you with this, or ask me! Your friends. Let us take care of you! You returned from China because you knew your health was fucking up. Don't try to lie! Anri is your personal doctor here in Japan, she told us yesterday when you and Kasuka's brother were off some where."

" I just want all of you to be happy." He said truthfully.

" And what about you? What about your happiness? "

" That's fine because-"

That was when Mikado began to have a coughing fit, and as his shoulders shook fiercely Masaomi held him, scared and he really seemed like he was fifteen again instead of twenty two. In all this time he hadn't grown up at all. What a waste.

But Mikado pushed him, as if to say ' I can deal with it on my own.' His arms felt weak, they trembled as he gripped the edge of the table for support. When he removed his hands away from his mouth , there was blood. Blood on his hands and on his arms. That's when he turned around to Masaomi and stares at something right above his head,( or maybe his floral wall paper that he prides himself in or that flower vase he just bought on sale at the corner store) and said

"Ever since I was born I have never felt happiness."

* * *

><p>Thank you.<p> 


	7. HALF1 What

This time Masaomi was forced to dream on an uncomfortable seat, back facing a glass window. If one were to peer through it one would see a frail, effeminate man; looking peaceful and quite pale. Mikado was hooked up to different types of machines, going 'beep', 'beep', beep' , and none the wiser.

* * *

><p>After the whole gang war that happened in their small town in Saitama things became much quieter, softer.<p>

Aoba , no longer the head of the Blue Squares disbanded his troupe the same day Masaomi did with the Yellow Scarves. No one knew what became of the Green Jets, but some say that they quietly died down as time passed by.

It was all a very childish thing to have anyways.

Kasuka knew though. He knew why Masaomi and Aoba had a change of heart. It was because of Mikado, they felt that they owed him something. And they probably did, Kasuka thought. He heard about what happened that afternoon , not by Aoba, not by Masaomi but by Mikado himself.

People that are close to Mikado often tell the boy their own share of troubles and stories, but when you try to ask him about his own life, well he doesn't budge at all. It's like your talking to a wall, always there, but sturdy and firm. If you asked Kasuka ,Mikado was just a very quite person was all. You need to keep still when he speaks—or you'll miss it. Trying to understand the blue eyed boy hurts ( like getting a whole table thrown at you by Shizuo), and in the long run it isn't worth much but your own satisfaction.

Kasuka's satisfaction went far and beyond just that. He was content.

* * *

><p>When Mikado awoke from his deep sleep he turned his head to look at the alarm clock.<p>

This would have happened if he were at his apartment at the moment. Instead, he awoke staring at immaculate walls , the kind that would even get dirty if you rubbed your fingers on them too hard. There was an I.V needle in his arm, a cannula placed at his nasal . He blinked two times, and the person seated next to his bed was a blond man that had an exhausted and concerned expression on his face.

The stern look on Masaomi's melts away into an affectionate one ( but it looked more like guilt). The sort of look that reminded Mikado of a child who ate their desert first and ended up skipping on his homework.

" Hey, Mikado. Good morning." He says quietly. " How are you feeling?"

Panic.

The dark haired man began to hyperventilate ,confusion in his eyes and countenance. He then started to thrash around , attempting to take off all those disturbances around his person.

" Mikado don't try to move!"

But Mikado didn't listen, he didn't like it here, nor did he like the feeling of the needle on his wrists. He felt hopeless- and that was something he hated to feel above everything. Masaomi restrained his friend , attempting to stop him from harming himself. They both wrestled for a couple of minutes , Mikado pushing him away every time he attempted to hold him.

" It's okay, Mikado. I'm here, Don't you remember me? I'm Masaomi. You're here in the city hospital because you were bleeding, remember? You fainted. Everything is going to be fine," He had now successfully calmed the shocked man down. He was now safe in his arms, clenched on his shoulders for dear life ,breathing slowly, as if it hurt to breath. And it did. " Shhh, Mikado. I'm here now, I'm here for you."

The room was still for a moment , the only thing that could be heard was heavy breathing across faint mechanical noise.

"I don't want you Masaomi."

They taller man stood up, and pushed the person in his arms as if he was on fire. His eyes filled with storm and accusations.

"What?"

"I- what I meant was- that wasn't what I intended to s-say."

Masaomi laughed through his nose. " Then tell me," He walked menacingly , hovering over Mikado's bed. " What you meant, really. I'm all ears Mikado.- Because obviously you don't give a fuck that I've been here since yesterday night, worried half to death . But, oh, wait a minute. That's your job isn't it? Dying."

Hands clenched white sheets, and Masaomi didn't know what he was doing. Why must this always happen with everyone? Why did he have to be so insensitive at times and take his anger out on others? His girlfriend, his mom, Mikado, Kasuka, Aoba. Why am I like this?

"Stop it Masaomi. I ..wasn't feeling well. I just barely woke up, I'm in the hospital. Be more patient with me , please...What I really meant to say was... I don't want to be around you right now. I'd like to ..talk to..someone. Look, just..just get me Kasuka. I **want** to talk to him, no , I _need_ to talk to Kasuka."

Silence, but this time the patient's voice was more forceful, stronger.

"I want to be with Kasuka right now! Please call him."

The door to the room slowly swung open, careful to not disturb anyone in case they were sleeping. The androgynous man had on the latest designer apparel and the roses only seemed to accentuate his good looks.

" I'm already here."

Mikado could breath again.

" K-kasuka."

Brown eyes were looking back and forth as the two people stared at one another like nothing else mattered. Masaomi felt that he was the third wheel.

"Fine! Be with your stupid little boyfriend! See if I fucking care!"

Masaomi stood up. Shoving Kasuka's shoulder as he did so, forceful and crude. The door slammed shut voicing his anger .But Kasuka wasn't perturbed he was used to his blond friend's little tantrums. He placed the flowers in a vase near the bed.

" Mikado," Kasuka spoke. " you need to be more careful. Were you taking you medicine?"

" I.." downcast eyes. " didn't have time to. Honest. I've been so busy lately with the school and the students."

Kasuka sat on the vacant chair and crossed his legs.

" Then set yourself a schedule and follow it accordingly. " As he spoke he took out a small blue notebook. " I found one in my room. It is a gift for you."

"Oh," Mikado spoke as he bowed lightly. " Thank you Kasuka-kun."

"Just a while ago you said my name without an honorific. Say that again."

" Ah, Kasuka."

There was a comfortable silence before the man spoke again in that same tone he always used.

" I like it when you say my name like that. It feels like I can really understand you. I think I'm the only person who does. "

A smile. " Indeed you are Kasuka."

" I think it's fair since you're also the only the person who understands me. I don't understand me at all, but you seem to do. In fact, you seem to understand everyone somehow." Kasuka paused and added,

" You are incredibly strong Mikado, you're going to be back at you're job in no time."

" Hopefully so," the blue eyed man began to play with the strap on his arms. " I hope not to cause anyone any trouble. I'm sorry you came all the way here just to see me. And Masaomi as well, ahh, I should really apologize to him. He cares so much about me but all I do is agitate him. But it would be better if he was honest with his feelings.."

Kasuka nodded and started to peel an orange he took out from his pants pocket.

" Before I was told what happened to you I felt my chest hurt when I was taking a bath. So when I went to the kitchen to eat some cookies, I saw that my little brother had already eaten them. When I looked into my refrigerator and saw them gone I knew it was a bad omen." He said this without any trace of humor in it but the other laughed as if he had never laughed in his whole life.

"Why is it...?" The man said in between tears.

" Why is what?"

Mikado looked calmly at him and smiled. He raised his hand and cupped Kasuka's cheek.

" Why is it that you always know what to say ?"

If anyone would have heard Kasuka's next statement they would have thought it was a joke. ( Since it was said in a tone so flat and boring)- But to Mikado he knew that the man meant every word of it.

" Because I love you."

-and then they kissed.

* * *

><p>Masaomi sighed. He had to apologize later to two people now, great just great. He massaged his temples until he felt something cold near his fingers. It was a can of coffee being offered by his greatest enemy—err, old friend. Aoba.<p>

" Kasuka is in there, right." It was a statement.

" Yeah," the blonde man snorted. " God forbid Kasuka entry to the great Mikado-sama! Aren't you supposed to be jealous or something? Here is your love rival coming to swoop the princess away."

Aoba sat next to the blond, keeping a good distance from him as he did so. He crossed his legs over the pants of his tailored suit. He must have gotten off of work.

"I'm not like you Masaomi. If he's happy ,I'm happy. Kasuka and Sempai have been going out for five years already and I don't think they'll be quitting anytime soon. Well..unless.."

He didn't want to finish that sentence. And Masaomi didn't want him to either.

" I mean, It sort of surprised me y'know? Those two..actually nah. I've known it from the start. Even from middle school I knew something weird was going on, but how was I supposed to think that they liked each other in that way? I mean our town was hick central. The thought hadn't even crossed to me that dudes could like dudes. Except you Aoba, I always knew you were a little fruit."

" Aren't you being a bit hypocritical?" Aoba grinned. " Heh, I mean your interactions with him always lead me to believe you felt something else..."

Masaomi paled.

_I love you Mikado! Let me take care of you. _

He should really learn to think before he opened his big fat mouth.

"Shut your mouth. I never felt anything like that for him, I'm just.. confused."

" And that's how they start... I wonder why men always have this pride about their sexuality. Unlike me, the moment I learned of my feelings for Sempai I didn't become disgusted with myself. I just accepted them."

" -But you dated women, and others. Even one of the Orihara twins."

" I'm still a man, " Aoba replied. " If you were in my situation wouldn't you go out with her too?"

"She does have a huge rack." Masaomi mused.

"But the only person for me," Aoba sighed with a dreamy look on his face " is my sempai."

" Ok, calm down Casanova. I'm straight and I really can't stand to hear this."

" Too bad, because just like I hear your inconsistent whining you need to hear mine as well. I dislike to be used like that."

" But you have no problem in using others right?"

" That's true."

" Not a drop of guilt, eh? But you always acted like this , even in middle school. You still have that stupid facade whenever you are with Mikado. That cheerful, cute underclassman. But when you talk to others it's a completely different tone and personality. You're vile and ruthless."

" I'm just a masochist,"Aoba replied while sipping on his coffee. "While I hate when others use me I don't mind one bit when _he _uses me."

" Since when has Mikado ever used you? Since when has Mikado ever used anyone?"

Aoba patronized him and smiled.

" All the time. You just don't _get _Sempai like I do."

Masaomi stood up with his teeth clenched, he had enough of this banter. The can falling through his fingertips as they clenched into a fist.

" You always pretended to empathize with others wants and needs, but you still act like you're above them. Well fuck you Aoba. I'm going to tear you a new one caterpillar eyebrows."

The younger man didn't stand up , just tilted his head sideways.

" Didn't I tell you- White is such a dreadful color on you?"

* * *

><p>This happened when they were in their second year of high school.<p>

A fifteen year old Aoba carried two book bags in his hands looking quite indignant, looking up at his blond upperclassman. The other had his arms crossed ,mouth twisted.

" Aoba, gimme Mikado's book bag. Now."

" Sempai is currently in his study session after school. He told me to take care of it for him."

" You're lying Mikado never asks anyone to do things for him."

" Shut up, he told me to. ...using Telepathy! You just don't know it because you aren't on the same wave length as Sempai!"

" C'mon I just wanna see if he has any munchies. I'm starving here!"

The two began a tug of war and soon the contents of the school bag fell on the ground.

Kasuka began picking up the items as the two teens continued to argue. This happened everyday. This and also the fact that Mairu and Kururi were right behind the quite boy, admiring his beauty while latching on to him. He didn't complain, they were friends after all.

Anri was amused as she looked at them quietly. It was a surprise to her that time could pass so quickly, that she was no longer the abused young girl she used to be. She wasn't alone anymore, for she now had kind friends. ( She couldn't help but think it was Mikado's doing, because if she never met him in that hospital she would have never met anyone else.)

(But of course those kind friends are always silently screaming, small tiny screams)

A sound of a shuffling door was heard.

" Thanks for waiting everyone!" A petite boy walked toward them, beaming at them while carrying a text book .

" Mikado-chan!" Mairu squealed as she ran toward him, her twin still latched on to Kasuka's arm ( who didn't seem to mind).

" Mairu-chan," he smiled. " What are you all up to?

" Waiting ( for you)."

" Yup, like Kururi-chan said , waiting for you! We're going to Aoba's house today for movie night. Let's go kaykay?" The bespectacled girl latched on to the boys arms with gusto. Mikado laughed. The twins were contagious.

" Who the hell said you could come!" Aoba pouted.

"Well, " Mairu said as she walked behind her twin, and spontaneously grabbed her breasts. " These knockers do!"

" Shameless!"

" INCESTTTTT! " Masaomi yelled out at the top of his lungs. " SpiderMasaomi could get used to this!"

Just another day for Mikado.

" Did you know that the world is going to end soon?" Mairu spoke in between chews as she ate her yogurt. The group stopped in Mr Simon's convenience store for some rations. They always pitched in with the food( it would range from thirty to forty ), they grabbed anything that suited their fancy and always ordered out for their movie nights. That, or they walked to a reasonably priced restaurant for their eats. It was a ritual for them that happened every Friday, well, unless it was called off for personal reasons. Namely, Mikado's job that asked him to work on Friday's if they needed help on replacing someone.

Aoba was currently locking arms with his sempai, his head resting on Mikado's shoulder.

" What a load of bullshit, the world isn't going to end soon. That's like saying the sky is going to fall anytime soon."

"Actually," Mikado began. " That's one of my biggest fears...the sky falling."

" Don't worry Sempai, I won't let that happen."

Masaomi made a face in between slurps of his icee. " The hell ? How can you stop the sky from falling. If it did you'd be the first one dead under a cloud some where."

A sweet laugh filled the air, and everyone turned toward Anri. " If you ask me I think Kasuka would survive first if that ever happened. He's very practical. "

" Yeah," Masaomi winked. " He'd be the first dumb ass to try to eat a cloud."

Kasuka threw a cookie at his head.

" What brought this on anyways? " Anri asked , filled with curiosity.

" Today...at school." Kururi spoke slowly, and very softly. Everyone began to close in on her to hear her correctly. " The teacher taught us about global warming( it was interesting)." She was in the same position as Aoba was , latching on to her piece of affection, Kasuka.

Mikado nodded as Aoba snuggled with him deeper. " Ah, I see. No wonder! If the world did end..hmmm. Yeah, Kasuka would be the sole survivor! But the first person to die would be Masaomi..sorry." He apologized when he saw the blond's shocked expression. " Just.. you don't have the best survival instincts., I mean...remember the school trip in the woods? We were lost for about thirty minutes and you were the first one saying we should drink our pee to save water. "

Kasuka nodded while the others laughed, jabbing at Masaomi's forehead.

"And I-" Mairu stopped in between walking . " Shall be the only female in the world left to reproduce! It will be a tough sacrifice but I will prevail! Ohhhhh yeah! "

Everyone laughed, even Kasuka. His closest friends always knew he had different laughs for everything. He did a 'ha' when he thought it was just humorous, all in that bored voice of his. If he did ' ha ha' he thought it was really funny. But when he would go ' ha ha ha' it was just hilarious. And the group knew this was true whether the world would end or not.

" The world should end in a Noah's ark." Was all Kasuka said ,continuing to munch on his cookies. He took another one and fed it to Mikado while walking to the Chinese food store that had opened up a couple of days ago.

" That's dumb, " Aoba's grip on his sempai tightened. " Why would anyone want to be our savior. That's why Noah's ark only had animals, we aren't meant to be saved. Because we are dumb humans."

Masaomi changed the subject, because truth be told this topic scared him.

" Oi, Mikado-chan, you're half Chinese right? Why not talk to the owners and get us a discount? Who knows? They could be your long lost relatives . "

Mikado sighed exasperatedly. " Masaomi I told you on Monday that they _are_ my family that's one of the reasons I wanted to come here. To see how their business was going. "

" That's really cute. How you care about you're family that way. We have a little brother, but he is so not cute!" The girl adjusted her glasses as she spoke.

" Not cute. ( at all.)" added the other twin.

The shop was a modest one, the windows were clear and one could see a handful of people enjoying the grand opening. The group walked in animatedly, and Masaomi was about to take a foot inside when he saw that man. The Uncle that he wished dead so often from Mikado's child hood. The one he almost killed when he had pushed him off the stairs.

He pulled his friend gently to the side. Making it seem he was just snuggling up to him, whispering to him his accusations.

Mairu could be heard at the counter, ordering her plate saying to them" Get a room you two!"

"Mikado how can you do this to me?" The grip on the boy's elbow tightened. "Don't you remember how he treated you back then?"

"Masaomi people change, he's changed into a more kinder person. He is more mellow now." The blue eyed boy wanted to look at anything but his friend's face, because he wanted to believe that people are genuinely good on the inside. But the blond didn't let him and grabbed his face (gently) so they could be staring eye to eye. ( A small cat call could be heard from their friends.)

"So, you think people change for the better just like that? There is no such thing, if a person is born rotten they stay rotten Mikado! How can you be so naive..."

"What are you talking about Masaomi...out of everyone in our group you changed the most." Mikado at this point was cold. " Did you want me to give up on you too?"

Time stood still for them, neither of them backing down their appointed argument. Just staring at each other.

" Kiss already!"

And both of them broke their stare, Masaomi standing up and bowing his head slightly.

" Just forget it ok?"

They had fun that movie night.

* * *

><p>On Friday, when movie night canceled ,was when it had happened.<p>

It was just past four o' clock when Mikado waved goodbye to his friends in front of the bakery. Masaomi's arms enveloped the top of Mikado's head in a tight embrace.

"Ne, Mikado-channnnnnnnnnnn! We're gonna pick you up after you finish your shift! Set aside some tea and some cakes for us, kaykay?"

" You louse." Aoba gripped his bag straps a bit harder. " You shouldn't overwork sempai like that."

Mikado had a small smile on his face and it might just have been an illusion but the underclassman could see flowers emerging from behind his infatuation.

" Aoba-kun would you like some cake as well?"

" Yes..." he answered quietly.

" Well aren't you whipped." the blonde added sound effects to his statement , motioning with his hand a belt being cracked. He was punched in the face.

Kasuka seemed to ignore his friends as he continued to play on his portable video game player he received last month. He waved goodbye without even looking up from his Super Mario.

" See you later."

" Good luck Mikado-kun." Anri bowed and walked behind the boys that would be accompanying her home. With that Mikado clenched both of his fist _invigorated _and filled with good spirit.

" Hello Yamazaki-san! I'm ready to start my shift!"

The big burly man ( who was also the owner of the store) stepped out with a friendly face handing Mikado a package filled with bread and cookies.

" Today I'd like for you to go walk around Market Street and sell there, alright? We have enough help here at the store and we need someone young and energetic to get people's attention today. Is that all right Mikado-kun?"

The young boy could only smile placing a fist in the air.

* * *

><p>" Sure thing, Owner! Leave it to me!"<p>

The sun was hidden behind the clouds and Mikado wondered if he should tell the owner his thoughts; That today he didn't expect so many customers in the open air market, but he swallowed and placed the boxes of bread on the store's bicycle. Strapping it on with some rope he found near the back door of the bakery. He hopped on and just like that, he began to pedal faster and faster.

Whenever he made his deliveries he imagined himself as a pilot, or sometimes even as a race car driver. The wind was his opponent and the sky was the limit. But what he liked the most was that he only took the bicycle when the destination was a bit farther away from everything familiar. He liked this feeling because it made all his problems go away, like his illness that made him throw up occasionally, that made his stomach go haywire, how they didn't have money for the rent this month, or that the sky was going to fall soon ( and it felt exciting). He wondered if this was how Masaomi felt when he ran in track. His blond friend was recruited and he was the star runner of their high school. He was like the sun, Mikado mused as he turned a corner. But then he realized that Masaomi was always running. The sad thing about it was that he was always running in the wrong direction.

The part time worker slowed down his pace, he enjoyed the scenery (since this was the more wealthy part of town). The houses were well built, sturdy not like the apartment building he lived in with his grandparents. His mind wandered off to the flowers in front of him, questioning if he should pick some for Mrs. Kida and his grandmother. He was a bit embarrassed to even think of Anri ( would she get the wrong idea?) and even to Kasuka. He didn't want to even think why he thought of him.

His face felt hot.

" Young man!"

Mikado turned on his bike as he saw an old man ( who looked like some kind of butler) walking quickly and out of breath. The boy thought he was about the age of his grandfather , and when he thought this he quickly made his way to the other . He wouldn't want to be an inconvenience.

" Ah, Young man . My master saw you from outside the window and he wondered if the box of bread is for sale?"

Today was his lucky day! He wouldn't have to go back to his boss empty handed.

" Yes they are. Is he interested in the whole box?"

" He wanted the cookies as well as everything on the bike. If you're alright with selling them come inside so we can unload them. You see I'm not as young as I used to be."

Mikado nodded and waited for the man to open the steel gate in front of him. When he arrived at the door he balanced all the boxes at once , his legs shaking as he placed them on the small table near the door.

" Ah, will this be all?"

" No," said the old man sadly. And that was the last thing Mikado heard when chloroform enveloped his senses.

* * *

><p>" Dammit Kasuka why do you always win at this game!" Masaomi groaned loudly as he sunk in his beloved bean bag.<p>

Kasuka shrugged. " Because you suck at this game."

The youngest out of the two boys rolled his eyes. " I loose every time. You are just to good Kasuka- sempai."

" If Anri were here it would be much better than hanging out with all these dudes...I know!" The blonde haired male stood up as he popped another chip into his mouth. "Let's call the Orihara twins. They're so hot."

Aoba pinched the bridge of his nose and started to pack up his belongings.

" Weren't we supposed to pick up sempai in ten minutes? Maybe you can call them after that? Besides, I have to go home soon."

" Ah, never mind then. Kasuka, c'mon! Get your lazy butt up so we can pick up Mika-chan."

The dark haired boy continued to play as the other two grinned at him.

" When Kasuka-sempai plays video games his brain is in another world."

" For sure, " the blond began to sneak up behind the other boy and pounced. " SPIDER MASAOMI-AWAY!"

When they arrived at the bakery they were 10 minutes late. The trio were running ( besides Aoba who was on his own bicycle) toward Mikado's work place , earning questionable stares from passerby. They must have really wanted bread.

" Ahhh, Stupid man slut! Because of you we're making sempai wait!"

" It's not my fault Kasuka bit me! Anyways- wait. Mikado isn't in the front."

They stopped running as they stood in front of the store, looking quite confused when they saw the owner in front of the establishment looking quite worried as he bobbed his head left and right.

" Ah! Boys! "

" Mr. Yamazaki." They chorused.

" Isn't Mikado-kun with you ? He hasn't come by since this afternoon...I sent him to go to market street and he hasn't come back yet."

As soon as he said this all expressions were changed and the boys seemed to be older than they really were.

" Which way did he go?" Kasuka spoke first surprising everyone.

" He went that way," the elder man raised his finger. " I'll leave off on calling his grandparents for now, there must be a reason why he is so late. Perhaps one of the tires broke...Please find him!"

* * *

><p>As soon as he blinked the three were gone.<p>

After the news the trio quickly ran towards the quickest way to get to the market place-Through the wealthy part of town. Aoba was in the lead ,since he had had a bicycle it allowed him to cover more ground faster than the elder boys. He had his cellphone on high just in case the two had to give him any information on Mikado's whereabouts .

But when he saw his sempai with his own bike walking toward him he didn't become glad like he thought he would. He just stopped, he stopped because in his world it did stop. At that moment everything felt surreal to him. So it was true, the end of the world was the sky falling, not a Noah's Ark. No one was saved.

This isn't happening.

" Oi, Mikado!" Aoba could hear Masaomi's yelling and he didn't care. He could only stare when his sempai was becoming more visible, and he knew, he knew that Masaomi and Kasuka was in back of him, quite shocked and at loss for words .

So many worlds were ending today.

He was terrified , but nevertheless the youngest spoke first.

" What happened Sempai?" His mouth was dry.

The trio could only wait and examine their friend who was quite dazed, trudging along with his bicycle. The bread carts were empty, and his shirt was a bit torn off, blood on him as well as bruises. Marks were engraved on his neck and on his petite body. Mikado's eyes were so expressive, puffy, but how can that be? They were vacant.

" Who did this to you!" Masaomi screeched . He was a failure because he couldn't protect his friend, was what he was thinking. " Who beat you up! I'll kill them!"

The other two knew that that couldn't possibly be it. It was something else, something more terrible.

The youngest looked pained, he looked like he was about to cry. Aoba started to stutter trying to give his words form, his voice tearful and frail. " If they hurt you, you should tell." Words of wisdom of a child, but he knew that telling adults would only make matters worse, it always did.

But both of the former gang leaders voices didn't reach Mikado, he didn't even look at them. He merely ran straight towards Kasuka's arms. He was accepted and the taller boy held on to the other as if his life depended on it.

Aoba became even more frightened never , ever forgetting that expression on Kasuka's usually dull face.

It was helplessness.

Masaomi's face remained cold as stone, clenching his fists and looking at the cracks on the ground because he was nothing more than an awkward teenager. He didn't know how to handle the situation, and he shouldn't feel jealous because his supposed best friend ran towards someone other than him.

Mikado coughed violently and began to whisper, but Kasuka being in such close proximity with him could hear.

"He said that his master wanted everything on the bike.. but how was I supposed to know he meant me as well?"

It began to rain and as the rain fell Mikado let out a yell. He tore away from Kasuka and began to scream loudly, loudly until he was hoarse. No one heard him, as they were in his cars the rain muting everything other than the downpour.

No one tried to stop him, and at this point Aoba began to cry, as well as Masaomi and Kasuka. Because even though they didn't understand the situation they could feel it.

"**THERE ISN'T A SINGLE DECENT PERSON IN THIS PLACE**!" By place, Mikado was trying to say in his life, but that's ok. He doesn't know what he's saying anymore. And anyway's his friends understood him, and they couldn't help but agree.

" The world is going to end soon! A-a-and" He closed his eyes. " Why doesn't anyone care?"

" Mikado." Masaomi spoke, standing tall. " What happened ? What happened to you?"

But Mikado ignored him and flinched every time Masaomi grabbed on to his shoulders.

They cried all the way home.

* * *

><p>Aoba called his parents lying to them that he had a project due on Monday. That it was necessary for him to stay at his friend's house to complete it . They bought the excuse only after they talked to Mrs. Kida , she was quite oblivious to why the three other boys were staying in her house but welcomed them with open arms. She spoke to the other parents, explaining that the weather was much to violent for them to head home anyways. Mikado's grandparents were quite worried but smiled when they knew he was in good hands.<p>

It wasn't uncommon for the boys to bathe together on certain days , but this time Mikado refused to bathe with the others. He wasn't vocal about it , he was just perched on Masaomi's bed refusing to budge.

" Sempai, please bathe with us. We can clean you up too...aren't you cold?"

Ignored.

" Sempai, Sempai, Sempai!" Aoba had enough and he didn't have anymore patience. " You're being cruel!"

" Come on Mikado. Stop being a big baby," Masaomi spoke. " Just cause some people roughed you up doesn't mean shit...unless.. you're hiding something.."

Kasuka's eyes narrowed and stood up from his position on the bean bag.

" Mikado, just me and you. Let's go."

Masaomi shut his eyes as he rubbed his temples. " Like that's going to work," he began, but when he opened his eyes Mikado and Kasuka was already gone leaving an irritated but jealous looking Aoba.

Kasuka began to do his usual routine, dab water on to himself and then begin to latter his hair with shampoo. He pretended to not seem interested in the way Mikado opted to the bathtub instead of the usual stool he used in the traditional Japanese home that Masaomi owned. He pretended not to notice the water turning pink because of the blood trickling down Mikado's leg and he pretended not to look when he saw Mikado scrub until his skin was pink.

To Mikado it would never be enough to scrub him clean. No matter how much he tried to he would always be dirty.

How was he supposed to feel like right now?

I'm empty.

" I know what happened ." Kasuka said, he faced the boy completely. " I'm sorry Mikado."

Mikado does not nor does he face him. The only thing Kasuka could see was a small back with red marks, and how those shoulders seemed getting tinnier and tinnier each second going up and down.

The boy was crying.

* * *

><p>When Mikado went to sleep on Masaomi's bed ( the trio insisted he take the bed) ,Kasuka called a sort of meeting in the kitchen.<p>

The teenagers made sure for the adults to be asleep, it was two am and they made sure to keep their voices low. The tallest of the three told them what really happened, the truth of what had happened to their ill friend. He also mentioned how, while doing so, apologized to Aoba and Masaomi , how Mikado wasn't brave enough to tell them in person just yet and used Kasuka as his messenger.

Mikado asked forgiveness because he knew he was cruel.

There was a pregnant silence after everything was said. No one spoke because in a way they were mourning for Mikado's loss of innocence. Like it was that important in the first place. Because honestly what would you do? What could you do?

Masaomi and Aoba became absolutely livid.

The blond boy was like fluid reaching up to his metal bat, the one he used to command and bring fear to the yellow scarves.

The younger, always so calm and composed turned his face into something sinister a remnant of the blue squares , a knife in his hands.

And Kasuka could only stare and keep his mouth shut because he had no way of stopping his friends after they made up their mind.

Masaomi spoke, but he was no longer Masaomi. He was an animal, baring his fangs and ready to pounce.

" We're getting payback."

* * *

><p>Next chapter will be on this Tuesday or Monday. I was supposed to post this chapter whole. My friend said there were too much..things going on ( he called it ' too many what the fuck moments' )? I mean I revealed a lot in this chapter and the second part is where you know what Mikado 's mystery illness is and a wholleeeeee bunch of other things.<p>

Also, I'd just like to say thank you kindly for those people who review ( who do not have an account). And to those who support this story. Without you're support I would have become discouraged!

Lili, Cookies love milk. ( those reviewers who don't have an account because I can't thank them personally.)

Thank you everyone.


	8. HALF2 it

_I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what I'm doing._

The town at night was desolate and Masaomi felt fun to pretend it was because him and Aoba were the only survivors in the end of the world.

But tonight was no laughing matter. Their friend had something precious taken away from him, something that he could never get back and the only thing that they could offer was some sort of vengeance.

When he told Aoba this, the child's pace slowly comes to a halt and looks at Masaomi with a cold look.

"This is not vengeance, this is retribution."

[Violence never solves anything, the elder Masaomi and Aoba now know, but everything is much more easier to swallow when you can't think. When you can't hear.]

Unlike Masaomi, Aoba knew exactly what he was doing. His mind was set because he forget the feeling of guilt a long time ago. When he burned down his elder brother's room was when he decided to reject humanity. Therefore, if all of humanity exists to cause pain, reproduce, eat and sleep then he wanted no part of it. If he had to go back to take the mental and physical abuse from his brother then he would just die. Because he had suffered all of those things, he saw it only as fair for others to suffer like he had suffered. Aoba was clinging to Mikado, because he thought Mikado was out of his reach, incorruptible.

He wanted it back. (Just like the time when he and his elder brother didn't hate one another. The time where they would sit together and play marbles or even Nintendo.)

On the other hand Masaomi did not know where he was running to. He didn't think , he just did . And only half way there did he realize that what he was doing was stupid, and what in the hell was he even thinking of accomplishing once inside? He felt just like the 'old him' the lost kid with the yellow scarves. He was just a kid. Now that he thought about it Mikado would complain to him about that often, that he was never thinking about what he was doing. He glanced at the moldy bars in front of him as Aoba had already begun to climb them.

"I can't move." Masaomi said suddenly.

"What do you mean you can't move?" The dark haired boy called to him from the other side of the gate. His eyes told the other that he was irritated and impatient. Stop joking around and hurry it up."

"I'm being serious." His voice was soft and desperate. "I can't move..I'm scared. I don't know what I'm doing here!"

It was quiet for a few minutes until a sigh was heard.

"You can't move or do you not want to? You know what you're here to do, but you're just a coward. You're like a dog Masaomi. Even when you were gang leader all you had was your bark and no bite."

" You assho-" The blonds' eyes went wide as he saw a shadow approaching the other from behind. It was a tall figure, and in its hands were a long object, presumably something dangerous. "Aoba look out!"

The other boy sprung into action, taking out a knife from his cardigan's pocket as he did so. As soon as he did this, he was pulled into the shadows. Away from Masaomi's sight.

The other began to panic, and without much thought ran upwards the bars. He fell on to the ground with a loud 'thump', not caring if that fall hurt his backside.

"Aoba!" He screamed toward nothing. When he looked in front of him, the house was surrounded by trees and bushes. The pathway led to the mansion's main door. Then something changed within him.

He looked at his feet for a while, his eyes seemed lost, then slowly, focused his eyes and looked straight towards the door. He ran towards it quickly. He would help Mikado by himself, he didn't need Aoba! But why was he acting so selfish right now? Weren't he and Aoba friends? Was he a bad person for being too scared to look for him? He thought these things as his feet became closer and closer to the door until—he was hit on the head by a pipe.

"What are you doing here ,runt? Didn't your parents ever teach you not to trespass?"

It was a tall, big man that was wearing a suit. He looked like a regular bodyguard for just about any movie star. His hands were both handling a crowbar, raising it high above his head (not even waiting for an answer.)

Masaomi's brain couldn't keep up with his mouth and he began to stutter, trying to form words from his lips. But no words came, especially not after the man began to gasp, and then violently coughed up blood. He regurgitated for a split second his saliva and blood, but soon landed a few feet away from the blond . There was a knife on the man's back, and the boy scrunched his face in confusion.

"Aoba?"

Aoba was standing tall above the man, his clothes were torn and he had a bruise at the edge of his mouth. His eyes were stone as he took out his knife from the body on the ground.

" You…you killed him." A statement and nothing more.

The other boy stayed silent as he cleaned the blood on his shirt.

"You murderer."

Masaomi knew he was being hypocritical, since this was probably not the worst thing he'd done to someone while in the Yellow Scarves. (But even so he wanted to make the other feel bad, just like he felt.)

"No," the other boy began. "I'm a hero. I just saved your life." He went up to the body, kicked it so it would face upwards. "He had a gun and he wouldn't hesitate to shoot you. I know this because the other who grabbed me was about to do the same thing to me. Now get up, let's go inside."

"What happened to the other man?"

"I stabbed him."

They both looked at each other, and finally, the other boy rose. The blond moved some of his hair away from his face, blood trickling down his forehead like rain.

"Is he dead?"

"Probably" Aoba said this like he was making a comment about the weather.

"That's what you think."

Both of the boys jumped at the same time, quickly gaining a protective stance. They looked toward the voice and saw another bodyguard. The man was limping , a gun in hand while with his other patted the wound in his stomach . All his fury was directed to the younger of the duo, who just stared looking shocked and pale.

"I'll kill you punk, you and your little friend."

Aoba inwardly cursed himself for his stupidity, why didn't he take his gun away while he had the chance? If he didn't think of something fast he would die right here, at the age of sixteen. He hadn't even said goodbye to his Sempai yet, much less declare his feelings for him. And here he was, going to die with this stupid coward that doesn't even know who he is.

(_But I do not regret it_.)

A blink was all it took. It was all it took for the other man with a pistol to be dead. In that short time, Masaomi charged unmercifully, knocking the elder man down. The gun fell to their sides but Masaomi did not reach for it. He merely raised his bat and brought a collision right at the back of the man's head.

A second was all it took for the man to lay on the floor unconscious. A minute passed and Aoba reached forward, raising his hand to the man's neck. After a while he announced. "He's dead."

There were many things Masaomi felt in that moment, and sadly, guilt wasn't one of them. It was ' Good thing that wasn't me right now." More like relief.

"Looks like you aren't as useless as I thought you were."

The other shot him a dirty look. "Shut up. Let's just go inside already."

The two boys accelerated onto the house, passing by portraits and long winds of stairs. Everything looked like it was worth more than them. They wondered around for a bit until Aoba pointed upwards.

"Kasuka said Sempai only remembers running down the stairs right? So the person who did 'that' to him must be up there. I'm assuming he's the owner of this place."

Masaomi nodded, but before his feet touched a step he looked at Aoba in hesitance.

"Are we going to kill him too?"

But the other only gave him an exasperated look and said -

"What do you think? He deserves it. Sempai is going to live with this his whole life. He has lived with his illness, his mother's death, he doesn't even have a father and not to mention his grandparents are old. They'll leave him soon too."

Masaomi couldn't retaliate because he knew it to be true.

"But _I'll_ make sure _I _won't go anywhere. We're the only ones that he has left and you don't want to do something as petty as this? You were with the Yellow Scarves a while ago because you wanted a place to belong didn't you?"

They both continued to talk as they both went up the stairs.

"Mikado can be that place if you let him."

"No, No, you..."Masaomi began to shake his head, slowly and frigidly. "You don't really love Mikado do you?" He said this carefully as if he were trying to make sense of what he had just said.

But the other became offended, and quickly sprung upwards. Proclaiming his devotion. "Of course I love Sempai!"

"No, you're lying." Masoaomi whispered this, as his eyes suddenly turned to light.

"I am not." The other had his arms crossed in front of his chest, while the blond was at the top of the stairs. He looked down at Aoba (more than usual) and opened his mouth.

"Yes, you are. You…don't love Mikado for what he is, _you love him for what he could be_. Your trying to push your feelings on to him without thinking about what he wants! And if all you are doing is that, then all you're being is just a burden to him!"

Aoba took a few steps backward, and then Masaomi realized how easy it would be to push him off the stairs.

"That was the case in the beginning Masaomi. It's different now. "He paused." You're may be right about me trying to push myself on him. He just…he just made it so easy. He made it easy for me to talk to him, to want to tell him my fears and thoughts. It's true that I wanted him to hear me, but what I wanted above everything else was for just about anyone to listen me. It could have been someone else, anyone would have been fine. But I chose Sempai. I chose him. Because he chose me first."

Aoba began walking closer up the stairs, reaching towards Masaomi's place.

"I want Sempai to have all of me. I want him to accept everything about me. Even if my parents don't, I know he will. You're right, that I at first wanted him to be someone else, but what Sempai turned out to be was something much greater."

They were on the same step now.

" You aren't anyone to accuse someone of being selfish. You know what I'm talking about. Even within our group, you are always the one choosing our destinations. You always have to choose what movie we're going to see. We are not the Yellow Scarves Masaomi. It's like you're blind to everyone else's pain. Whenever you want to go somewhere, you always make Sempai go whether he wants to or not. And you know what? He follows you, Masaomi. He always follows you,you son of a bitch."

The other was already crying, blubbering even. His hands were shaking as he held the knife. Pointing it at Masaomi's throat.

Masaomi didn't say anything, just noticing how long the stairs was.

"Mikado..." This was the first time Aoba had referred to him as anything else besides 'Sempai'. "Mikado _adores_ you, do you know that? He loves you very much, and I don't see why. I'll always be second won't I? You don't deserve how much faith he has in you!"

Before Masaomi could reply a gunshot was heard all around the house.

The two boys scurried behind any piece of furniture available to them, opting to hide near a vase. The room in front of them was emitting strange sounds, many footsteps. It sounded like there were quite a couple of people in that sole room. _'That must be from where the gunshot was heard' _Aoba thought, and he was right. He nudged the boy in the white sweater roughly, pointing toward the door in front of them. They both tiptoed across to lay behind the door.

Another gunshot was heard, accompanied by mummers and chatter.

" -why are you doing this!" The voice was desperate and exasperated.

Masaomi tried to peer through the hinges of the door, straining his eye site as far as he could reach and there, in the moonlight laid two elder men; dead and bleeding. But that wasn't what really surprised him, no. It was how he, _Shiki,_ stood. Standing tall, and pointing a gun at a man sitting on a king size bed.

"My apologies for the warning shots . That was to notify how serious we are and how something will be done about our predicament tonight. First thing is first. You haven't paid the Awakusu-Kai back. Nor have you done as you were told at the last meeting. The boss decided that this will be the final mistake that we will accept from you."

He cocked his gun

"Forgive me, this isn't personal." And with that, he shot the man in the leg as the other began to howl in pain.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll do something about it r-right away and-" But before the man could stand up and compose himself a gun was placed in front of his face.

"Earlier, a boy came to sell you bread here .Didn't he?" Shiki's voice was the only thing heard throughout the whole room, and in that moment it took all of Aoba's willpower not to jump, and scream and kick ( because he knew who was at the other end of that gun; _That_, man. **That man**.' )

The man said nothing; just a look of recognition and guilt could be seen on his face.

"A while ago, I said this wasn't personal."

"T-that's right you said so! Please let me go! I beg of y-you…"

The man clenched Shiki's white shoes roughly, gripping them in despair. But Shiki shook him off, cocked his gun and took a shot right at the man's face. It exploded into several tiny pieces, blood on the dead man's pajamas and on his( used to be) expensive Persian carpet. The man twitched for a couple of seconds, his last moments in pain as Shiki grinded the sole of his shoes on the others hand.

"_That _wasn't personal, but _this_ was."

The two young boys on the other side of the wall trembled uncontrollably, both thinking the same yet different thoughts. Both of them were shaking like some kind of leaf caught in the wind, because both of them knew that Shiki had no guilt when he killed the man in such a gruesome way.

Footsteps were heard, causing inner turmoil to the boys. What if they left through this door? What would they do with them?

"We're heading back now sir."

"That's fine." Shiki commented calmly. He lifted his jacket to take out a pack of cigarettes. " I'll stay here a little while longer, I want to see this snake dead for a while."

The other men nodded and (much to the relief of Masaomi and Aoba) escaped through the windows instead of the door. The fumes of Shiki's cigarette reached all the way to Masaomi and Aoba; who were too frozen to do anything, even blink.

"What are you two doing out so late at night?"

Both of the boy's hearts stopped; they were caught! But they did not reveal themselves, nor did they speak. Through the hinges of the door,it turned out Shiki wasn't staring at them either. He was staring at that man's exploded face, leaving ash to fall on the blood.

"You don't have to tell me, I'm sure I already know what you two came here to do." The elder man's voice sounded too calm, it didn't sound like the voice of a man that had just killed another human in cold blood (or maybe he always has, they just never noticed it.) Me and my men noticed your fancy work in front of the lawn. Next time, you should do a better job of disposing of the bodies."

"The two of you came here to kill this man didn't you? For what he did to Mikado?"

The two boys flinched. _How did he know?_

"We were monitoring the house since this was the Awakusu-Kai's next hit. This man was a lousy subordinate, a liar and a cheat. And in this business, if you don't keep your word, your credibility and face flies out the window. Fast. " He paused. " I arrived too late to save him, just like I arrived too late to save his mother. I couldn't go in. I wouldn't want him to see me like this."

Shiki did not need to emphasis what ' _this_' was.

"I'm only going to say this once. Not all people's lives are equal. Remember that. But also remember this. To kill someone is a very heavy burden. You might not feel the consequences now since the two of you are young. When you're young you don't think of the long lasting affects to your decisions. But when you're older it sinks in, _deep_. Their eyes haunt you at night."

"Go home."

And it was all it took for the two teenagers to flee away from the mansion, _fast_.

* * *

><p>When they arrived at Masaomi's house they took off their clothes and burned them near a trashcan at the side of the driveway. Kasuka stood with them, looking at the heaps of smoke coming from the container.<p>

" Masaomi-kun!" It was his mother looking at them with her arms crossed in their direction. "What are you boys doing? It's five in the morning! Don't tell me it's one of those crazy projects involving fire is it?"

Kasuka turned his head up. "We were making a volcano, and we're looking at different ways on how to make the fire come out of our project without catching the surroundings on fire."

Masaomi twirled. "Yup! Yup! It's our project mom! We'll clean when we're done ok?"

Mrs. Kida rolled her eyes and went inside her home leaving the three boys alone once again.

Now that his mother was gone, the same somber expression was regained on Masaomi's face. His eyebrows upward and trembling. The boy's hands were clenched to his sides as he just stared at the fire destroying the evidence of the previous night.

_'Masaomi never wear white again, it doesn't look good on you anymore._' Was what Aoba said as they were running back to the house. His hoodie had splats of blood. It was soiled and dirty. (Just like him.)

( But the elder Masaomi still wears it, despite of Aoba's protests. He does it because it hurts more.)

And Aoba didn't say a word as he threw his favorite pocketknife in the trash bin, as if it wasn't that important to him. His arms crossed over his chest.

The tallest boy, Kasuka looked back and forth at the two and could only say "What happened?"

"Shiki was there. " It was the only thing that fell off of Aoba's lips, but that was all it took for Kasuka's eyes to widen a bit (just a bit).

"Mikado's doctor? What was he doing there?"

Masaomi turned his head at him, the fire crackling loudly. "Kasuka, you know the rumors, right? That he's a doctor by day and a Yakuza member by night? Dude, it's not a rumor, cause it's true." His voice turned into a harsh, loud whisper. "I thought I was gonna die! He freakin' blew the guy's face clean off. Like that one time, remember? When Takiguchi Ryo from class D showed us that video off of Nico Nico Douga? The one where a car zooms by and rips a cow's face right off? It was like that, except it fucking exploded!"

Aoba glared at Masaomi since he wasn't in the mood for his rambling. "Shiki killed…_**that **__man_ in cold blood. For personal and professional reasons."

"Then why did you two come back with blood all over your faces and clothes?"

Silence.

"Masaomi, this idiot, got hit in the head by a metal bat. It's a wonder he's not dead. But we were separated and he was looking for me when it had happened." Masaomi flinched._' I wasn't looking for you, I was going to leave you, and push you off the stairs_.' Was what he was going to say, but he couldn't.

"You wanted to run away Masaomi, but you didn't. " Aoba looked at Masaomi embarrassed. After a second, he dryly said "Thank you."

And all it left was a bitter taste in Masaomi's mouth.

All these things made him a coward.

* * *

><p>It was partly cloudy, and it was very strange for December to have hints of rain. It was like the seasons were mixed up. T the next thing you know, March will be filled with snow. Sharp shoes stepped on the cement, walking slowly toward the Hospital doors. It was an elder man in his mid-thirties. He looked good for his age and spoke in a soothing baritone.<p>

" Hello, I'd like to see Mikado Ryuugamine." He spoke in a polite dialect at the nurse in front of the reception and she smiled as she wrote him a pass.

"Your name sir?" She spoke cheerfully.

"Awakusu Shiki."

When the man received his pass he lightly bowed and walked briskly toward the nearest elevator. He checked his phone for any messages and looked up.

"Anri-chan, how is Mikado-kun doing?" He looked up to meet eyes with his adoptive daughter , she was in the elevator beckoning him to enter before the doors would close. He entered and she barely reached above his shoulders, but then again he was always a tall man.

"Well, here is his information." She handed him a writing board with papers. " I'm sure he'll be happy in seeing you again.." She looked down, and it reminded him of when she was a child. "The two of you haven't seen each other in two years, respectively."

"Thank you for saying he'll by happy in my company." Shiki turned to her.

When they arrived at the designated floor, they stepped out into the wash room. (It was a rule for everyone who entered the specific area to clean their hands with disinfectant.) After that, they opened the doors with a small 'beep'. The chairs in the hall were empty for the most part, but the waiting room was a bit full. Anri peered through the door's glass section, attempting to see any familiar faces. She smiled when she saw a drooling Masaomi resting his head on an exasperated Aoba. He had begun to draw silly pictures on him with a marker (out of boredom) . There were stick figures, curly mustaches and curse words in foreign languages.

She opened the door and walked side by side with Shiki, who bowed lightly at anyone who made eye contact. Aoba, who had now looked up stared in surprise, stood up, and threw Masaomi right off of him.

"Aww, shit! " The blond rubbed the back of his head, still in a daze. "What's the big deal Aoba!"

When Masaomi looked up he was shocked. He didn't expect to see Shiki, Mikado's father figure standing in front of him.

"Hello everyone. It's been quite a while. Well, except you Kuronuma-san. I see you quite often. "

Masaomi quickly glared at Aoba ' So _that's_ what he's been up to.'

"Hello, sir. It's nice to see you again." But as soon as Masaomi said this, he stood up and sent a look toward the younger dark haired man. "So Aoba, you work for Awakusu-san? Woooooowww, so, then, like, what did you tell Mikado when he asked you about your job?"

The other wrinkled his nose.

"I told him I'm working for Awakusu-san's company. Nothing else, nothing less."

"I'm an underground doctor, Masaomi-kun. " He speaks as he opens a cigarette box. I was stationed at Tokyo for a while, but since Mikado-kun suddenly arrived from China four months ago I decided to pay him a visit."

"That's great!" Masaomi forced a smile. "We should all go out for some Korean barbeque or something.. .you know when Mikado gets better." _When will that ever happen_, the blond thought to himself.

"That would be wonderful, thank you for the invitation. I'll see when my schedule is free." It was a decline for the non-invitation.

Just being near the elder man made him feel uncomfortable. Just knowing that he would blow a person's head clean off, it meant he was a bad person right? But would a bad person give money to his best friend's grandparents? Would a bad person have raised Mikado like he was his own son?

"Awakusu-san," There he goes again, that ass kisser, Masaomi rolled his eyes as Aoba spoke.

" Kasuka-kun just came in . You can go pay sempai a visit." And sure enough Kasuka walked toward them, earning him dreamy sighs and squeals from the women that were in the waiting room.

"Hello Awakusu-san." Kasuka said. He bowed lightly at the elder man. "It's been a long time."

"It sure has, your career in acting has been looking promising." Shiki began. "I recently read a review for the most recent play you did. The critic's loved it."

The other bowed again; thanking the elder for his compliments and took a seat in between his two friends. Anri coughed a little, toward her father and he nodded in return.

"I'll visit Mikado-kun later, but before I do, I want to talk to you four outside. Would that be fine? And Masaomi-kun, wash your face. I am sure you don't want everyone to know what your mother does for a living."

" What?"

Kasuka lazily spun around, facing Masaomi. The tall, silent man tugged on the blond's sleeve. His face edged near the others and he said in an amused tone (his friends would be the only one to catch it though.)

"It's in French. It says '**Ta mere suce le penis d'animaux pour l'argent **"

When Masaomi gave him a confused look, like he had just said 'What?' and 'Since when did you know French?'

Kasuka merely stated. "...It's best not to know."

The group had already begun to leave, opening the door to the hall.

"Wait, wait…what does it mean!"

* * *

><p>The group met at a nearby fire escape, it was a balcony that had several stairs attached to it. It showed the city and a bakery that was near the hospital.<p>

"I'm sure you have heard of Mikado's disease by now. Polycystic Kidney Disease?"

A pause, as if expecting an answer.

"You should have."

Shiki's voice is a baritone suitable for his age, filled with wisdom and experience. He lights up a cigarette and leans on the railings of the stairs.

" It's one of the most common life threatening diseases. It's not always caused by genetics, but it's no coincidence that just like Mikado's mother was also infected, he is as well. His is called **Autosomal dominant , since only one of the parents carried that gene.** It's a disorder in which clusters of cysts( those are bumps) that develop from inside your kidneys. Usually kidneys weigh about one-third of a pound while people with this particular disease can weigh up to thirty three pounds."

He blows smoke out into the air.

"They are nothing more than a water like fluid. It's not limited to your kidneys though, it can begin infecting your liver and just about anywhere else. It complicates your health, for example giving you high blood pressure, urinating blood, it can even cause a brain hemorrhage. Mikado shouldn't have that to deal with that at such a young age."

"Even though he has tried so hard to prevent from spreading it has happened. His insides are too weak, I'm sure all of you can even tell a gust of wind can knock him over."

He looks up at Kasuka, Anri (who just had a calmed expression) , Masaomi and Aoba, who all had their faces quite pale and troubled.

"He's going to die very soon. And there's nothing we could do to stop it."

The only thing that could be heard were the sounds of people talking outside. Small, muffled voices.

"I've looked into underground medicines and treatments, but nothing seems to work. So now, the purpose for this meeting was to yes, inform you, but also to let you in our plan. The outcome is inevitable but what we're hoping to aide him with is a painless death. "

"How much time does he have left?" It was Kasuka who asked the question, but his voice seemed more robotic and lifeless than usual.

The other looked at him strangely, as if he were surprised at the other for even asking the question.

"Less than a year, five months tops. He'll be dead by the start of June."

Masaomi couldn't speak, and his eyes were wide open. He looked at his hands and then at his shoes.

"I-I'll..." Aoba began to speak, and everyone braced themselves for his incoming outburst. "I-I'll..." He stuttered and he couldn't help it. He continued to stutter, and soon gave up trying to speak.

Masaomi felt a bit sorry for him (a bit) and wanted to say but couldn't say-

_You made sure you were here, but what about him?_

"I'll go break the news to him." Masaomi said, if anyone should tell him anything, it should be him right? They were best friends. When he said this, the elder man snuffed his cigarette on the grey bars, throwing it off the ledge.

"Hold on a minute." Shiki spoke in a confused tone. " I thought all of you were aware of this already..." He turned to Anri for an explanation, and she was just as surprised as he was.

"I didn't tell them anything because I thought Mikado-kun would have told them by now."

That was when all hell broke loose.

Since when the hell did you know? " It was Masaomi, who started to raise his voice.

Kasuka eyed him and reprimanded his behavior. Masaomi…"

"Since a few months back."She looked a bit nervous. "Telling information like that about my patient is against the law, I only spoke to everyone about him at the bonfire a while back because I thought he had already told everyone..."

Aoba seemed to swallow something, his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "So Sempai... he left us in the dark again. Kasuka…did he tell you anything?"

And Kasuka was staring at the floor because he felt a bit betrayed and did not understand why his partner would do this to him. But that was just a second, because his pain must be nothing in comparison to Mikado's. He looked up again and said—

"He had his reasons."

* * *

><p>Mikado felt like his insides would rip out at any moment. But he feigned comfort and continued to check out the internet and image boards to quench his net addiction. His laptop was sent to him by Kasuka, and once in his thin fingers he began to type unmercifully. Responding to messages, posting comments, and yes, even catching up on paperwork. When he was typing, he really wasn't thinking of the letters or fresh new gossip. He was too busy missing all of his students, like Shizuo, that blond, bashful boy that could become too sweet enough for words. The Otaku friends who gossiped in class over the new animate figure that was in production, the strange boy who often asked for blood samples for his new project, that mute girl ( who he had a small connection to because of that), and last but not least, Izaya. But his was mixed with worry, since he wasn't there to monitor his actions anymore.<p>

He was soon interrupted as the door was soon swung open.

Izaya (the boy who never wore his uniform correctly) walked calmly across the room, the swiftness like a ship on the vast currents . He said nothing, because words weren't needed at the exact moment. Not when he already spoke in action as he placed Mikado's health records since when he was five years old. Izaya had smooth talked the head nurse for information, and when she didn't buy that he was a younger brother he simply waited for her to commence her lunch before he displayed his pick pocket skills.

Mikado looked at the white pages, the pages that had described every check up,every pain he had felt in his life, and Izaya glared at him accusingly, as if he were tongue tied and didn't know what to say ( but that was strange, because Izaya always knew what to say.)

"Even after all that you still want to be buried in this stupid world?"

The sound of the computer's fans could be heard quietly. Mikado's face was in a daze and said—

"How did you know I was here?"

The boy was dressed in his uniform (if you could call it that) , clashing with the white walls. He stood out, like he always had. It didn't matter where he was; he always acted like he was above everyone (or liked to think he was). He changed his attitude and began to frolic into the small patient's room.

"You weren't in class for a week, and for everyday you didn't arrive, I just broke into your house. I didn't see you there, so I thought—" Izaya put a hand up into the air, like he was playing bingo. "I know! I'll surprise Mikado-kun by jumping out when he comes through the door!"

Then, the boys' expression changed to a sad, teary one.

"I was so heartbroken! You never came at all! So I figured..." A devilish grin marred his features. "I have to find him! So I went through your stuff and 'pow'! I found your identification card, your social security, and oh—your health records! I found out so many interesting things about you Mikado-kun! Like you're really, really sick!"

Mikado was at a loss for words.

"You...went through my belongings?"

The other dismissed his comment and continued talking.

"That isn't important right now, what's important right now is that..you're going to become worm food soon!"

The red eyed boy began to giggle, like he had just said a very funny joke.

"And I wonder, why did you write in your will—don't worry I put it right back in your safe, underneath the right kitchen cabinet, just where you like it –that you would like to be buried underneath a flowerbed. And I wonder, why? Why?"

"Because I want to." Mikado spoke. "Orihara-san I think you overstayed your welcome, and –"

"Why not give yourself to me?" The elder looked at him with a confused expression and did not move. "I'll take care of your corpse. You can be just like that body I have under that river, just rotting away. But I'm sure your decay would be much prettier."

Mikado could only remember those dark holes for eyes, and the smell, and oh my -those kittens. So he gulps down the vomit and says "I am not a doll Orihara-san. Nor do I wish to become your entertainment. I don't think it's nice to laugh at me …it's not nice at all."

"It's not very nice to just disappear for days on end without telling me."

"Where you... worried about me perhaps?"

Izaya still had that permanent smile on his face but none the less looked a little shocked. He wasn't aware of why he wanted to find Mikado. All he knew was that he wanted to find him, _now._

"Are you alright Orihara-kun?" Concern laced his voice and questioned on whether he should call the nurse for help.

"In less than a year you'll be dead. Did you know that? Did they tell you yet? It says so in those new files."

Mikado's look never faltered. "I know that. I always knew that."

Izaya is a bit surprised, but not to a very high degree. All he does is form an 'o' with his mouth. He looks even a bit bashful (which does not fit his personality well) and he begins to look outside. From Mikado's windowsill he sees the birds resting on a tree branch. The wind just a bit cold, making the leaves shake and falter. The boy decided that he was tired.

"I'm tired," He says. But that is all left to interpretation since Izaya himself didn't know what he meant to say by that. (It was happening a lot lately.) "Scoot over, I'm going to take a nap!" He crawls in like some kind of cat, stretching and yawning, going underneath the covers and putting the sheets around his shoulders.

A wry look. Because the elder doesn't understand the boy's actions. Here he comes accusing him and then he wants to relax with him. But he puts all the matters aside when he sees the boy's eyes closed, his breathing becoming slow and gradual. At that time he really did look like a child.

Then Mikado understood when Izaya had said he was tired.

( He was talking about something above that.)

Laughing, Mikado says, " Alright, Alright. I did tell you I would make it up to you didn't I?" He reaches downward to pat the dark boy's hair, gently moving it with his long fingers. Mikado's warm hands felt just so right on his head (it was soothing) . The window was a bit open, leaving the room in a perfect temperature. They stayed like this for just a bit, until when the elder returned back to his computer (Sorry, I have to finish this file) , clicking and tapping away.

Izaya shifts in his sleep, and slowly opens his eyes to the others hands on the keyboard.

"What's the one dream you want to fulfill before leaving?"

It was too straightforward for Izaya, but he really wanted to know. He wanted to see what kind of person Mikado was, and that_, that_ was why he followed him. He chose such romantic language because he knew the other liked that sort of thing . Using 'dream' instead of the word 'goal'. The older man turned out to be so different from everyone else. Yet he fought to stay normal, it fascinated him. He could never tell what the blue eyed man was thinking, nor could he tell what was behind those eyes.

Mikado looked straight at him, and this might be the only time Izaya had ever felt an entire person's being in a stare. It was exhilarating. He squeezed the bed sheets closer.

"I want people to remember me for my kindness."

Whenever Mikado would speak, he would leave behind a fragrant echo. It smelled like the flowers on his balcony and it felt like millions of miles away.( The stench made him nauseous , or perhaps because he hasn't eaten in days? ) And in that moment, Izaya understood Mikado, just a little bit, and told him in the most serious voice he could muster, and he tried to speak above the sound of eggs cracking and the murmurs of the other patients, and at the tapping of the tree branch against the window—

"Mikado if you're going to die you should have a better dream."

* * *

><p>"I'd like to think I understand you, but let's be honest here." Masaomi did not sit down, just continued talking in that bitter voice of his.<p>

"When is that ever going to happen?"

The other was still in his bed accompanied by a sleeping teen at his side. The blond looked at Izaya , but did not comment.

" Masaomi, "Mikado began. " What's wrong? Are you here to argue aga—"

"You're really cruel, you know that?"

When the other said this, Mikado's blue eyes flashed recognition, and braced himself for the blow that was to come.

"You didn't even tell me." Masaomi did not tell Mikado on what he failed in, because Mikado was not an idiot. He may be naive, but he wasn't a fool. He had to remember that. Like that one time in recess, when Mikado scrapped his knee when a boy pushed him off the swing. He beckoned Masaomi not to hurt the other kid back. Mikado was like that; He always knew how to pick his (and other's battles). Because he knew they were sometimes worth it.

"It's because Masaomi, if I would have told you, you would have exaggerated." He says flatly, like it wasn't rocket science. "You would have blown the news out of proportion. You were always like that, in the worst or best of situations. You would have worried over me, and you wouldn't be able to eat and sleep-" A glare was thrown to him. "_I know you_ Masaomi."

Masaomi parts his mouth for a bit, taking his hands out of a white jacket that doesn't suit him anymore. "That's not even it and you know it! You don't trust me, do you? And how in the hell would you want me to act? Calm as fuck?" When he cursed it was him trying to make light of a situation. "Like, ' Hey Masaomi, guess what? I'm gonna die in a couple of months!' You think I'll just go and say ' Oh, great bro! Whatever floats your boat!' Hell no Mikado. You're acting fucking stupid." Then the insults and sarcasm would come flowing in. He was so predictable, like a dog that would always run to bite the mailman at a certain time. Taking the bait. "This is your life, your time with us in this world. It's not something you just take so casually. By being selfless and trying to protect others you're hurting everyone else that cares for you."

"See how you're acting Masaomi?" He says slowly, and barely above a whisper, like he was telling campfire stories and secrets. "This is why I didn't tell you. And please keep it down. Orihara-kun is sleeping."

The other continues ,ignoring him. And Mikado was getting tired of it, so, so, much.

"And what is he doing here? He's a problem kid Mikado, he's never going to change. He's going to stay that rotten, creepy kid he has and have always been." He sighs. "You… You' re always doing this. You're always trying to save everyone because you can't even save yourself. You've always doing that. Forgiving others…"

Forgiving me, is what he had meant to say. Why can't Mikado just raise himself off the bed and give him a good punch?

"...Since we were kids. Always being the martyr. Even to that Uncle that used to be abuse you. Don't you remember all those times you were smacked around? I still can't believe you used to wave good morning to him!"

The computer was already turned off, but the laptop screen was still standing erect. The blue eyed man pushed it done quickly, his eyes never meeting the others.

"It's because you're too judgmental. You need to give others a chance."

But all it did was to offend the other with his words, and yet again did the honey eyed man stand a protective stance.

"You think I'm judgmental. If that's something I have to accept, okay. I don't care for its term, or its meaning. It's because people are people. People are terrible things."

"Then think about all the people you've watched around the years. People you see at the mall or in the street." Mikado began, his eyes were fixated on the white sheets before, but now they were looking at Masaomi and speaking in loud volume to him. "I'm not going to pretend I've personally got to know them. But I see people smile, and have fun, and do nice gestures, and it makes me happy. I see teasing, and bullying, and it makes me anxious. But I like the happier bits more even if I don't see them that often."

Mikado breaks the silence easily.

_"I want hope."_

Mikado did not know it but his words pierced Masaomi through his chest, making him remember about that promise he made to Mikado's mother many years ago.

"And that hope comes from my confidence that the majority of people are good. I don't care how many kids have pinched me when I was younger, how a man took my virginity, how many people will later badmouth me when I turn my back, how hurtful my mother's death was , how blind and negligent my father has been. I believe the majority of people are good in their cores. Despite our darker natures, our lighter natures exist too, and I think they're bigger. I believe in treating everyone with kindness, and I know people stray from that. I don't know really what I'm trying to say."

At this point Masaomi was at the edge of his seat, holding on to Mikado's hand in support; but what he really was doing was holding on to him, in fear that he would leave him.

"This is so hard for me Masaomi. I wanted to tell you...I wanted to tell all of you, because this burden is too big for my shoulders. A day doesn't go by when I think of all of you, laughing and crying. I worry so much about all of you, I do so because I don't even want to begin thinking about my own problems...but maybe that's the problem. I care too much…"

Izaya was sleeping soundly, his hair peeking out of the covers. The sun was setting, and the birds had already flown away.

"And that's why my heart will never be steady for as long as I live."

* * *

><p><strong>Revised on May 24, 2012<strong>

**Ta mere suce le penis d'animaux pour l'argent** -**Your mother sucks animal cock for money**.

I would like to apologize for the late update. Your Christmas present will be another update, and for those who don't celebrate Christmas , think of it as a gift.

Thank you.

Feel free to skip this if you wish.

There was a time when my family was extremely poor. We lived in such small quarters, that if I were to compare it to the size of the room I have now, it would have been the entire house. The main house in the front were the landlords who we had to pay every month. Sometimes they raised the rent too high, and sometimes they kept it the same. I remember I used to spend my days outside in public library's, friend's houses and the occasional trip to a city hours away. I wanted to be anywhere but that place, in fact, I refused to call it my 'home' and instead called it a 'house'.

The people living there, well let's just say they weren't the most…considerate of people. Let's leave it at that, but I remember befriending the youngest daughter who was very troubled. She confided in me her deepest secrets and hobbies, needless to say she was a lot of trouble on my part. But I didn't mind that much, I guess I'm just the sort of person who just accepts those sort of things from others. There was this one incident though, I remember. It was late, around three in the morning when I heard my cell phone ring. It was my friend. I picked it up, quite confused and asked her where she was.

She was crying.

She said she had gotten high with some schoolmates and 'friend's at a nearby park, that she couldn't remember what had happened and that she was scared. I asked her if she was still in the same location. She said yes, and I told her to wait for me. I sneaked out of the house, making sure my parents were asleep and took a bike that my grandfather had given me.

So , in short, I pedaled for thirty minutes to the park she was in , at three A.M in the morning.

I scolded her as she had her arms around my waist (this was all why riding the bike.) I don't really remember much of what I told her, I was really sleepy, haha. But I what I do remember telling her was 'Are you stupid?' repeatedly. I think I also told her that she shouldn't worry her mother and father , that they would have a fit if they found out.

Her parents found out a while later. She was scared, and confused, so, she decided to blame it on me. So she fibbed on me to her parents, telling them that I was the one encouraging her behavior. My parents did not believe them, yet the parents did not forbid her from speaking with me. They just talked about me behind my back, but at the same time, I never told on her. Nor did I ever bring that incident up again.

So, you are probably asking, why did I write this? Well, do you think I was foolish? Did you think Masaomi and Aoba was foolish? You know, for going through all that for a friend. When you're young or old, I think adults and children are capable of showing extreme acts of loyalty. Or maybe you think it's stupidity? Is it wrong to put someone else's happiness before yours? Sure, what I did wasn't as dangerous as Aoba's or Masaomi's , but this is to make a point, haha. I just wanted to share this because I thought it would enhance this story somehow, but now rereading this it seems a bit silly...

Thank you again if you decided to read that!


	9. Feels

Masaomi does not leave Mikado's side after that.

They were silent for a while, the computer's keyboard clicking away. It was as if they were both embarrassed about their previous emotional outbursts, wanting to take their words all back. But what has already been spoken can't be unsaid. After a few pregnant pauses, the blonde stood up to go get a soda at the vending machine across the hall. Unfortunately, when he had stood up, in a fit of clumsiness tripped over Izaya's messenger bag.

Silence.

Mikado starts to laugh(covering his mouth) and slowly it overtakes him. Pretty soon, both of the adults began to lose it ( Except Masaomi, who felt a bit embarrassed ) , and just like that they began talking to each other again.

(It was always that easy.)

* * *

><p>Shizuo was in the cafeteria, walking toward his usual spot, the place everyone around him called 'Shizuo's table'. It was empty as usual, and it only seemed to inflate his bad mood. His lunchbox violently slammed down onto the table causing passerby to flinch and cower in fear. (They knew better than to be around that menace when he was in a 'bad' mood'). The main source of the boy's frustration was that Ryuugamine-sensei had not gone to class for the last past week. It made him irritated, and it made him worried. Countless times he asked his brother where the other was. "What's wrong with him? Why can't I go see him? I know where he lives..." But his brother could only blankly stare and say, "Grownup stuff."<p>

Kasuka always did that. He never sugar coated things, he just never said the whole truth. He was lying, yet it really wasn't (if that makes sense). Shizuo, he remembers when he was five? When he had turned to his brother after he had destroyed a whole car( the neighborhood kids were bullying him) and asked the other, "Do the other kids hate me?"

And Kasuka turned and shrugged, " They don't understand."

"But I never asked you if they understood me or not, I just asked you that if they hated me. Not answering, always dodging the bullet and saying 'half truths'. That's just as bad as lying."

The smaller of the two had both his hand clenched and waited for the elder to speak up.

"That's what elder brothers do."

"Do what?"

"Protect the smaller ones."

He thought Kasuka's statement was irrelevant and just accepted at that time as a 'Kasuka answer' but later on understood, and wanted to go back in time and tell him 'Thanks' instead of what he _did_ do, which was roll his eyes and wandering inside the house to eat some more yogurt.

He wasn't a kid ,dammit! But he puts these thoughts and memories aside and focused on the lunch box his mother made for him. It had all his favorite foods in there today, and just as he was opening the latch he noticed his mother cut apple halves into rabbits. He just stared as a hue of pink appeared on his cheeks. They were cute, but no way in hell would he ever say that out loud.

He ate those first.

* * *

><p>Sometimes Masaomi just stares at Mikado when he is preoccupied with something else. Like when he speaks, the blue eyed man always faces him fully and carefully. His friend's back always edged in his mind, like his brain was a photo album. He couldn't tell the other man this, but he always showed such a sad expression wherever he went (even if he was smiling) . Like, Masaomi could see the weight he carries fully, be it in a restaurant, or in the classroom teaching with Mikado's elegant hands on white chalk, it was always there and present. And who wouldn't be so depressed, He thought to himself. That was the face of a man who had accepted his destiny, he accepted that the world basically told him ' that is all I can do for you'.<p>

The man on the white bed continues to speak above a teenager that was sleeping quietly next to him. Mikado was speaking intently on the subject of the newest computer programs that surfaced the web a few days ago. "I'm making my own monster computer." He spoke excitedly. "I can't wait to add this new feature, it would go perfect with my system. " Masaomi nodded and pretended to understand when his friend spoke like this. He was always the intelligent one.

And then Mikado smiled. A rare small smile that made Masaomi question everything around. And in that moment, Masaomi imagined what would happen if he fell in love with him all over again.

"You know, " Masaomi gives him a grin that he uses on women at the bar. " I never told you this, but you were my first love Mikado."

The other rolls his eyes and says, "You were always like that, you always fell in love with everything." The blue eyed man reaches for water. "Wasn't your first love named Kimiko or Himeko?"

Now it was Masaomi's turn to roll his eyes. "No, I keep telling you, it was you! You were my first love, it's embarrassing to say, and I don't really know why I'm telling you this."

Mikado laughed as he drank the water and said "Well, I'm quite flattered? What do you want me to say? Won't Saki-san become jealous?"

An exasperated sigh.

"No, she doesn't get jealous at all...I don't get that girl. What about Kasuka? Does he get jealous? "

Mikado smiles, like it was some sort of secret and says, "Yes, but he gets jealous like a child . It's never with ill intention. "

"Ah, romance. It's hard but I can't live without you!" Masaomi places his hands together as if in prayer, a ray of light leaving him on a spotlight. "Hey, let's break up with Saki and Kasuka. It'll be just you and me and we can even leave our jobs if we want. We'll go traveling through Europe, it'll be our grand romantic adventure filled with passion, love and sex, lots and lots of sex. "

Mikado smiled while showing his teeth, cheeks flushed and said—

"You're making it sound like some cheesy French film."

It was a bit sad but Masaomi was half serious.

He continued on anyways. "And then we'll get our pictures taken side by side at all the museums and restaurants. We could leave photographs of ourselves in every hotel room and lobby so people can find it and wonder 'Why were they here?' They'll think ' Who were you?'"

"Alright," Mikado laughed. "Let's go right now. We'll go on my magical hospital bed."

At that statement Masaomi plopped himself on the bed (Away from Izaya of course )and landed right on top of Mikado.

"The I.V. bag could be the gas fuel." He made himself comfortable next to Mikado, making sure the blankets were on him and he had a good share of the pillow (the bed was quite big). "And aww shit, " He grabbed a remote in which to call the the nurses for help. " This could be the card keys."

"Well aren't you prepared? My transportation is cool isn't it?" Mikado turned his head to the side and beamed at his friend. "It can cross through water. We can pass by China if you want, then after that if we feel like it, to India. Then when we finish conquering Europe, we could go to America. You'd fit in immensely over there!"

The blond gasped. "We sure are busy guys!"

Mikado was laughing, trying his hardest not to get too loud in fear of waking up Izaya ( poor thing, he thought , he looked so peaceful.)

To Masaomi love was a leveler.

Love like Death makes everyone equal. It does not spare anyone; no one is exempt to it. In the short amount of time that he learned of his friend's condition he was torn between the two. Masaomi never had a time in his life that he wasn't in love with something. Be it a person, a food, a place or thing. But just up until recently, he found death to be a lot like love. It happens quickly and without warning. He kept thinking about those two subjects very closely.

Death, what could it do for him?

In death it can bring his friend at peace (meaning Masaomi would feel better that his friend wasn't suffering any longer), but it would cause him pain anyways. Mikado didn't have any great dreams that he wanted to fulfill, there wasn't anything grand like winning a noble peace prize or becoming a celebrity. (Then it occurred to him that he had never asked his friend what he had wanted to become when he grew older; then he wondered if Mikado had succeeded.) Thinking about it in a perspective that wasn't biased, Mikado didn't really have anything to lose.

But Masaomi wanted him to stay, because to him, Mikado was worth more than any of his valuables, more than his new car ( not that he'd admit it) and more than any other women. He was his true friend.

But what can love do for them?

_'What does love have to do with anything? I either accept death, or I don't. I've always accepted love.' _But truthfully, he hadn't loved the women he was with, what he loved was being in love. It was more like a hobby. (But he can't call it a hobby with his mother, father, cousins, friends ,Mikado, Kasuka, Anri and maybe that dirt bag Aoba.) How can he be in love, he wonders, if he really had no clue what it was?

They continued to imagine their 'Great European Trip' with sound affects and narration. At one point Mikado tried taking the 'keys' away from the other (I want to drive!) (No!) and they soon began playfully roughhousing.

"Alright, Mika-chan." Masaomi's eyes turned devious. "You leave me with no choice...SPIDERMASAOMI ATTACK!" He started tickling the others stomach causing Mikado to erupt in even more laughter. It reminded Masaomi of when they were kids. Even when Mikado was mute he would still tickle him, and when he would laugh, no sound came out. ( But the child- Masaomi loved that sound, it was like those dog whistles, it made a distinctive sound if that made any sense.)

"Just what is going on here?"

The two looked up from their compromising position, ( and thank god the nurse couldn't see Izaya under the covers). Masaomi was on top of Mikado, his legs in between the others , his hands at the other's side while Mikado's leg was exposed because of his night gown.

"Ah-"

"Did you call for assistance? We received a call from your remote."

And sure enough they were pushing down the button (they just weren't aware since they were laying on it).

"Ah , sorry." Masaomi sheepishly began. "I was just... playing and well-"

The nurse fixed her glasses as she walked back towards the door. "Say no more, but please try to keep those..type of activities to a minimum , this is a hospital not a sex shop."

When she left, the room was a bit quiet. The blonde looked at the darker haired male and pinned the other down on the bed fiercely , and in a deep voice said-

Now, should we continue where we left off, baby? I'll take you to the cosmos. "

That earned Masaomi a slap on the head and a light shove.

"Haha, Masaomi someday you'll be the end of me."

And he wished Mikado wouldn't have worded it like that.

"Rejected."

_Well, Izaya was up_. Masaomi rolled his eyes and climbed off the bed, all the while staring at the teen with the messy bed hair.

"And you? What are you doing here? This isn't a place to hang about you know? "

When the other merely stretched and yawned, he tried again. " Hey! I'm talking to you, you brat!"

Izaya opened one lazy eye, and exclaimed, "Ahnnnn, that was a nice catnap!"

"Catnap?" Mikado tilted his head. "Seems more like a tiger nap to me."

The teen chuckled and stood up, walking toward the restroom, throwing an empty water bottle at Masaomi in the process. ( Whoops, sorry.)

"Well," Mikado began. "I better start packing up, I'm being discharged at seven in the afternoon." But before the blue eyed man could get up a hand was placed on his shoulder causing him to sit back down again.

Masaomi swallowed.

"What would happen if I did fall in love with you?"

Both of their eyes met, blue with honey; and in that moment the world stood still. And the other smiles, a smile that took over his whole face (and Masaomi wanted to reach out and take a photograph of it) and said,

"You already are."

His heart skipped a beat.

"—But it's a different kind of love."

Masaomi wanted to tell him horrible things. He wanted to tell him exactly how he felt, how angry he was with things, he wanted to say the truth for once in his life and he didn't care if it hurt anyone's feelings. If Mikado were to die right now, then he wanted to have some kind of closure. _Because maybe there is a chance I won't ever get to tell you._

"You can't make yourself fall in love with someone Masaomi. I thought, after all this time you'd learn that."

Courage.

"Mikado…when you leave...I just want you to know…" He began fiddling with his thumbs. "I've always wanted to tell you this. When you die, I don't think I could ever love anyone ever again."

The only thing that could be heard were people walking towards different rooms, the sound of food carts being pushed. And Mikado, he didn't even look troubled; he looked like Masaomi was speaking to him about a new television show, and titled his head.

"And why is that?"

The blonds knuckles turned white and he couldn't muster the courage to look the other one in the eyes.

"Because I'm a coward and my heart is small."

He was expecting judgment (because he felt like he needed it) but instead was greeted with warm hands on top of his, and a head resting on his shoulder, and they seemed to say 'It's ok, I still love you.'

And that was all love could do for them.

* * *

><p>'Can I sit here?'<p>

Shizuo stared at a black I-phone, the Hiragana showing clearly the words she had wanted to say. What Celty Sturlson wanted to say. She was his history partner,right? What would she want with him at this time of day? Surely not the project, it wasn't due in weeks, or maybe she is the type to start things early?

Shizuo grunted in response, and the girl smiled and sat across from him, ignoring the looks everyone else gave her (She's sitting with the Monster!).

The blond continued to eat, his anger consuming him slowly, his eyes glaring at the food his mother packed for him.

"What do you want?"

He saw as she started to open her backpack, taking out her own store bought lunch, and she pointed to it, making gestures of eating food.

She wants to eat with me, he though. And his stomach felt funny and his hands began to lightly tremble. He was nervous, for this was the first time he had ever shared a meal with one of his classmates.

' I just wanted to get to know you. We're going to be working on our project anyway, and I wanted to ask you something.'

"What is it?"

She hesitantly picked up her cell phone again; she seemed to be in deep thought, analyzing what type of words she should use to get her point across. After all, she had wanted to talk to him for some time now. And this gave her an excuse to talk to him fully, under the pretext of the project of course.

'You seemed to be in a bad mood lately. I don't know why, but it just feels that way, no 'bad mood is too harsh...It's more like you are depressed.'

_This person is good at reading others_. He didn't say anything, so she took this as a sign to go on. She erased the previous message and wrote another.

'Is it about Mikado-sensei?'

He spat his milk out. "How did you know!" He shouted. How did she know? Did everyone know? Was he that easy to read?

The girl across from him seemed to be embarrassed and flashed her cell phone once again.

'Well, he hasn't come to school in days, and you two seemed pretty close...'

Shizuo's eyes widened slowly, and said carefully,

"We did?"

He began to smile absentmindedly, and Celty raised an eyebrow at this reaction.

'Yes, you were always his little helper in class. People get jealous of that, actually. Mikado-sensei is pretty popular don't you know? They even gave him a nickname as 'Moe sensei.' '

Shizuo was aware of this, and nodded.

'It's pretty scary since they even began making money off him, they take photographs and sell them. They are always in compromising positions, and I have no idea how they got them...'

It was the others turn to speak.

"How do you know this?"

She blushed and shamefully took out a small parcel from her backpack; she looked at it for a while until she began to imitate the hand motions of a cough.

'Because I purchased some.'

And sure enough there was Mikado in the school festival wearing a dress from the Drama club, ( they were doing a French inspired play) , Mikado in gym shorts subbing for a random teacher, and just plain Mikado smiling and bending over as he swept.

Shizuo complexion quickly darkened and his pants felt tighter.

'You like Mikado sensei a lot, don't you?'

When she said these words, her eyes widened, because what she saw, she was sure it was a rarity. Shizuo ( the boy who she heard of beating two whole gangs up in a bloodied frenzy, that psycho who with his monstrosity threw vending machines at others) smiled a tender smile, blushing lightly, his eyes were filled of uttermost respect –

"Like him?" He looks down shyly. "I adore him."

She continued to stare at him, and waited to see if he continued (for it piqued her interest.) Mikado sensei, I can tell why he's popular with everyone at school. He's kind, a great listener, and he is very patient with everyone. But, to have this much influence on someone deemed a 'monster' by his peers...He's a force to be reckoned with.

'" He...He was my first friend." Shizuo stated. "When I'm with him, the world around me, it's…brighter."

When he said this, what came to mind first was her friend, Shinra.

"I can't describe it, but it just does. When I'm with him everything is much more interesting. I went to a 100 yen store with him two weeks ago, and I go there all the time for school supplies. But he wanted to walk along all the aisles and he pointed out things I never thought were there and he was just so…bubbly. I don't know, when I'm with him I believe that the world is much kinder. I used to see life like a black and white movie, but then I saw everything in color. Everything became rose colored." He paused and looked at the white rice in front of him. "I know he is sometimes sad though, I can sense it. If I were to describe Mikado, he would be like the sea."

He then remembered that time they played around the beach, when he had cried and Mikado hadn't teased him for it, but instead gave him advice and let him vent.

'The sea?' Celty wrote.

"All the troubles that he has, he just takes them. Ever since I was a kid, I had some sort of this sixth sense, you can believe me if you want. I don't care." He huffed in indignation. He didn't like telling lies. "I can tell there is a storm inside him. So, yeah, Mikado is like the sea. All I can see is the 'surface' and how serene it is; it doesn't show anything else but that."

"But sometimes," He added. "The sea can become angry. Tsunami's, Typhoons, Floods."

And Celty only focused on the other. He had so much to say, but no one would listen to him.

"He changed my outlook on life, if it weren't for him I'd still get pissed off at every damn thing." He began to point at a kid across the cafeteria. "You see that? That kid is trying to open that marmalade jar, for the last past thirty minutes I don't even know why that little idiot would bring one to school in the first place! It just pisses me off, and if it was the old me, I would have socked him in his gut for his incompetence. Can't even open up a fucking jar of marmalade, can't even use his goddamn mouth to ask for help, for fuck's sake."

Celty raised her hands, to signal for him to 'stop'. He needed to calm down, and she was starting to get a little worried about her well being.

"Sorry, but see?" He placed his hands open wide on the table. As if there was something interesting to show in his palms (perhaps , besides also viewing the world in color now, his hands were also swept clean.)" The old me would have gone berserk back there, but…thanks to Mikado-sensei, I got better. "

"If he were to suddenly disappear one day... I think my world would lose its color. "

By this point, Shizuo was staring at his hands on his lap, they did not tremble, they stood still ( too quiet) . Then he raises his head.

" I wouldn't know what to do with myself. The world he has shown me, I want to stay here." He clenched his fists, his voice was hoarse. "I like it here. That's what's making me depressed."

Celty found it hard to believe, that this stern and strong boy could be so dependent on someone else. He looked like the type to keep to himself, but here he was talking about their history teacher and school idol like he meant the world to him.

Shizuo looked up to see the girl looking at him with interest and concern, (she looked just like Mikado did that first time they ever talked in that classroom over a few months ago.) Then he stopped. He just realized how much he had monopolized the conversation.

"I-I'm such an idiot. " He shoved some rice into his mouth. "You should have told me to shut up back there." He was afraid he had said too much, and he wondered why, why is it that talking to her could be so easy? She was mute (you'd think that would be a problem), but Shizuo didn't even view it as any sort of handicap. He saw it the same as those people who dyed their hair different types of colors. He didn't really care. "When I start I can't hold back, I can't control my mind. That's why I get so angry all the time."

'Whose mind is it that doesn't suffer a loud take over once in a while? '

"That's true." Shizuo said. "But mine does it constantly. I'm not aware of the run in my mind at all. That's why I break things, because if I break things I don't have to think…no…" He blinked. As if he had made some sort of realization or he had learned something new in biology. "I don't have to feel."

Silence seemed to make its presence known after the bold statement, the blonds eyes downcast, while the mute girl just looked at the other ( like she was forming some sort of assessment). The lunch room seemed to be very quiet, yet it was full with people.

Celty seemed to be in deep thought and proceeded to type out her words, and flashed the cell phone when done.

'Do you want to go to the sweets shop tomorrow after school?'

Shizuo blinked. It was a very blunt question, yet he couldn't help but feel like butterflies were fluttering in his chest. Threatening to fly out of him, or maybe they were just cocoons, still not fully developed yet and felt ugly and plain. (But hopefully, it was just change.)

'I like talking to you.'

[Advancement]

'What I'm trying to say is, I'd like it if we became friends.'

I'd like it

if we became friends

became friends

became friends

became friends

friends.

When he allowed the words to sink in through him, he felt like he had just experienced a metamorphosis. He then realized that maybe the reason he had always felt like a child was because he always felt 'stuck'. But just in this year, he had acquired two friends, and Shizuo felt like he had just lived an eternity. The friendship was doing him some good, he just knew it ( he hardly became angry , and he had even halted on destroying public property or objects in goliath proportions.) His hands shook less and less each day and-

So, no. He couldn't help but smile at the girl across from him. And she slowly smiled back.

Because that moment, they shared it together.

* * *

><p>When Mikado was discharged from the Hospital at seven o' clock sharp, he made sure his things were in order. Earlier that evening, he spoke sternly to Izaya (Make sure you get home early) and made sure to see him eat before he left. But of course Izaya only agreed to do as the other pleased if only, and only on the weekend he would help babysit his three little cousins. And if he Mikado let him sleep over.<p>

The elder agreed, because, for it's a fact, Izaya can be one manipulative bastard.

Mikado was dressed in white pants, brown men's shoes and a light blue cape coat. His breath could be seen in the air, who knew Ikebukuro could be freezing in February? He began to think about many things, like a year had passed by and gone. How he became close to some, and how can time pass by so quickly? He was almost out of time, he could feel it. That something was ending inside him.

But he lets go of this quickly as Shiki, his 'father' came to pick him up. Placing his luggage into the trunk, the two of them head toward his apartment.

* * *

><p>Mikado pours down some tea in a floral cup.<p>

"So how is your company?"

Shiki is sitting on the floor, criss-crossed, like some general in the feudal era. With elegance and demanding of respect. Mikado always remembered him to be an impressive man.

"It's doing fine, pharmaceutical practices are always in high demand."

The elder man enjoys the cup of tea, (he has been looking forward to the taste for quite some time now.)

"And what about …your other job?"

That other job was of course the underworld. Shiki never liked speaking about it with Mikado. He had wanted the other to remember his 'father' to be a decent man, not some Yakuza member. (Corrupt, dirty.) So he replies with a curt answer.

"It's doing fine as well." He places the teacup and saucer on the Kotatsu table." Mikado, if you need help in any financial matters I'll pay for everything. Leave your job if you want, I'll take care of you -"

The younger placed a hand in the air.

"You don't have to do that." He stirs some jam in his tea. " And besides, being a teacher right now gives me a reason to live."

Silence.

" It gives me a reason not to be sad about, well, everything. So please," He bows lowly at the other, his hands on the ground, pleading begging and in such a sad voice. "Before everyone wants to take care of me, please don't take that away from me."

Shiki could only stare at the others skinny and frail form as he continued to lay low.

"It seems the only reason you want to keep on living is for others. Not for yourself."

Mikado does not get up.

"Is that wrong?"

What's wrong and what's right?

Shiki couldn't judge, he never did. So he took another sip of his tea, and said,

"If you question yourself on your decision, it usually means you're seeking for assurance. Is that what you are doing?"

This time, Mikado stood up.

"No, I'm merely asking your opinion."

"I can't say."

Mikado liked, that Shiki was the type of father who let others think for themselves. Although, sometimes he wanted to be held by the hand.

"Orihara Izaya." The elder man stated, not quite looking at Mikado but looking at his reflection in the tea. "He goes to Raira High. I'm assuming he's one of your students since I saw him lounging around the hospital yesterday."

Everything seemed to connect for him.

"Yes " Mikado spoke cautiously, and a bit worried. "You've met before? Did he say anything strange to you?"

Shiki chuckled, "He's one of my underlings. I'm afraid what he says is the least of your concern."

This made the blue eyed man stop in his tracks, his eyes widened, and nervously began to stutter.

"For the pharmaceutical?" Eyes hopeful.

"For my other job."

Meaning to say, Izaya was working in something a child his age shouldn't be caught up in. Drugs, gangs, underworld.

"Izaya?" Mikado's mouth was dry, and it was sad this was the first time he used his first name. " But he's so young.. he...no he can't. No. "He raised his voice . "No. I won't let him!"

Shiki looked at Mikado, and said with his eyes ' You should have seen this coming.'

"He's one of our young and brightest." Shiki began to tap his small spoon. "He's a pro informant. He'll be top notch when he graduates high school."

Mikado didn't care if he was the best at it. He didn't think he should do that. So he voices his thoughts.

"But, why would you let him? He's just a child."

Eyebrows raised.

"He wanted to, isn't that enough? It's not my say when I just carry orders from the higher ups."

"So if they told you to shoot at a random man would you do it?"

Their eyes met.

"I would and I have."

Mikado knew it was wrong of him, to try to think that Shiki had never soiled his hands. But how could he not put the man on a high pedestal? Once upon a time, he was his whole world.

"Then...if they told you to shoot me would you do it?"

And the elder replied without skipping a beat.

"No, not you."

Eyes narrowed.

"That's not right."

And the other says something he keeps on repeating to himself every time he kills, and every time he tries to comfort someone about murder.

"Not all people's lives are equal."

The refrigerator's low humming could be heard.

"I didn't want for Izaya to be involved in the dark side of things," He spoke quietly. " He… he deserves much better! He can become something decent; he's smart, and he's good looking! He can become a model if he wanted to, or perhaps he can use his intelligence for business and finances or he could even become a talk show host. He has such charisma but he's just wasting it in the wrong things..."

Shiki began to imagine himself having a nice smoke in Mikado's balcony. Hoping the nicotine won't harm the flowers.

"It's not your place to try to save everyone."

Mikado didn't say anything.

"Just accept that people want to take care of you. Just accept it." Shiki stood up and opened the slide in door. "Because ever since you were a child, you were always the sort of person that you have to keep your eye on or they'll wander off into the woods and _'forget'_ to come back."

He lit up his cigarette, the fumes intoxicating the air. He turned up Mikado's small C.D. player and noticed the younger was listening to piano pieces. A small tune played.

"Today," Mikado said in a daze, his eyes not really looking at anything. "Masaomi-kun told me that he would never love anyone ever again if I died. Me and him, I think we are a lot alike."

Shiki looked up at the moon.

"I've died once, when my mother died. And since then, I've never truly loved anyone."

* * *

><p>Revised on May 24, 2012<p>

Okay, sorry for the cliffhanger!

I'm doing a Hitman Reborn story too! So please read it once you get a chance. Thank you for all the feedback, thank you, thank you, thank you.


	10. Like

As you grow older the relationships you have with others deepen.

For me, it was just the opposite of that. As I aged, I grew to love people less and less.

The people around me might probe me for answers, but who are they to ask that from me? I won't tell them, I'll never let anyone become close to me, not after my mother died. A piece of me became lost back then. _I lost it_. There are a lot of things that my 'close friends' don't know about me. And if I told them, I'm sure they'd be quite shocked or even a bit disappointed.

I understand people, I care for them, I go out of my way for others and am capable of genuine acts of selflessness, but _I do not love them._

I just can't, and frankly…I know I never will.

Here are a few things that they don't know about me…I learned all of the following bits of information from eavesdropping on my grandparent's conversations when they had company over, something I collected over the years. And then when I went to China, I collected everything that I had wanted to know by visiting my father who had deserted me since birth.

I learned that my mother, whom I loved very much, wanted to abort me when she became aware of her pregnancy. It was my father( whom I had such a strong disliking for when I was younger) who was the only one who wanted my birth. From the first few ultra-sounds the doctors knew that I would be born with defects and so my mother's family were firmly against my existence. Why bring a child to this earth only to suffer?

The moment I hopped into the city's bus to see my father in China , I filled myself with such daring. I was going to tell my father how much I despised him, how disappointed and hurtful I was about everything, (that if he would have stayed with me, maybe all those horrible things wouldn't have ever happened to me.)

I never told him any of these things.

The moment I stepped foot in his house, I realized it wasn't a house at all, it was a retirement home. He was completely senile, and he didn't even know who he was, much less his only son. He couldn't eat properly; he could only smile and defecate on himself. I couldn't hate him, I can't hate him, because when I peeled apples for him and when I fed him some nice hot soup the nurses gave me, I learned to care for that side of my father. I understood him.

The only other person who visited my senile father was a cousin who kept him company. She wanted to repay my father who had given her money when she wanted to leave her hectic family life. She paid her rent all thanks to my father and was supported by him for many years. She told me later on, that she was certain my father helped her to ease his guilt of not being there for his son, for abandoning him. I never found out why he ran out on my mother, or perhaps my mother ran out on him. I don't really care much for that anymore, I just reasoned with myself they were 'adult things' , that things happen and we can only accept them. ( Like I always do.)

My father never called me 'Mikado' but he called me 'Hiromi'. My mother's name. I must have looked a lot like her, and it's a bit sad, I can't recall her face not one bit. It's just blank and that is perhaps I was blind when I was younger. The only thing I remember was her voice. Her voice sounded far away all the time and when she spoke about me to others I hated when she would encourage them to give me their sympathy. She made me feel like I was a clown in the circus, a fee for every view. I'm sure people would judge me for thinking this way, but they aren't me. They don't even have the slightest idea what is helplessness or sorrow.

I visited my father every day until he died, the nurses told me he died calling for 'Hiromi'. He was asking her to 'please change the channel'. I wonder if that was all to my father's life, always calling for a person that would never answer him back. At his funeral I buried him with one of my mother's jewelry boxes, playing old traditional records of bandits and princesses.

If my father found happiness in calling for my mother's name, I guess the time that I'm happiest is when I pretend I don't know myself. That was the reason why immediately after my graduation from high school, I left to travel. Every two months I switched to different regions of China. I wanted to experience everything you could in this great big land, so I was constantly living a fast and willful life. And why shouldn't I? It is inevitable that my life will be unbearably short compared to others, so why shouldn't I live it fast? I shouldn't complain for there are many stillborns in this world. They were never born, but I at least was.

At that time, when I was a teenager straight out of high school, I thought like this—'I have lost many things, things that I can't get back, things that have no name. In my travels I have learned, that in this world nothing belongs to anyone, so if nothing in this world belongs to me, then why am I wasting my time feeling sad about these things that aren't mine?' That sort of thinking process, I have come to find out is a very juvenile and innocent way of thinking…I was only trying to rationalize the things that happened to me. That was my coping mechanism. To devalue myself as well as my life.

Our lives, I thought at that time…we put value to them because of the things that we have. It makes us what we are, but when nothing belongs to me, that is when I can truly return to nothing. I can travel to my heart's content and not be Mikado, the boy who was born blind, ill, and mute. I'm not Mikado. I'm a man who is a well-rounded person who is sympathetic and cares for others. A person who is the lover of photographs and botany, mixed with gardening.

When I'm in a familiar setting, the people around me don't let me be anyone else except 'Mikado'. They constantly remind me about my health, how I need to be cared for. I am capable of taking care of myself, I don't need you to drive me around like some cripple, I don't need you to buy me a house and I certainly don't want your money.

This world is not mine.

Have you ever felt this way Izaya-kun? The feeling of being completely and utterly alone even within a crowd? I'm sure you have. Shizuo-kun feels it too, but for him, he was born with a kind and pure heart, with the right direction he can become someone grand. But you and I are different. I just know it; I just feel it at the bottom of my stomach where my kidneys might explode at any moment, that me and you were born with a difficult fate.

While you love the 'humans' and are fascinated by their sick and twisted emotions and actions( or at least you say you do), I am frightened. I am so frightened I can't let anyone else become close to me. Now this might come as a shock to you Izaya-kun, but think about it really…

_When have I ever told you anything about myself when I was alive?_

I didn't want you to know me; I didn't want to be known as Mikado because I wish I was born as someone else. Why…why was I born? The only answer I can come up with is to suffer.

And I will accept this punishment because I deserve it.

I am a bad person, Izaya-kun. You still have the power to change, you and all your young classmates. Shizuo has already begun to change; he is morphing into something quite stunning. Yet you, you're like a rose. You are very nice to look at, but you have visible thorns. You have taken shape, but you still haven't bloomed.

I am a terrible adult and all I do is use others. How do I use others? I use them to try to feel something. Anything. Even though I am frightened of the world, I am also frightened of what I have become. As each day became a month and every month became a year, I felt myself caring less and less. When the change was barely starting I became wary, since I knew that emotional development wasn't normal. I researched a bit on it and the closest thing I could label it as was 'blunt effect' or 'flat effect'. In a dictionary it said 'It is symptomatic of schizophrenia, depression, or brain damage. It manifests as a failure to express feelings either verbally or non-verbally, especially when talking about issues that would normally be expected to engage the emotions. Expressive gestures are rare and there is little animation in facial expression or vocal inflection.' I could fake my facial expressions perfectly and I mastered it in a few years. Come to think of it, that sounds a lot like Kasuka…

So at that time I thought, the Gods had taken my sight and voice when I was born, and now this, my heart? Why couldn't I feel anything? I thought. Why couldn't I become close to others and show them the 'true me'?

Is it because of rejection? No. Is it because of hate? No._ It is because they might forgive me_. Yes.

The only reason I want to help others, is to make my pain seem less. I don't want to think about my issues. My issues, if I think about them too long, would kill me faster than the illness I have. I guarantee it. The reason I forgive others, the reason I receive everyone's rage, is because I want someone to forgive me. And that's why I hate myself, because I am selfish. I believe that the majority of people are good because they don't hate me, someone that shouldn't be alive. But I know I should never be forgiven. I don't deserve that much kindness.

I just want to be happy.

That reminds me about something Masaomi said in High School. It was on the day my grandparents died, they died when I brought them their evening tea. It was a peppermint. That's why a while ago when you invited me over to your house I politely declined when you served me some. I don't like to drink it for it reminds me of gentle old hands that looked like bark and voices that brought me comfort on stormy nights.

In the funeral, Masaomi told me out of nowhere, "Maybe the reason god had made you blind was because he likes you."

I didn't know what to say, and before I could reply , Kasuka, who you probably know by now that he was my lover( all the way to my time of death) , came and pushed Masaomi on the ground .

"Masaomi." He said and I knew that look in his eyes meant he was cross. Masaomi knew this too, but he just looked at the floor, and after some time looks up at me.

" God…He wanted to save you from seeing the horrible things in this world."

When he told me this, I was a bit confused and it donned in me somehow. An epiphany.

Did I make the gods angry somehow?

They are probably angry, I thought at that moment, they are angry about something I did. They are angry with me because even though they have gifted me with sight and voice, I still want more. The thing that I ask for is happiness, and that is why I am at fault. I ask for too much. I don't deserve to be happy, I'm cruel, I use others…maybe this is why the other kids make fun of me.

Maybe that's why I'm suffering.

As I am typing the 'past me's' thought's I am quite embarrassed. When you look past at your youth, you'll think and wonder ' why would I do that?' , 'why did I do that?', you'll think about things that you just want to forget. I don't claim to be a religious person, nor do I look down on other's who do. If It makes them happy, they should believe in what they want to believe. So when I came to that conclusion, I don't even know why it came up to that. Perhaps because I was raised by overly religious Shinto grandparents I thought that way…come to think of it you like religion a lot, right Izaya-kun? In class you were always the first to ask questions and debate with me on religious wars and about the differences in religion in various cultures. Perhaps in college you may look into that.

Throughout my years I've witnessed my friends going through such great lengths for a cure to my illness, or new ways in prolonging my time in this earth. But whenever they presented me with a new herbal medicine ( that I knew wouldn't work) or new diet books ( that I knew wouldn't work) or new doctors ( that I knew wouldn't work) I smiled happily. I smiled happily because even if I can't feel anything my friends will. I could never tell them that, despite their efforts- the truth is… I just want to die.

Perhaps the only one out of my group of close friends who came close to scratching my exterior was Aoba. You've met him a couple of times and I know both of you dislike each other. You two dislike each other because you two are so much alike. Actually, the three of us are alike. Me, you and Aoba. We are alike because we have something missing inside of us.

With Aoba, I could show more of my 'true self'. He wasn't like anyone I had ever met and vice versa. Although he does not seem like it, he had a very desperate personality and it showed through his actions. He clung to me so tightly, just like you do. He clung tight to my heart trying to find warmth, yet he did not find any. He knew I didn't judge others, so he immediately felt overbearingly comfortable. Aoba on the inside is pitiful and insecure, this was established, I think, by his parents that might have well been strangers. Having parents does not really impact your way of life, good parents or bad parents do. So even if you don't have any parents, it does not mean you'd end up a psychopath, it doesn't mean a thing.

As me and Aoba's friendship strengthened, he began to hold my hand regularly. He held my hands at school, in town, at home. He always sat next to me, sometimes on top of me. On trains he would sit on my lap. I didn't push him away, but I didn't initiate it either. Sometimes when we were alone he cried for no reason, sometimes he would laugh uncontrollably and thrash everything in the vicinity. He would often destroy his room, smashing things that were replaceable. It was frightening, but I just looked at him when he did it. I accepted him.

Once he had slit his wrists in the bathtub, he was staring at thin air and I was the only one who knew. That was the night I had rejected him over the phone. Of course I knew he was going to do something overly dramatic, so I headed there as soon as he called ( Aoba never calls, he meets up with you). His parents weren't around as usual, so I had opened the door without permission. Sure enough, when I pulled back the shower curtains he was just there spilling his blood on the bathtub. They weren't deep cuts, just barely scratched the surface, yet the blood continued to spread because of the water.

"What are you doing here?" He had asked me that night as I sat on the toilet seat.

"Aoba, me and you are going to have a little chat."

All I did was tell him how I saw the world, what I felt and what I couldn't do for him. I couldn't love him. After that, he acted like nothing happened. His confession never happened, his suicidal and depressive actions long forgotten. I saw improvement in his behavior from that day on….

I'm really sorry I am all over the place. It's just that there is so much content I want to cover Izaya-kun, I mean after all, this is what you will inherit from me after my death (or I should hope so). How are you liking my Monster computer? It's neat isn't it? I've spent most of my life upgrading it and personalizing it .I'm sure someone interested in high tech machinery and gadgets like you would make use of it.

Mikado stopped typing on his computer and looked at his computer screen. 3:34 am. He saved the document in his desktop and entitled it 'To Izaya-kun'.

His fingers hover over the keyboard once again.

' But that was the old me Izaya-kun, The old me thought of the world like that. But since I've come to Ikebukuro, I've changed. And it's all thanks to the people supporting me in my life; all of you have helped me like myself, just a bit though. You and Shizuo-kun, the class, being back here, my friends, my imminent death, it's helped me cope. It's helped me move on. All of you have helped me learn how to love..just a little bit. Sure, things still hurt me, but I have come to realize, the world...is a beautiful place. My eyes are letting off the same feelings as many years ago, when I was able to see for the very first time. Everything is kind, it's like I received a gift. I just want you to know that. I just want you to know I am falling in love with every single thing'

The blue eyed man's eyes crinkled like he was smiling but wasn't, it was too sad. " Or so I hope." He said to himself.

* * *

><p>It was the beginning of a new day in Raira High School. Students arrived early; some were rushing to their period classes. In class 3B everyone was sitting in or on their desks, chatting it up. Since their History teacher Ryuugamine Mikado hadn't come for over two weeks the only thing they expected was a new substitute.<p>

Izaya knew better.

He walked inside the classroom, being greeted by a few girls who had a romantic interest in him, greeted Shinra and smirked at Celty. He continued to walk to his seat, the one next to Shizuo and did something unexpected. He began to talk to the blond.

"Hello, Shizu-chan!" Usually Izaya and Shizuo never greeted each other, but during the lesson sent insults and retorts back and forth.

Shizuo didn't even grace him with an answer and looked out the window.

"Guess who I saw yesterday?" The dark haired youth placed his notepad on the desk. On the cover it had a heart drawn in the middle of it, inside of the heart it said 'Ryuugamine Mikado + Orihara Izaya'. Shizuo grimaced, 'how girly.' But he still did not respond. The blond took out his textbook from his backpack, as if Izaya didn't exist.

"Mikado-chan, that's who!" When Izaya had said this, his grin became wider, especially when he saw the way Shizuo's eyes widened.

"What did you say, you stupid flea?"

The noise level of the classroom was a little above average, their voices insignificant to the laughter and voices of over excited teenagers.

"I visited Mika-chan at the hospital yesterday. But—oops!" Izaya put a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide. " Maybe I wasn't supposed to tell you that, after all Mika-chan doesn't want anyone to know. He only told me. So let's keep this a secret , kaykay?"

Shizuo didn't trust the other boy not one bit, and just as he opened his mouth ( and perhaps raise his fists) to call out the other's bullshit, the door opened.

It was Mikado.

He looked the same as always, but he looked much thinner, paler, frail. He smiled delicately at his students, now all jumbling to their seats. The moment he walked inside the room the classroom became quiet and anxious. Their teacher was back!

"All of you were well behaved, I hope?" The man began to walk in front of the class, his blue eyes shone in good humor. "If not, I'll have to give all of you detention!"

His students laughed, and much to the surprise of Mikado, the whole class came up to his desk and began to demand an explanation for his absence.

"You were out for so long!" Shinra, the eccentric kid with glasses shouted. Another boy with sandy blond hair butted in, squishing the boy with the glasses to the side. He was part of the 'Otaku gang' Mikado noted.

"We thought you died!"

Everyone in the classroom laughs, including Mikado. Because really, wasn't that such a preposterous idea? The only one who hadn't laughed, or ran up to the teacher's desk was Izaya. Izaya just had his hand on the side of his face, smiling at everyone.

"I was out." Mikado laughs, and some of the teenagers in the classroom pouted.

"No fair, teacher!" It was like this for a bit, everyone had a chance to chat or greet their teacher one by one and returned to their desks. Some of the girls in the classroom were giddy, for they had asked for hugs (and it was well known the blue eyed teacher couldn't say no). Then it was Shizuo's turn, his palms were sweaty but his heart began to beat loudly. Like drums of war.

"Ah, Shizuo-kun." Mikado smiles at him and Shizuo discreetly turns a bit red. "It's been a while hasn't it? I'm sorry for my absence. Things…just happen. You're a good boy, so I'm sure you did well with your substitute teachers."

Shizuo's vision was on the floor and he does not respond to the other, and before he could stop himself his hands are already spreading for a hug. Although, when he is at a certain distance, he stops in his tracks and retreats back. If he were to hug Mikado, Shizuo thought, his strength would hurt the other. That was why he stood his distance from people, that was why he hadn't held his mother since childhood.

But when he walked away, he felt a pair of hands wrap him in an embrace. It took him a few seconds for him to fully digest it, but sure enough Mikado was hugging him. In front of the class no less! Shizuo saw the class out of the corner of his eyes, but everyone was busy with their own conversations, homework and all around goofing off. But there was Izaya, who still smiled but had a dark look in his eyes. They were angry.

He smelled the other's scent and knew it to be of Mikado's. He wanted to hug him back, he really did, but he didn't want to hurt him. So, Shizuo decided to keep his hands at his sides where they would be of no harm to anyone.

"I'm glad you're back." Shizuo smiled , his voice muffled by Mikado's chest. Mikado ruffles the other's hair, and he does not even comprehend the amount of power he has over the other's life.

"Sorry for worrying you," The elder man lets the other go. "I hope you aren't angry with me."

Shizuo looked up, his eyes only shining in admiration.

" O-Of course not stupid! You gotta tell me where you were…Kasuka..he..he didn't tell me anything…"

Shizuo looked up to meet the elder man's eyes, they looked like the mysteries underneath the sea.

"I'll tell you later." Mikado turns to the chalkboard. "But for now, turn to your seat. Let's begin the lesson shall we?"

* * *

><p>Mikado's class periods continued without any disturbance throughout the day. The young teacher picked up where he left off, writing notes on the board with precision and absolute clarity. He was made for teaching.<p>

Just as he was straightening his desk for lunch he heard a knock on his door. The dark haired man's eyes fell on the now opened door to see Masaomi's waving at him.

"Yo, Mikado." The man greeted. He lifted his other hand to showcase a plastic bag. "I got us some lunch. Sushi, it's ok right? Anri-chan said seafood is ok for you to eat."

Mikado placed his notebooks in his brown satchel. Kasuka had given it to him as a gift on their first date many years ago. It made him smile for a bit.

"Thank you, Masaomi-kun." Mikado slightly bowed as he reaches for a textbook." Let me just get the rest of my things packed. We'll eat at the teacher's room if you like."

Masaomi stared at the black haired man, how his actions seemed so fragile. His hands trembled as he reached for his items; his eyes were unfocused and wavering. How could he think, Masaomi thought, that he was ok? How could anyone not notice?

"Lemme get that for you," Masaomi didn't even wait for the other's response. He just grabbed everything on the desk and crowded it in the brown bag. "I'll carry it, let's just go I'm hungry."

"Masaomi…" The blue eyed man breathed, his face dull and a bit hurt. "I-"

"MIKA-CHAN!"

The two adults turned their heads to the sound coming from the balcony. They found Izaya with one of his arms supporting the side of his face, his body outside the window_. He most have obviously climbed,_ Masaomi thought,_ but this is the second floor!_

"Orihara-kun! Come inside this instant! How did you manage to climb all the way up here?" Mikado walked up to the window ledge while Izaya stood outside, his feet balanced by small foot space. The boy smiled a fox's smile at his teacher, all sly with mischievous intentions.

"The love that is between us has gifted me with super strength!" Izaya dramatically declared." I've become Spiderman!"

"Hey!" Masaomi jabs his finger accusingly at the other. "There can only be one SpiderMasaomi!"

Mikado rolled his eyes. "Anyways, what was so important that you had to climb all the way up here just to tell me?"

At that, Izaya maneuvers his whole body through the window in one swift motion, landing on his feet like a cat. An acrobat. " I'm holding an exhibit with the Robotic's Club, come and see my genius Mika-chan! I was in charge of programming and building of the machinery. I told you about it weeks ago but _somebody_ had to get sick."

At this the blue eyed man faltered. " Ah, I'm sorry Orihara-kun. But I don't think I'll be able to make it right now." The teenager's smile disappeared, leaving behind a look that pertained to a spoiled child's face, a boy that couldn't attain the toy that they had wanted from first sight.

" But you said you would go!" Izaya huffed through his nose. "You're breaking a promise to me Mika-chan? I'll just die if you won't come!"

Masaomi stepped in between them, the protector and the knight in shining armor in himself kicking in. For he always played that role when it came to Mikado. " Hey, cool it brat. He just came back from the hospital. He needs to keep it easy. Big crowds aren't for him right now."

" I'm sorry Orihara-kun ,but I don't think me being around crowds right now is such a good idea…" The blue eyed man looked a bit guilty when he saw the teenager upset ( fake albeit). "-but we can go on a date after school, how does that sound?" At the mention of this, Masaomi's mouth dropped and his eyebrows twitched, in contrast to Izaya who's smirk widened to an inhumanly degree, his crocodile tears returning to his eye sockets.

"Well now that that's settled— I'll see you later Mika-chan! I'll come pick you up in the last period!" And before Mikado could scold the teen ( to get down from the building and into the courtyard the normal way) Izaya let himself drop. Masaomi rushed toward the window, confused and a bit worried, but then sees the flexible teen doing a handstand with his smooth landing. He even added some cartwheels to impress Mikado, but all it did was worry Mikado more ( _oh no, what if he falls in a middle of one and breaks his neck? What if he falls on his face_?)

'F_riggin twizzler,_' thought Masaomi. '_Bending and twisting himself and everyone around him._"

He shut the windows with a strong force.

"So what's this about a '_date'._" Masaomi's brown eyes looked sly and unamused. Both of the adults were walking toward the teacher's lounge, the blond held the door as Mikado entered.

" Well, it is a date! Aren't we having a date right now? Our lunch date!" Mikado sat down on the table closest to the entrance, the one near the refrigerator and his desk.

Masaomi placed the bag in between them and sighed. "I guess… now let's get to the eating. I'm so fucking starved!"

"Language." Mikado warned as he stabbed the other's forehead lightly with his chopsticks.

The two friends hadn't had lunch together in a long time. At least not 'real food' as Masaomi put it, not hospital food. Just as soon as Masaomi licks his chopsticks and slaps a big grin on his face, the door slides open.

"Mikado-sensei?"

Shizuo stood at the doorway looking down at his shoes, as if they were most important thing in the world. He had his hands behind his back and twisted his right foot occasionally. He was the image of a young school boy with his heart on his sleeve and not knowing what do with it all.

Mikado smiled at the table while Masaomi sighed ( very rudely) and began to groan. He wanted to begin hitting his head on the table repeatedly.

"Yes, Shizuo-kun? Would you like to join us in our lunch?" Mikado offered to the boy at the door entrance.

" Would that be alright?" Shizuo's tongue felt foreign for he hardly ever used polite forms of speech. His casualty in his speech patterns seeping through him.

"Of course!" Mikado turned to Masaomi frowning face. " Masaomi won't mind!"

"Actually," The blond teacher stood up, collecting his sushi and eating utensils." I just remembered I promised to do lunch with the hot P.E teacher. You guys go ahead."

Masaomi stood up, but not before meeting eyes with his childhood friend. One of Mikado's eyebrows was raised.

"Oh, and what about Mikajima-san?"

At this Masaomi falters, Shizuo enters and pretends to not be interested. The young boy sits on the chair the elder was previously seated ( Gross you left it warm!) ( Take it or leave it mini-kasuka.) After some time, the blond man turns around and says—"It's not cheating if I'm just talking to them right? Hehehehe…"

He shuts the door with a friendly wave, and as soon as he shuts the door Shizuo asks Mikado a question.

"Why are you friends with that lecher?"

Mikado just smiles.

* * *

><p>Shizuo paid more attention to Mikado rather than his food. And after all the time he spent daydreaming on when his teacher would come back , he could only think at this precise moment how different Mikado looked. He looked sick.<p>

Every motion he did with his hands took a tedious amount of time, he looked tired as if he hadn't slept in days and he chewed painfully slow. Even eating seemed too much of a labor for him. Shizuo then remembered that time his little cousins and Mikado went out to eat at a family restaurant, that time Shizuo asked the other about his health. There was something about it in the back of Shizuo's mind that left him with a feeling of absolute dread. Apples rotten to the core.

"You were gone for so long…" Shizuo placed his fork to the side of his plate( he was eating curry). "Where were you?"

The adult in front of him did not react to this question, he continue to chew his food slowly. "I was at the hospital."

Panic.

"You're sick?" The blond teenager began to tremble and grabs the edges of his seat slowly, he hoped to calm himself down and keep his outbursts under control.

"I am. But maybe…" Mikado looked at the other's eyes. "I think it would be best to tell you at another time. Not because I don't trust you, but it's because I'd like to tell you in my own time. Is this alright with you Shizuo-kun? I humbly apologize."

Just hearing this from the elder man's lips made him blush with embarrassment, to even think, Mikado thinks of him so highly that he'd like to make time just to have a conversation with him! Shizuo was surprised and happy that he'd be worth so much to someone, it didn't matter that the news would be grave, just these simple acts lead him toward an endless pit of joy. Secret sharing.

"I-it's fine. I'm not pressuring you or anything!" The boy waves his hands around the place, like he was washing windows.

Mikado smiled. "Thank you."

Shizuo then talked about all the little changes and events that happened in Mikado's absence and all in all, Shizuo was a bit surprised. A few months back he could have never even imagined himself to talk this much to someone, but after going to shops after school with his new found friend Celty, he learned to be more friendly, he learned to be comfortable with himself for a bit.

"Ah , I see." The elder man cleans his plate off the table . "So then what happened next?"

"Well, I got the job of making the doughnuts. That's the only thing you taught me how to make so far." The blond boy remembered their baking adventures one rainy afternoon. Mikado had visited Kasuka for some reason or the other and as soon as Mikado had the chance he invited Shizuo to bake with him. "They're selling them right now at the booths."

Shizuo pointed downward to the courtyard of the school filled with flocks of adolescents enjoying the school festival. It was a pre-school festival, a set up and preview of the end of the year festival that was to come. Mikado observed the students trying out the goldfish scoop, the fortune telling scoop and lastly, his eyes focus on a familiar red shirt. Izaya.

He was with Kishitani ( Mikado noted) and was charming everyone with his good looks to make their booth the most popular.

"He's doing quite well." Mikado didn't need to say Izaya's name Shizuo knew who 'he' was.

The blond boy's bangs covered his eyes, his hand holding a spoon on the table. "Sometimes...I want to be a bit like Izaya."

This came as a surprise to the blue eyed teacher. Mikado tilted his head ever so slightly.

"Ah, really? Why would you want that, Shizuo-kun?" The blue eyed man asked this with his usual soothing voice, the one he knew that always worked on others.

"Cause he's smart." The blond haired boy said shyly, he looked outside the window and viewed Izaya tapping away at his computer at the Robotics club booth. Shizuo saw the gadgets all moving about and the gasps all praising the time and genius spent on making such machinery." Really smart." He added briskly.

Mikado nodded, wanting the other boy to continue.

"I may not be that smart," Shizuo confided in a low voice, as if troubled by the thought of someone overhearing them. "But I got heart." At this time the blond's eyes are firm, certain and young and honest. Mikado was reminded of a young Masaomi, so innocent and knightly, a real prince.

Mikado couldn't help but smile, the midday sun shining behind him giving the room an ethereal look. A pain suddenly hits his chest, whether it was the pain of nostalgia or the pain of his insides he did not know.

"That is the part I like best of you Shizuo-kun, your courage."

The two cleaned up soon after that, but Shizuo left with another happy memory of the other. One of the most cherished memories of his first love.

These moments would come to an end very soon for they were the calm before the storm.

* * *

><p>After school Izaya had waited for Mikado just like he had told him. Both of them decided to watch a movie at the elder man's apartment but would stop for a coffee and snacks. It felt like déjà vu for both of them, because the first time they ever shared each other's company they did the exact same thing. They even went to the same convenience store and sure enough, Izaya asked for the same sour candies that tasted like watermelon.<p>

They crossed the same streetlight in which they talked about Izaya's 'indecent activities'. And Mikado cherished every moment of it, the feeling of Izaya's arms latching on to him as he blabbed about everything, the sound of their footsteps in rhythm, because he knew that it would be very soon when he could no longer do any of these things.

Something inside of him will end very soon. The world that did not belong to him would soon end.

* * *

><p>"What movie will we watch today?"<p>

Mikado asked this from the kitchen, he was preparing the popcorn and the drinks. The star shaped ice clinked softly as he placed them in two cups. Izaya was having iced coffee, as usual and Mikado had some green tea in his. Their movie night ( which became a routine in a few weeks) were filled with Avant-garde movies or artsy sort of films. Of course Izaya chose all of the films, but sometimes he chose the cheesy old horror movies from the eighty's like 'Killer Clowns from Outer Space' and 'Night of the Demons'.

Izaya was setting up the DVD player and blew on the CD entry.

" It's called Funeral Parade Of Roses—"

This made Mikado smile from the kitchen.

"Wow! One of my favorite films. I saw it while in College, it left a lifelong impression on me."

Izaya raised an eyebrow, always smiling.

"Someone like you likes this film? Ha. Very surprising, Mika-chan. Considering it's about a transvestite with a wicked past."

"The ending was such a twist." The man placed the small tray of treats between them. " Father and son were both lovers but the both of them didn't know!"

"How kinky!" The dark haired teen laughed. " This makes me think strange things about you Mika-chan!"

Mikado looked for the remote control.

"How so?"

"I mean, you don't have a girlfriend." Izaya counted on his fingers. " You say this is your favorite film while most men would feel queasy just thinking about it. It's very gratuitous in the sex scenes too, are you perhaps…a homosexual?"

"No." Mikado spoke. "No, I'm not." He couldn't possibly explain it to Izaya, that the reason he was with Kasuka wasn't because he was man, he was with him because he made him feel safe.

" Mika-chan you don't have to lie to little ol' me!" The teen crossed his legs. " It could be our secret."

The adult knew the conversation was bordering on dangerous so he changed the subject quickly. He turned on the television as it was loading the disc.

" How was the robotics club?"

"It was idiotic."

"Oh? You seemed to be having so much fun there."

"Why would I like being there? They are all jealous little humans." Izaya reached for some popcorn. "They all hold resentment towards me because of my intelligence."

Conceited much? Mikado thought.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well they sabotaged my machine. They broke it apart right before show time. I had to borrow Shinra's for my demonstration."

This made Mikado pause the movie, his face contorted to disgust and concern. He turned to face the younger who didn't even seem like it bothered him. In fact, it looked like he was talking about the weather, nothing but cloudy skies tonight!

" Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Orihara-kun." Sadness laced his voice. "Why didn't you tell me? Or why didn't you tell the supervisor of the event? Your teammates had no right to do that!"

"It's fine." Izaya smiled sweetly. "You were worried about me, huh Mika-chan? But it's ok, he received something much worse."

At this, Mikado gulped.

"What happened to him?"

"I just beat him up, jeez, Mika-chan you don't think I killed him did you? I mean, I won't kill him for something as petty as that. But pretty soon after that, I realized that everyone besides Shinra-kun was behind the betrayal."

"The whole club?" Mikado asked astonished. He knew there had to be other factors that made Izaya this way. Izaya felt ostracized from his teammates and perhaps, this was one of the leading factors in his behavior. If he would only push him a little more, he could get to the bottom of this. He was running out of time, the hourglass already half full.

"So everyone hates me? _I don't have any friends really_, that's funny!" The red eyed boy began to laugh lightly, his eyes dis-focused and a hand on the side of his face, as if trying to keep himself together. Like a puzzle.

Mikado just looked at the other, a sad look in his eyes because he knew what it was like to be utterly and completely alone.

"When you laugh I become frightened and unsteady because I'm not sure what I should do." The adult twiddles with the tablecloth. "I'm not sure what I should say. And what frightens me the most is that I often think that laughter sound like screams. Your laughter sounds like screaming."

Izaya smiles and closes his eyes. There is a moment of silence; branches hit the window lightly, the wind playing a concerto for the two emotional unstable people in the room. The very alike people in the room. Two halves of an apple coming from the same core.

"Then why do you continue reaching out for me? Why is it that you make me want to search for you?"

The concerto hit its peak.

" Because, Izaya," Mikado closed his eyes. "You're brilliant and crazy and bitter—"

The black haired boy laughed out loud. "What other compliments do you have for me?"

"And delusional…but that's what makes me love you. That's what makes you so human."

At this, for the first time in Mikado's life had he ever seen the boy confused. It was quite comical actually, that look was so foreign to the know-it-all boy who scored 100 percent in all his exams, the Einstein. Because regardless if Izaya knew what E = mc2 was, there was nothing he knew about compassion or love. No matter how much he talked about love or read about it, if he didn't put it into practice (much like studying for mathematics and science) it would result in failure. Just saying ' I love you' millions of times, doesn't make it true. Mikado knew this, love was learned.

"What?" Izaya blinked.

"I don't know what you're looking for Izaya-kun… but all I feel is that if you continue this way it will only be your downfall that you'd find." The blue eyed adult recomposed himself and laid his palms on the table. "I don't know why would you want to work for my father Shiki, but it's something…that I would never wish on anyone. Why would you want to work for the Yakuza?"

"Because it's fun." Is all the boy said without any shame. "I chose this life for myself."

"I find that hard to believe—" Mikado spoke " That someone with options would want that sort of life. This sort of thing is for people that have no way out. But you, you're young. You can change…"

But right when he says this Izaya jumps on the table and in one swift move pins the elder man on the floor. Mikado does not struggle, he just blinks and looks at the ceiling, as if he were bored to death.

"Hey, Mikado-kun. I feel so alone. I'm so lonely."

At this, the blue eyed man trembles because he feels a hand wandering where they shouldn't be.

"Don't touch me there! You have no idea what you're doing!" With all of the strength he could muster Mikado had enough to throw the teen toward the couch. A form of rejection took place in the apartment that night.

"Well, Mika-chan, if you don't want to help me—" Izaya made himself comfortable on the couch, his head leaned all the way back. "I'll just take care of it myself." Izaya reached down to undo his belt, his hands already undoing his belt buckle leading to his own self destruction. The adult stared in horror and dashed toward the other's side and grabbed Izaya's hands in an attempt to stop the other. (The younger found that cute, the angry face of the other so he let Mikado think he could win in a fight of physical strength).

"Orihara-kun! Stop it!"

Izaya just grinned, his pearly whites showing.

"Why?"

"These sorts of things," The elder man stuttered out, "Are for people that are in a relationship, people that are in love with each other."

"For many people, love doesn't exist. It's just sexual appeal." Izaya stretched on the couch. "But you're different aren't you Mikado? You don't even feel sex appeal."

Mikado's grip on the other's wrists began to loosen slowly.

"If a man had a relationship with a girl who had a good appearance, they would leave her if she looked disabled or fat. That's because men are bastards with nothing but sex on their minds. And of course, all of this also applies to women. Women are all just a bunch of filthy whores with nothing but wealth and comfort on their minds." The teen looked up to the ceiling as if he were channeling his words to the gods. "It isn't us, its humanity that's rotten. Aren't they wonderful? Nothing more is behind it. Even our parents." Mikado noticed when the other said 'parents' his eyes turned cloudy. A morning mist had formed. That sort of feeling. "The only reason people stay together is to watch over their children. No one truly loves anyone, except me. I won't become like this whole world, I'm something above them. I'm going to become something above them, I'll be so far they won't even be able to reach me. I'll become immortal."

In a sense, Shizuo and Izaya were two innocents that did not belong in this world ,that was what the blue eyed man thought in the bottom of his heart.

Mikado took two steps back because he understood the other boy much closer that night. His mind was in circles, his body a complete wreck but he could only think about— But does Izaya really think this way? Does he honestly think that by being in the black market he can find immortality? Sure, there are more drugs and interesting things that the government would never let ninety percent of the population ever see, but surely it isn't something like that.

"Why do you think you'll find it there? If I, with this illness couldn't even find a cure…"

Izaya laughed.

"Humanity is a piece of miserable lies and trash." The dark haired teen's eyes were smiling when he said this, his smirk accentuating his features. Then, almost immediately he does a complete personality change. A whole 180 degrees and his eyes are now stern and serious, his mouth in a monotone gesture. The moon was in full view, its rays leading all the way to the shadows of the people in Mikado's living room. Izaya then turns his head slowly, his eyes distant and searching for the night sky. They stood there for a bit, the concerto is still and the songs of the crickets began to fill the night.

" You… don't love anyone, do you?" The adolescent takes out his favorite pocket knife, heading toward the elder man, putting a knife at his throat. The blade was flirtatious on Mikado's skin, teasing the skin on his neck.

Mikado does not react nor responds and instead asks— "Why are you so afraid of death Izaya?" He blinks. "Why…are you trying to kill me?"

"Why does that matter?" Izaya pushed the other one's thoughts away and channeled all his evil toward the man in front of him. "I've been trying to figure you out all this time Mikado-kun. I thought you were something more, but all you are is a person using everyone around you to try to feel something."

Mikado's eyes widened, his eyebrows furrowed and desperate. Izaya smirked, he wasn't sure of the elder man's intentions but said the first thing that came to mind and it was spot on. The teen would have never imagined the man would ever turn out to be like this and it excited him, it made him want to find out even more.

"Stop it!" The other shrieked, the only time Izaya had ever heard of the elder man raising his voice. Even so the boy continued.

"You're only pretending to be kind because the person inside is actually selfish and pathetic!"

"Stop it! You don't understand" Tears were forming in Mikado's eyes and Izaya stopped to stare. He didn't even feel joy anymore ( and this was strange because in all his victims this was the part where he would be consumed with glee), the only thing that filled the teen at this very moment was anger, resentment. He lost complete control at the next statement.

"If you don't feel like living just die already!"

**If. You. Don't. Feel. Like. Living. Just. Die. Already.**

_But the truth is – I just want to die._

The adult looked stunned for a moment, tears seeping through his eyes like a water canteen. Why was he still living? What was the point? What did it matter if he was now beginning to love others? What did love do for him?

" I c-can't…" Is all he could say to defend himself. "I've always lived for everyone else…just this once…at least let my death be for myself."

Mikado's eyes were looking directly at Izaya's when he said this, neither broke off the contact for a long while. But for the adolescent, it left him with an epiphany. Even though the elder was looking at him, he really wasn't looking at him. It was indifferent, it didn't exist. What could Mikado possibly be looking at? And the thought filled him with more rage, because he's seen the way he looks at the monster, he's seen the way he looks at the monster as they talk or share food together. His eyes are completely different, they're there. He hated those eyes because they looked like his mother's.

"Didn't I tell you to watch me?" Izaya spoke quietly but his eyes expressing absolute truth." You are always looking at something other than me."

Instead of denying this, Mikado recomposes himself and breaks eye contact with the other. Rejection.

" You'll understand someday."

This earned the adult a cut in his arm, the blood released on staining the white table cloth. He liked that table cloth, it was on sale.

"You use everyone around you to feel something, anything." Izaya hovered over the injured man menacingly. "Even now that I've cut you, that I could kill you at any moment your eyes never reach mine…You're…" Mikado stood silent for a bit, and blinked politely for the other to finish. "You're really cruel."

The blue eyed man's eyes became filled with fear and grabbed the closest thing to him for protection. There was only a pen and he tried with all his might to make the small blue ball point pen menacing. He pointed it at Izaya.

The teen laughed.

"No!" Mikado shouted as he held on to his injured arm, trying to stop the bleeding. "I wont' let you take that away from me! My death is mine and mine alone. It's the only thing I have control over!"

" If I was Shizuo things would be different wouldn't they?"

Mikado blinked.

_"What?"_

"You and him are in a teacher student relationship aren't you? I've seen you coming out his house late at night, your cell phone and phone bills are filled with his house phone number…how perverted you are Mika-chan. I didn't know you liked little boys."

"No you have it all wrong Izaya—I wasn't with him I was with **Ka**—"

But Izaya didn't want to hear the other's supposed lies.

"You're using your illness as an excuse to make everyone feel sorry for you, it gives you a sick sense of satisfaction because you can give everyone a huge 'Fuck you' because you'll be dead soon. You're just leading everybody on!" Mikado then realized this was Izaya's way of coping for his imminent death. "I should kill you and end your pathetic life."

But even so , it did not justify a spoiled brat's actions.

"You know what?_ No._" Izaya didn't know when it had happened but he felt an immense pain coming from one of his hands. When he looked down he saw blood flowing out of his hand like water. There was a pen edged right through his hand, like a fork in a piece of cake. And just knowing that this was caused by Mikado, Mikado stabbed him, stabbed him with a pen, left him feeling a strange perverse sense of passion.

"I'm sick and tired of this." The elder man's eyes were foreign, this was a different man, Izaya was certain. "Can you leave the house without being assisted by someone? Do you feel so violently sick that you vomit even when you do the most minimal things like answer a phone or the door? Do you know what it feels like to be knocked out by a combination of unexplained pain and fear several times a day, in random terrifying attacks that you can't predict? No." Mikado answered for him. " No. Your health issue is caused by your decayed mind, caused by your weakness and your sickness. You can change any time, but not me. It's too late for me."

When Mikado stops talking, his eyes fill yet again with tears, they were angry ones. They burned, like soap was in his eyes. Izaya didn't know why, but he liked this Mikado the most. The sad one, the cold and cruel one, so the teen does the only thing he feels like doing. He stands up and reaches for the other's face with his bloody hand and kisses the teacher full on the lips.

When Izaya retreated back ( quite pleased with his work) Mikado looked blankly at the other and blinked. He stepped a bit closer to him and placed his hands on the other's shoulders. The teen thought the elder was going to return the kiss, but instead began to push him quickly to the door. Not too long, Izaya is met with the face of a door and an apartment number, and then it donned on him.

Mikado had kicked him out of the apartment.

* * *

><p>A lot of things happened and this chapter was bordering around 30 pages, so I did what I could do and cut this chapter in two. Now the next chapter will be uploaded soon since it is already half way done!<p>

This was the first fanfic I ever planned out and wrote according to the notes .First story I published officially too. I learned with trial and error how to use this website and also how to do many things. Thank you for staying with me all the way guys. Also, I'm rechecking the previous chapters for mistakes and all that. It seems that some of you are confused about the time span? Okay, Chapter six, is when there is a time skip. Please read carefully? It's been almost a year since Mikado met with Izaya and Shizuo, so I just wanted to make this clear to everyone.

I'm sorry I had a sudden hiatus, but don't worry! I will never, ever leave a project unfinished. Especially since this is almost at its end. Please look forward to it!

Thank you, and I hope to see you again soon! Next chapter updated should be anytime this month.


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